Seven years ago, I went to the eye doctor for my yearly eye exam and to get a new pair of glasses. It looked like every other optometrist’s office: white and beige, kind of bland.
The next couple weeks my left eye didn’t seem right - something was blocking the corner of that eye - like the new glasses were misaligned. I went back to the office a couple times to have them checked, but they found nothing wrong.
Finally, on the third visit, the technician retested my eyes. She had me close my right eye, look into the machine, and tell her what I saw. I said, “It’s all black.”
She immediately sent me back to the young optometrist, who sent me to a specialist. They hoped to repair my retina, but it was too late.
Five days later, I had surgery to insert a scleral buckle which would gently press the outer wall of the eye inward and push the retina back in place.
Today, that eye works to a degree, but the right eye carries the burden. Double vision and a lack of depth perception led to letting my driver’s license lapse and being much more cautious when walking down steps or on uneven ground.
All things considered, I feel fortunate that I see as much as I do. The consequences are part of my life but not part of my personal identity.
Below, I bring you what I’m finding when medical issues became part of my life compared to the general advice experts give.
Experts say there are four states of illness identity: Rejection refers to refusing to fully acknowledge the condition. Engulfment applies to becoming entirely consumed by it. Acceptance relates to finding a balance where the condition is acknowledged as part of life without completely ruling it. Enrichment pertains to adapting to the journey with newfound resilience, deeper empathy, and an integrated sense of personal strength.
What I’m Finding:
Rejection: I’m fully aware of and pay attention to this condition.
Engulfment: Yet, I refuse to let it rule my life.
Acceptance: I honestly acknowledge the change in my eye and am more cautious - double checking as I cross streets, walk down steps, or work on the computer.
Enrichment: I’ve found ways to adapt and have a much deeper appreciation for my eyes.
Experts say we should create medical boundaries. Separating our identity from a medical condition requires intentional, daily boundary-setting to ensure a diagnosis remains a circumstance, not who we are.
What I’m Finding:
I refuse to refer to them as ‘my eye problems.’
I’m still me with eyes that need extra consideration.
Experts say we must shift our language, create a support system, and control our conversations.
What I’m Finding:
I’ve used those strategies repeatedly - they are band-aids.
I’d rather understand the underlying reason. Then maybe I can make adjustments which lessen the impact.
Experts say living with chronic or long-term medical issues means shifting our focus from fighting a temporary illness to integrating health management into our everyday routine.
What I’m Finding:
While that’s true, it’s also important to allow ourselves to experience as normal a life as possible and to enjoy what we can given the circumstances.
Each one of us has to figure out what that means, though.
As much as possible, we don’t want a medical condition to alter our inner perception of who we are and how we experience the world as a distinct, living person.
A question to consider is this: What medical issues are part of your life and how are you managing them?
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Dr. Janice Walton is a psychologist, widow, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and writer. She has written articles for Substack for the past five years and recently published a book, The Insider’s Guide to Aging Well Through the Eyes of an 87-year-old.
What medical issues are part of your life and how are you managing them?
Hi Janice. You are a brave soul. I've had all sorts of maladies cropping up in the past six years. But the last year has been challenging. I suspect grief is playing a role. For now, I like to say I put the fires out - whatever issue surfaces I address it. I'm still battling finding a primary care doctor. I finally found one who will take me, but not for another month. So I suffer, well, let's say I'm not at my best.
I dread the day that ears, eyes, mobility, and teeth are challenged... well for that matter any body part that goes south. But I'm determined not to talk about it. Discuss it. Make it part of my story. Just keep moving and hope I dodge "it" and live to see another day (no pun intended, I promise.
I'm getting ready to finally close on the condo, a very long and sad year, but the end of this era is near, so looking forward to brighter days ahead, of course they will never be the same without Carl... but I'm still alive and I like to remind myself we're given one life, live it to the maximum.
Sending much love and good thoughts your way.