I couldn’t change the course of his dementia, but maybe my husband could have remained home a while longer if we had been better informed and prepared.
My husband wouldn’t even try to work with the physical therapist following hip replacement surgery after a fall at the memory care facility. Nine days later, still in the hospital, he was gone. It was like it was his intent. But I later learned that a common cause of death with dementia patients is a broken hip. No mention at the time of anesthetics used. That was ten years ago… at least it seems to be common knowledge now.
Hi Karen, I hadn't heard of the connection between hip replacement surgery and dementia - very interesting. It could have been that he no longer had the mental, physical, and emotional energy to make the effort, too.
Janice, I’m sure that was a factor as well. But the more I read about the negative effects of such surgery, I think they might be on to a clue on its advisability in the case of dementia.
Hi Susannah, Thank you so much. If there is a positive to all of this, it is the chance to share what I learned with others and maybe make it a little easier for them.
Two weeks ago today, I went into emergency surgery (spontaneous fracture of femur), and this post really helped me think about what went right, and what I would do differently in future. For example, my husband went home while I was still in the ER waiting to get hospital bed for surgery the next morning. And he wasn't there for the pre-op discussion by surgeon about what was going on. I now realize he should have been there, to ask questions, make notes of what was said, because pain, and a sleepless night did not have me at my best.
Generally I am quite happy with surgery, and my subsequent post operative treatment, but I really had to advocate for myself not to have major pain-killers prescribed after surgery, instead insisting on only Tylenol. I am quite sure that this was one of the reasons I was up on my feet (with walker) in post op, and had made such progress that they sent me home before noon the next day. Thanks for all the work you are doing to keep this 76 year-old informed!
Hi, I'm so glad the surgery went well for you and so sorry you had to have it in the first place. In my mind, that was a wise decision - Tylenol rather than major pain killers. There can be side effects.
Thank you so much. I have 2 knees that need to be replaced because they are bone on bone. I want someone who would consider just a little IV drug so that I don’t need general. I am very apprehensive about general. The last thing any of us need is to be confused that then drags on to something else.
You did the best you could do with the information you knew at the time. When you know better, you do differently.
Hi Susan, I just don't think people, particularly older adults, fully understand the potential ramifications. Indeed, surgeries are sometimes necessary, but we also need to advocate for ourselves and be aware of the pitfalls.
Susan, I also have both knees bone on bone. I was scheduled for knee replacements but ultimately cancelled the surgery after complete pain relief with physical therapy and then strength training which I continue to this day. My surgeon does not use general anesthesia anymore which I was relieved to learn. While I may never need the surgery(s), if I do,he insists my recovery will be be so much faster due to overall improvement and strength in my body. Hopefully, my mind will remain healthier as well.
Hi Cindy, That's a good reminder to put on our checklist for questions to ask if surgery is on the horizon - do you use general anesthesia, or do you consider other options?
I am so grateful for info. Is your surgeon here in the Bay Area and the place you had your PT? I really am hurting with the up and down motion. I have injections of some compound that is to add a cushion coming in May by a sports doctor from Sutter. I am open to PT or anything else.
Thank you for sharing these ideas. Your experience sounds so difficult. I’m concerned that my husband may be showing early signs of cognitive impairment. If he refuses to seek an evaluation, and feels there’s “nothing to do for it anyway”, what can I do but observe?
Hi, there is some natural memory loss as we age, so that might be all you are seeing. However, you might want to document your concerns so that, if or when it's necessary, you have written examples. My husband didn't think he had a problem either, and we couldn't get him to go to the doctor, so we had to work around him. I've read there are new possible treatment options - especially for slowing down the process, but I don't know anything about them.
A client went in for knee surgery and came home feeling something was different in her healing process. Less than a year later she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. A friend broke her femur and recovered after surgery in a rehab facility and just before her return home, had a minor heart attack. She is currently living in a nursing home because she quickly lost her ability to care for herself.
Sadly, things can go wrong very quickly when our minds and body’s are subjected to crisis. And sometimes, what we call healthcare reveals something else that’s been brewing.
