Adding Quality to Our Later Years

Key Choices Can Improve Well-Being as We Age

Photo by Matt Bennett on Unsplash

Why do I feel discouraged so much of the time? Yes, taking care of and losing Dan, my husband, to dementia, and COVID played a role, but that was five years ago. Yes, my body is aging, but it’s 87 years old and in pretty good shape, all things considered. Yet I don’t look forward to each day as I used to, and it feels as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

It’s really too bad because life is good. I have a purpose which includes sharing what I’ve learned over the years with others through writing. I have several fun hobbies: art, plants, and cooking. I spend time with family and friends, and recently went to Hawaii. I’m healthy and financially secure. Maybe it’s time to find additional ways to enjoy the rest of my life.

Experts explain that

• Enhancing the quality of life for seniors involves adopting a holistic approach that considers every aspect of well-being, extending beyond physical health to include emotional and psychological support.

  • I have physical and psychological health for the most part; the disheartedness might have to do with a lack of emotional support, though. Before Dan struggled with dementia, he was my rock - now it’s up to me. I was ill-prepared, and being my own rock is more challenging than I thought. But wait!

  • If I’m responsible for my happiness - and my quality of life, as they say - the question I must ponder is this: am I developing the inner strength, resilience, and self-reliance to become my own primary source of support, stability, and encouragement, or am I still depending on others for validation and help?

• Older adults value feeling healthy and not limited by physical conditions, being able to manage on their own, retaining their dignity, and not feeling like a burden. They want to spend time on activities that bring them a sense of integrity, joy, and involvement, as well as having relationships that make them feel supported while they contribute to others.

  • I’m not managing on my own as much as I’d like - fear and doubt get in the way.

  • However, I make the choices. If I know this about myself, why am I letting them be in charge? Why am I not relying on traits that help me be my own rock and improve my quality of life?

A review of my choices highlights four possible reasons.

• Establishing boundaries
  Setting boundaries creates healthy and safe relationships. Three steps we can take are to: identify the issue, state our boundaries, and, if they aren’t honored, follow through with consequences.

  • I’m not good at setting boundaries; it's always been more important to please people. So, the challenges are to say no without feeling guilty and to permit myself to ask for help when needed.

• One thing every day that brings joy
  There’s nothing like having something to look forward to each day. It can be spending time with our grandkids, meeting a friend for lunch, or volunteering. Whatever it is, we should schedule one activity a day that brings us joy.

  • I hadn’t been doing enough of that. First, though, I had to figure out what brings me joy, and then plan accordingly. It can be as simple as seeing my great-granddaughters or buying a new blouse, which I did this morning.

• Lower stress
  Identify what’s causing our stress. Is it a decline in health? Family problems? Mental health issues? Financial struggles? Knowing the root cause of the stress is crucial to eliminating it. Then we could write down the problems and what hasn’t worked to solve them.

  Stress can be good in the short term, though - so they say. Good stress, or eustress, is short-term, motivating, and helps improve performance, focus, and resilience in the face of manageable challenges.

  • My stress level is high. I could offer valid reasons, such as making a significant lifestyle change, seeing the violence on the news, being a single older woman today, and managing a household on my own. At the same time, it isn’t healthy or helpful.

• Managing emotions
  Engage in hobbies, attend social gatherings, or practice calming activities, such as gardening or journaling, to help manage stress. These everyday moments can help reduce feelings of loneliness and promote self-worth.

  • I journal regularly, practice saying no more often, watch the news less, and work on building self-compassion. All of which remains a work in progress.

Hopefully, these adjustments will allow me to be more of my own rock, bring more pleasure to my day, and help me age well.

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Janice Walton is a psychologist, a widow, a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother, and a writer. She has written over 300 articles for Substack during the past five years.