Discovering What Matters In Life

Rethinking My Purpose

As an adult, having a purpose has always been important to me—it was my reason to get up in the morning. Initially, it was raising a family and then building a career. Eight years ago, my purpose became caring for Dan, my husband, as he struggled with dementia. After he died, I defined my purpose as being there for my family, sharing my story with others through writing, finding ways to age well, and pursuing various hobbies.

I’ve been thinking about my purpose for a few weeks, wondering if it was time for changes. Dissatisfaction had been brewing for a while. Was it no longer motivating to me?

They say people’s life purpose consists of the central aims of their lives—based on what they value and the reason they get up in the morning. It guides life decisions, influences behavior, shapes goals, offers a sense of direction, and creates meaning.

Experts also say that this sense of purpose gives people clear reasons for what they want to do—a reason that motivates them to study, work, or train well.

 It’s been four years since I’ve lived with that purpose in mind, so I’ve had time to test it. While it mostly fits, some parts are off—or I’ve changed. Mainly, it reflects my fundamental values of honesty, caring for others, fairness, respect, and responsibility, but... 

After thinking it over, I came up with adjustments.

1. My basic purpose remains the same: to spend time with family, age well, share our story through the newsletter, and find inspiring hobbies. However, I want to set higher goals in two areas: creating a book of articles and experimenting with different art techniques and challenges, which is my main hobby.

2. What stood out was that I was not taking sufficient responsibility for my health. I was caring for my physical and mental health but not my emotional health.
   This may have contributed to my perceived lack of motivation. Years of stress had left me emotionally drained and depleted.
   With that in mind, I’ve begun identifying what makes me happy and keeps me going—but more about that in later posts. So far, options include fixing better meals for myself, listening to music rather than the news, taking on new challenges, spending more time outdoors, or bringing the outdoors in by having plants, a table fountain, and flowers in the apartment.

3. I would also benefit from connecting more with others. Maybe that means spending additional time with family and friends in person and online, reaching out in new ways, and saying yes more often while balancing the need for alone time. I’m not sure what that looks like - yet.

My new reason for getting up in the morning includes putting more effort into writing and art and giving myself permission to try new ideas. It also involves engaging in activities that make me happy and fill my emotional tank. Finally, it focuses on connecting more with others and in different ways. I’ve been on this new path for a few weeks, and so far, so good. However, only time will tell, and purposes can change over time.

One thing to keep in mind is that having a positive attitude is essential. As the oft-cited 2002 study by Becca Levy of Yale University revealed, people with positive beliefs about aging live an average of seven and a half years longer than those who regard aging as a negative experience.

I’d love it if you could share the Aging Well Newsletter with others. I want to share the lessons I’ve learned through my years of life and caregiving with as many people as possible. More than anything, I want to continue expanding our community of readers.

So please forward this email to a friend and invite them to join us. They can subscribe here:

Thank you so much for being part of the Aging Well community.

If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimer's Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.  

Janice Walton is a psychologist, widow, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and writer. Her book Aging Well: 30 Lessons for Making the Most of Your Later Years is available on Amazon, and she has written articles for Substack.