Thank goodness you were there for your husband. We do the best we can with what we know at that moment and quickly rise up to advocate for our loved ones. It’s difficult to prepare for the unknown and unexpected. But sharing is the gateway to asking questions and sharing personal awareness and experiences- especially when it comes to medication and anesthesia or healthcare in general.
Hi Tina, you make a good point about hidden issues that come to the forefront after hospital stays and surgery. I guess - in hindsight - I "should have been" more proactive, given that his father and sister died from Alzheimer's disease. There were early signs, I just didn't put the two together - and he managed to compensate pretty well for a long time.
I'm so sorry you and your husband Dan had to experience the darker side of medicine Janice. Sadly, most medications are created with healthy younger men in mind. It's a huge battle to get doctors to understand that women and older people are much more susceptible to side effects and their tolerance is very different. It's so hard to get them to listen! Years ago I had a colonoscopy and told the anaesthetist that I was sensitive to anaesthetic and medicines in general. I could see the mild contempt in his face. He was the expert, right? I was told I'd be out for 20 minutes but 2 hours later, I was still struggling to wake up. It's so infuriating that they don't appreciate that those of us who live inside our bodies, might know a thing or two about how we work. Thanks for sharing your story Janice. More people need to be empowered and not feel dismissed by these "Gods".
After Dan's experience, I had cataract surgery. They were prepared to give me an anesthetic, but I asked if that was really necessary, and the anesthesiologist said no. He explained that they routinely do so because patients get anxious when their eyes are being worked on. He offered to skip it, watch my blood pressure, and give it only if necessary. I didn't need it. I totally agree, we need to develop that personal power to advocate for ourselves.
One thing that really frustrates me is the assumption that elder=not very active. At sixty-eight, I’m still riding a horse who can rip off a pretty fast gallop when asked, and paint houses, cut firewood, and other stuff. I have soft tissue issues—myofascial pain syndrome that ironically I’m doing better managing now than I did when younger. I’d like to be able to talk to my doctor about that but…I don’t want to be medicated to pieces either because I don’t need that. Or the assumption that I’m fragile with balance issues (see—riding horses, including gallops), and need special doctor approval before doing stuff.
My doctor basically sees me once a year, listens to my concerns, and just says “keep on doing what you’re doing.” Then I get buried in emails and texts advocating special elder exercise programs. Which are…less rigorous than what I’m already doing.
Where are the programs to support those of us who are active and still doing stuff? I know I’m more reactive to certain meds due to age and sleep problems due to myofascial pain cause a lot of my issues. I have a chronic sinus issue which means I mask up in public and in crowds. I have arthritis and am working around that. But it would be nice to have help to KEEP active rather than having to wait to decline to a certain level before I can get help!
Hi Joyce, Bravo to you!!! What a good question - where are those programs to support those who are active and still doing stuff? I have aches and pains, but that is my concern - if I go to the doctor, their solution will be meds, and I have serious concerns about taking them. Even at my age, I take no prescription drugs.
WOW, I'm so sorry for your grief..Thank you for sharing both your stories....This is really important to let others know about these dangerous preparations....who knew....
Such an important issue, Janice. And we must remember to advocate for ourselves as well. When I was young, I would go to a doctor with a problem, she would treat me and, boom! I would heal. Not any more. Increasingly I find I am none the wiser or better when I leave my doctor's office. There are so many chronic, incurable conditions simply due to old age that are not adequately addressed. It is disheartening.
I couldn’t change the course of his dementia, but maybe my husband could have remained home a while longer if we had been better informed and prepared.
My husband wouldn’t even try to work with the physical therapist following hip replacement surgery after a fall at the memory care facility. Nine days later, still in the hospital, he was gone. It was like it was his intent. But I later learned that a common cause of death with dementia patients is a broken hip. No mention at the time of anesthetics used. That was ten years ago… at least it seems to be common knowledge now.
Hi Karen, I hadn't heard of the connection between hip replacement surgery and dementia - very interesting. It could have been that he no longer had the mental, physical, and emotional energy to make the effort, too.
