Mom

The Gifts She Gave

Photo by insung yoon on Unsplash

Mom was born in 1914; she had an older sister and a younger brother. When she was 13, her parents were going to visit relatives when a car broadsided theirs. Her mother died instantly, and her father died six years later. She lived with relatives until she was 22, when she married my dad. In her early thirties, her brother and sister died.

She didn’t talk about her childhood, parents, or siblings. I can imagine her pain, although I never saw or heard it. She kept those thoughts and feelings locked deep inside.

Mom died in 1994 - I never had the relationship I wanted with her, but she was there - always.

There’s a reason for that story! While I sometimes wish my childhood was different and that I knew her better, I recently realized she gave me two valuable gifts.

The first gift was her strength. Not only did she lose her entire family at a young age, but she was a housewife who wanted to do more. She didn’t drive, have an outside job, or participate in the decision-making. She was home most days unless Dad took her and us somewhere or she took the bus.

My brother and I moved to the West Coast - he went to Oregon, and my family and I went to California. So, after Dad died, she was on her own to build a new life, and she did so with little support. She learned to drive a car, manage the finances, find a volunteer position, and move from Ohio to Arizona. She is a role model as I continue on a similar path - some 40 years later and with much more support.

The second gift was to introduce me to my life passion - psychology and self-help. In the early 1970s, she gave me the book Three Magic Words by U.S. Anderson; it captured my interest. I still have the book with her handwritten notes and treasure it. At about the same time, she took me to a personal development workshop. The book and the workshop set the stage for who I am today - an 85-year-old psychologist creating a new life independently.

I wanted to know more about Mom - her stories, thoughts, and feelings - that didn’t happen. However, she gave me two priceless gifts - not the ones I was looking for as a child and young adult, but ones that are serving me well now.

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