Thanks Janice. I totally agree- how we talk to ourselves during this major chapter in our lives is key. And this does reflect the challenge of identity development as we age. Important discussions. 😊
I am 81, and feel the love for myself more than ever. But my frankness seems to have no bounds in my family and they seem to take me with a grain of salt. I don’t mind. 🤗🤗
Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful occasional e-mails. They help. About a week ago, I lost my keys (house, mailbox, car, etc). I'm 83 and have stubbornly searched everywhere. I can't help blaming myself. If I were younger . . . if I had been more observant . . . Pretty darn frustrating, but, somehow, with a bit of humor and self-forgiveness, I will persevere. Even if I can't open the darn mailbox!
Beth, let's just hope the winning envelope from Ed McMahon isn't waiting in that mailbox!
For keys, wallets, and phones, I use an aluminum disposable container — the kind you get with store-bought baked lasagna. It sits near my front door on a table, and everything from my pockets gets dropped there the moment I walk in. Works for me.
I have a nice little basket right by the door. Usually, that's right where my keys are. Still missing, but we have a plan to replace all. Guess that's the way to go forward, one small action at a time!
Hi Janice! Thank you for the lovely and thought-provoking posts. I am 71, have a fused lower back, have had a hip replacement, need a knee replacement, have multiple disc herniations in my neck (all the afore-mentioned from accidents) and am now losing my vision to glaucoma & rod-cone dystrophy (a form of Retinitis Pigmentosa). So . . . let’s just say that I have a few “owies” I’m dealing with & am not the fit, trim gym rat I used to be. 😉 However, through it all God has been, and continues to be, so good to me. Being forced to retire from my law enforcement career early was a huge, unexpected change for me. I not only left a way of life I loved, but also the people I worked with & for. At my age now, I’m trying to be kinder to myself (less critical), to not push myself when fatigued, and to engage in more positive self-talk. Being more forgiving & less critical of myself when I make mistakes, finding joy in small things, and saying yes to more things that challenge me, are all goals I’m working on. I’ve got a ways to go but am embracing the change!
Whew, I needed this reminder today! While I am younger than you Janice, I still see rapid changes in myself and my life and am beginning to face many of the challenges you talk about, or they are visible on the horizon. Reading your words about the importance of resilience and self-knowledge is an excellent nudge to keep doing the work. Thank you.
I am 57, facing unexpected early retirement from a 34 year career that I have loved and that has been my entire identity. While I know this is an incredible gift (full pension, 8 years early) I still find myself struggling mentally with this shift in life plans. I am trying to reframe and look at this as the incredible opportunity that it is, to rediscover myself. As a piece by the poet Trevin Cutinho puts it, “When everything you hoped for slips through your fingers, who will you become?”
Hi, I can certainly understand the mental - and emotional - challenge involved. Now can be an incredible opportunity and at the same time, a soul searching one.
I am 64 and facing a cancer diagnosis. My relationship with myself has shifted from “it’s all about me” (my self-centered focus of 30 years ago when my marriage was failing) to “what does God require of me now?” My husband and I will get the definitive diagnosis this Thursday, and be making decisions about treatments. We are caring for my 95-year-old mother also. Our faith and trust in God will grow stronger legs than ever! Jesus said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow; each day has enough trouble of its own”.
I don’t regret much of anything in my life. I’ve had my share of failures and disappointments. The one thing I do regret is never having developed an exercise routine. Even in my mid-60s, I can feel how quickly my strength and flexibility wane if I skip exercise for more than a few days. It leads to a month or more of increased effort to build back to the point where I started. While I joke that retirement has been about doctors visits and exercise to avoid doctors visits, it has a strong grain of truth.
Janice, I read this today, right after a session in which the 92-year-old physician I work with told me about a dream from the night before. Endless doors at a hospital, endless cards to show, until he hit one door he had no card for and couldn't even get back the way he'd come. He said he woke up, realized it was "a bunch of crap," and just went back to sleep.
He's spent sixty years telling patients some version of the same thing — you can't always control the system, but you can control how much power you hand it versus your own peace of mind. Your question today is basically what he was working out at 4 am in his own dream.
The way we relate to ourselves matters.
Thanks Janice. I totally agree- how we talk to ourselves during this major chapter in our lives is key. And this does reflect the challenge of identity development as we age. Important discussions. 😊
I am 81, and feel the love for myself more than ever. But my frankness seems to have no bounds in my family and they seem to take me with a grain of salt. I don’t mind. 🤗🤗
A very thought provoking question. Right where I am at this moment. Thank you. 🙏
Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful occasional e-mails. They help. About a week ago, I lost my keys (house, mailbox, car, etc). I'm 83 and have stubbornly searched everywhere. I can't help blaming myself. If I were younger . . . if I had been more observant . . . Pretty darn frustrating, but, somehow, with a bit of humor and self-forgiveness, I will persevere. Even if I can't open the darn mailbox!
