I can feel sorry for myself and dwell on what I’ve lost and don’t like, or I can hope there are answers and solutions for me to try that I haven’t thought of - YET. I choose HOPE!
This line really hits home, Janice, "...it seems wiser to focus on the good, cherish my memories, and control what I can rather than feel sorry for myself." I could not agree more. Thank you for all you do.
Bravo, Janice. We can't know what's ahead, and it has to be tempting to dwell on the loves lost to the past. Here's to you for choosing hope and pushing forward.
A dear friend of my parents has given me a new outlook on age and love. Irving lost the love of his life more than 30 years ago, yet he carried on, focused on projects in his beloved wife's memory.
Each year, he made a point of visiting with my mom as she struggled through dementia. The pandemic was hard, but he used the time to write his first novel. He released a sequel in January. Now he's working on a third.
My mother passed at 92 three years ago. He'll celebrate his 103rd birthday in May.
Hi Laurie, Thank you so much. I finally figured out it's my choice. It doesn't mean I don't miss him every day, but it does mean I choose how to manage my feelings and my life regarding that loss.
I LOVE that there are answers and solutions that I haven't thought of yet. Thank you Janice for writing that line and dropping a shiny line of hope into my heart. I'm not great at holding these things front of mind but that one is a keeper❤️
Dear sweet Janice - how is it that you’ve taken my own thoughts and written them for me! Of course, you know that Don and I were not married for the same number of years as you and Dan and that his passing was different. What touched me was your willingness to write about the “what’s the use and why bother” mindset. It may not be a 24/7 constant but when it surfaces it creates a very real sense of isolation and loneliness for me. My own practice is to (1) pause and take a breath (or 10-100 if needed); (2) give myself permission to let those feelings come to the surface; and (3) listen to the voice of Don (which I still hear on a pretty regular basis) tell me - “nothing, absolutely nothing is forever honey and I’ve still got your back. Just keep an eye out for the rainbows and hummingbirds.” Sending you what I’ve come to identify as a “Virtual ❤️ to ❤️hug.” I’m pretty convinced there’s a “Perfectly on Time” magical sunshine moment soon to arrive right in front of you.
Sending my best wishes to you from me in Australia... my thoughts are, as a 75 yr old wed for 54 years is that I too would be LOST & DEVASTATED if I am the one left living ... sometime into our unknown future...Yet, it's pretty well ok to feel sorry for ourselves too (you know that is part of grief & change) just as you are finding you can shift a bit in your thinking . My "but" sentence is please allow yourself the compassion and grace you need navigating this very very path of change. Take care D
I can feel sorry for myself and dwell on what I’ve lost and don’t like, or I can hope there are answers and solutions for me to try that I haven’t thought of - YET. I choose HOPE!
Inspiring lessons, Janice. I choose hope. Great choice!
Sending you a big hug. It's ok to have down days, and entirely natural. Take care of you x
This line really hits home, Janice, "...it seems wiser to focus on the good, cherish my memories, and control what I can rather than feel sorry for myself." I could not agree more. Thank you for all you do.
Thx for these words and positive thoughts - surely of use for those of us in need
Janice, I’m with you all the way
Bravo, Janice. We can't know what's ahead, and it has to be tempting to dwell on the loves lost to the past. Here's to you for choosing hope and pushing forward.
A dear friend of my parents has given me a new outlook on age and love. Irving lost the love of his life more than 30 years ago, yet he carried on, focused on projects in his beloved wife's memory.
Each year, he made a point of visiting with my mom as she struggled through dementia. The pandemic was hard, but he used the time to write his first novel. He released a sequel in January. Now he's working on a third.
My mother passed at 92 three years ago. He'll celebrate his 103rd birthday in May.
Is it hope, I wonder?
It's funny you say that because the name of the book he released in January is, "Esperanza" (Hope in Spanish.) https://www.amazon.com/Esperanza-Daring-Dream-Beyond-Borders/dp/0965394964 🥹 You can't make this stuff up.
Hi Barbara, that is an amazing story. I didn't realize the Spanish word for 'hope' was 'esperanza'. What a great title for a book.
Right? He's a lovely man, and every bit as inspiring. 🥹 Be well, and keep on keeping on. We're here as a community.
It's so heartening to hear your wise words of gratitude and hope after the loss of your husband, Janice.
Hi Laurie, Thank you so much. I finally figured out it's my choice. It doesn't mean I don't miss him every day, but it does mean I choose how to manage my feelings and my life regarding that loss.
I LOVE that there are answers and solutions that I haven't thought of yet. Thank you Janice for writing that line and dropping a shiny line of hope into my heart. I'm not great at holding these things front of mind but that one is a keeper❤️
Hi Donna, That's the hope - if we can share ideas, we have a better toolkit.
You are my hero, even when you're down. You keep knocking down what might bring most of us to our knees.
Thank you, Patti. ❤️ Some days are easier than others, that's for sure.
It doesn’t. sound like it, but don’t rule out clinical depression. Psychologists get it, too. I know. Be careful not to diagnose yourself.
Hi Judi, So very true, clinical depression is a very important consideration.
Dear sweet Janice - how is it that you’ve taken my own thoughts and written them for me! Of course, you know that Don and I were not married for the same number of years as you and Dan and that his passing was different. What touched me was your willingness to write about the “what’s the use and why bother” mindset. It may not be a 24/7 constant but when it surfaces it creates a very real sense of isolation and loneliness for me. My own practice is to (1) pause and take a breath (or 10-100 if needed); (2) give myself permission to let those feelings come to the surface; and (3) listen to the voice of Don (which I still hear on a pretty regular basis) tell me - “nothing, absolutely nothing is forever honey and I’ve still got your back. Just keep an eye out for the rainbows and hummingbirds.” Sending you what I’ve come to identify as a “Virtual ❤️ to ❤️hug.” I’m pretty convinced there’s a “Perfectly on Time” magical sunshine moment soon to arrive right in front of you.
Hi Marilyn, I agree with your point about allowing the feelings to be - they do pass. I know that Dan has his eye on me as well. Thanks for your post.
Sending my best wishes to you from me in Australia... my thoughts are, as a 75 yr old wed for 54 years is that I too would be LOST & DEVASTATED if I am the one left living ... sometime into our unknown future...Yet, it's pretty well ok to feel sorry for ourselves too (you know that is part of grief & change) just as you are finding you can shift a bit in your thinking . My "but" sentence is please allow yourself the compassion and grace you need navigating this very very path of change. Take care D
Hi Denyse, Yes, self-compassion is so very important. Thank you for the reminder.
I still "forget" it too. D x