Janice, I’m sure that was a factor as well. But the more I read about the negative effects of such surgery, I think they might be on to a clue on its advisability in the case of dementia.
Hi Karen, it does make sense.
It's tough, but we all do the best we can!
Hi Dave, and that is the truth of it - all we can do is the best we can, given the circumstances at the time.
I just wrote about my experience with this today. Sending love 🤍
This is so informative! Thank you. I’m saving this for future reference.
Hi Sally, I sure wish I had known then what I know now.
Janice, thank you so ,uch for sharing this information. I am sorry you, Dan, and your family had to go through such a traumatic experience.
Hi Susannah, Thank you so much. If there is a positive to all of this, it is the chance to share what I learned with others and maybe make it a little easier for them.
Two weeks ago today, I went into emergency surgery (spontaneous fracture of femur), and this post really helped me think about what went right, and what I would do differently in future. For example, my husband went home while I was still in the ER waiting to get hospital bed for surgery the next morning. And he wasn't there for the pre-op discussion by surgeon about what was going on. I now realize he should have been there, to ask questions, make notes of what was said, because pain, and a sleepless night did not have me at my best.
Generally I am quite happy with surgery, and my subsequent post operative treatment, but I really had to advocate for myself not to have major pain-killers prescribed after surgery, instead insisting on only Tylenol. I am quite sure that this was one of the reasons I was up on my feet (with walker) in post op, and had made such progress that they sent me home before noon the next day. Thanks for all the work you are doing to keep this 76 year-old informed!
Hi, I'm so glad the surgery went well for you and so sorry you had to have it in the first place. In my mind, that was a wise decision - Tylenol rather than major pain killers. There can be side effects.
Thank you so much. I have 2 knees that need to be replaced because they are bone on bone. I want someone who would consider just a little IV drug so that I don’t need general. I am very apprehensive about general. The last thing any of us need is to be confused that then drags on to something else.
You did the best you could do with the information you knew at the time. When you know better, you do differently.
You were kind to share with all of us.
Hi Susan, I just don't think people, particularly older adults, fully understand the potential ramifications. Indeed, surgeries are sometimes necessary, but we also need to advocate for ourselves and be aware of the pitfalls.
Susan, I also have both knees bone on bone. I was scheduled for knee replacements but ultimately cancelled the surgery after complete pain relief with physical therapy and then strength training which I continue to this day. My surgeon does not use general anesthesia anymore which I was relieved to learn. While I may never need the surgery(s), if I do,he insists my recovery will be be so much faster due to overall improvement and strength in my body. Hopefully, my mind will remain healthier as well.
Hi Cindy, That's a good reminder to put on our checklist for questions to ask if surgery is on the horizon - do you use general anesthesia, or do you consider other options?
Cindy
I am so grateful for info. Is your surgeon here in the Bay Area and the place you had your PT? I really am hurting with the up and down motion. I have injections of some compound that is to add a cushion coming in May by a sports doctor from Sutter. I am open to PT or anything else.
Thank you
Susan Kuhl
This must have been so hard for you. But at each turn you made the best decision you could with the knowledge you had in that moment. Lots of love 💞
Hi Cali, that is what I've come to understand. I can look back and see things I could have done differently, but it was my very best at the time.
Thank you for sharing these ideas. Your experience sounds so difficult. I’m concerned that my husband may be showing early signs of cognitive impairment. If he refuses to seek an evaluation, and feels there’s “nothing to do for it anyway”, what can I do but observe?
Hi, there is some natural memory loss as we age, so that might be all you are seeing. However, you might want to document your concerns so that, if or when it's necessary, you have written examples. My husband didn't think he had a problem either, and we couldn't get him to go to the doctor, so we had to work around him. I've read there are new possible treatment options - especially for slowing down the process, but I don't know anything about them.
Thanks for the tip to keep notes.
A client went in for knee surgery and came home feeling something was different in her healing process. Less than a year later she was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. A friend broke her femur and recovered after surgery in a rehab facility and just before her return home, had a minor heart attack. She is currently living in a nursing home because she quickly lost her ability to care for herself.