Hi Beth, I can imagine just how frustrating that is and yes I suspect you will persevere.
And thank you for your newsletter that brightens my day each time. I'm a new subscriber, referred by a friend, and very appreciative of your thoughts.
Beth, let's just hope the winning envelope from Ed McMahon isn't waiting in that mailbox!
For keys, wallets, and phones, I use an aluminum disposable container — the kind you get with store-bought baked lasagna. It sits near my front door on a table, and everything from my pockets gets dropped there the moment I walk in. Works for me.
I have a nice little basket right by the door. Usually, that's right where my keys are. Still missing, but we have a plan to replace all. Guess that's the way to go forward, one small action at a time!
Hi Janice! Thank you for the lovely and thought-provoking posts. I am 71, have a fused lower back, have had a hip replacement, need a knee replacement, have multiple disc herniations in my neck (all the afore-mentioned from accidents) and am now losing my vision to glaucoma & rod-cone dystrophy (a form of Retinitis Pigmentosa). So . . . let’s just say that I have a few “owies” I’m dealing with & am not the fit, trim gym rat I used to be. 😉 However, through it all God has been, and continues to be, so good to me. Being forced to retire from my law enforcement career early was a huge, unexpected change for me. I not only left a way of life I loved, but also the people I worked with & for. At my age now, I’m trying to be kinder to myself (less critical), to not push myself when fatigued, and to engage in more positive self-talk. Being more forgiving & less critical of myself when I make mistakes, finding joy in small things, and saying yes to more things that challenge me, are all goals I’m working on. I’ve got a ways to go but am embracing the change!
Hi, Like you I'm trying to be kinder to myself and less critical, while saying yes to challenges. Not always easy, as we both know.
Whew, I needed this reminder today! While I am younger than you Janice, I still see rapid changes in myself and my life and am beginning to face many of the challenges you talk about, or they are visible on the horizon. Reading your words about the importance of resilience and self-knowledge is an excellent nudge to keep doing the work. Thank you.
Hi Donna, I'm finding it's good to be aware of them at your age - and then prepare accordingly as best we can.
Such an important issue, Janice. I don't find an easy answer, but I am working on it. That's the important part. 🤭
Hi Sharron, I agree with you, working on it is the important part.
I am 57, facing unexpected early retirement from a 34 year career that I have loved and that has been my entire identity. While I know this is an incredible gift (full pension, 8 years early) I still find myself struggling mentally with this shift in life plans. I am trying to reframe and look at this as the incredible opportunity that it is, to rediscover myself. As a piece by the poet Trevin Cutinho puts it, “When everything you hoped for slips through your fingers, who will you become?”
Hi, I can certainly understand the mental - and emotional - challenge involved. Now can be an incredible opportunity and at the same time, a soul searching one.
I am 64 and facing a cancer diagnosis. My relationship with myself has shifted from “it’s all about me” (my self-centered focus of 30 years ago when my marriage was failing) to “what does God require of me now?” My husband and I will get the definitive diagnosis this Thursday, and be making decisions about treatments. We are caring for my 95-year-old mother also. Our faith and trust in God will grow stronger legs than ever! Jesus said, “Don’t worry about tomorrow; each day has enough trouble of its own”.
Hi, My thoughts and prayers are with you as go through this phase of your journey.
The stress, the fear, the dread. Same root cause. How you talk to yourself when things get hard. That's the whole game.
That seems to be the bottom line of it - doesn't it?
It really does.
I'm 76 & have recently embraced self compassion! At last. It does help deflect the inner critic more!
Hi Denyse, Good point: self-compassion acting as a buffer against the inner critic.
I don’t regret much of anything in my life. I’ve had my share of failures and disappointments. The one thing I do regret is never having developed an exercise routine. Even in my mid-60s, I can feel how quickly my strength and flexibility wane if I skip exercise for more than a few days. It leads to a month or more of increased effort to build back to the point where I started. While I joke that retirement has been about doctors visits and exercise to avoid doctors visits, it has a strong grain of truth.
Hi Tim, I strongly believe in the theory if you don't use, it you lose it - your experience illustrates it so well.
We are all works in progress! 👍❤️👏
That we are!
Janice, I read this today, right after a session in which the 92-year-old physician I work with told me about a dream from the night before. Endless doors at a hospital, endless cards to show, until he hit one door he had no card for and couldn't even get back the way he'd come. He said he woke up, realized it was "a bunch of crap," and just went back to sleep.
He's spent sixty years telling patients some version of the same thing — you can't always control the system, but you can control how much power you hand it versus your own peace of mind. Your question today is basically what he was working out at 4 am in his own dream.
Hi James, What a great story - and how true, we can't always control the system but we can control how much power we give it.