Sadly, things can go wrong very quickly when our minds and body’s are subjected to crisis. And sometimes, what we call healthcare reveals something else that’s been brewing.
Thank goodness you were there for your husband. We do the best we can with what we know at that moment and quickly rise up to advocate for our loved ones. It’s difficult to prepare for the unknown and unexpected. But sharing is the gateway to asking questions and sharing personal awareness and experiences- especially when it comes to medication and anesthesia or healthcare in general.
Hi Tina, you make a good point about hidden issues that come to the forefront after hospital stays and surgery. I guess - in hindsight - I "should have been" more proactive, given that his father and sister died from Alzheimer's disease. There were early signs, I just didn't put the two together - and he managed to compensate pretty well for a long time.
I'm so sorry you and your husband Dan had to experience the darker side of medicine Janice. Sadly, most medications are created with healthy younger men in mind. It's a huge battle to get doctors to understand that women and older people are much more susceptible to side effects and their tolerance is very different. It's so hard to get them to listen! Years ago I had a colonoscopy and told the anaesthetist that I was sensitive to anaesthetic and medicines in general. I could see the mild contempt in his face. He was the expert, right? I was told I'd be out for 20 minutes but 2 hours later, I was still struggling to wake up. It's so infuriating that they don't appreciate that those of us who live inside our bodies, might know a thing or two about how we work. Thanks for sharing your story Janice. More people need to be empowered and not feel dismissed by these "Gods".
Hi Silvana,
After Dan's experience, I had cataract surgery. They were prepared to give me an anesthetic, but I asked if that was really necessary, and the anesthesiologist said no. He explained that they routinely do so because patients get anxious when their eyes are being worked on. He offered to skip it, watch my blood pressure, and give it only if necessary. I didn't need it. I totally agree, we need to develop that personal power to advocate for ourselves.
One thing that really frustrates me is the assumption that elder=not very active. At sixty-eight, I’m still riding a horse who can rip off a pretty fast gallop when asked, and paint houses, cut firewood, and other stuff. I have soft tissue issues—myofascial pain syndrome that ironically I’m doing better managing now than I did when younger. I’d like to be able to talk to my doctor about that but…I don’t want to be medicated to pieces either because I don’t need that. Or the assumption that I’m fragile with balance issues (see—riding horses, including gallops), and need special doctor approval before doing stuff.
My doctor basically sees me once a year, listens to my concerns, and just says “keep on doing what you’re doing.” Then I get buried in emails and texts advocating special elder exercise programs. Which are…less rigorous than what I’m already doing.
Where are the programs to support those of us who are active and still doing stuff? I know I’m more reactive to certain meds due to age and sleep problems due to myofascial pain cause a lot of my issues. I have a chronic sinus issue which means I mask up in public and in crowds. I have arthritis and am working around that. But it would be nice to have help to KEEP active rather than having to wait to decline to a certain level before I can get help!
Hi Joyce, Bravo to you!!! What a good question - where are those programs to support those who are active and still doing stuff? I have aches and pains, but that is my concern - if I go to the doctor, their solution will be meds, and I have serious concerns about taking them. Even at my age, I take no prescription drugs.
Exactly. They expect us to take care of ourselves, I suppose.
That must be it.
Thank you Janice for sharing; same goes for all your reader comments. Shared this wonderful letter with our family today.
Hi Fred, Thank you so much.
WOW, I'm so sorry for your grief..Thank you for sharing both your stories....This is really important to let others know about these dangerous preparations....who knew....
Hi Anna Marie, I for one sure didn't.
Neither did I.... Janice....
Such an important issue, Janice. And we must remember to advocate for ourselves as well. When I was young, I would go to a doctor with a problem, she would treat me and, boom! I would heal. Not any more. Increasingly I find I am none the wiser or better when I leave my doctor's office. There are so many chronic, incurable conditions simply due to old age that are not adequately addressed. It is disheartening.
Hi Sharron, Your point is well-taken regarding chronic, incurable conditions due to the aging body - they are not addressed, and it is disheartening.