How Excuses Get in the Way

Of My Goals

Photo by Simon English on Unsplash

Whether it was the short daylight hours, no baseball games, grey skies, my 85th birthday, accepting what being a widow means, violence worldwide, or all of the above, I’ve struggled with a feeling of deep sadness and lack of motivation to do things on my “want to do list,” recently. My excuses are plentiful.

• I’m too old

• My knees hurt, and I don’t see as well as I do

• I don’t want to

• It’s too far to walk

• I don’t know how

• I’m afraid

• I don’t want to bother anyone

• I might make a mistake

• So-called valid procrastinations

However, Spring and blue skies are here, baseball season is in full swing, and trips to Yosemite and Salt Lake City are on the calendar. I’m coming out of the fog.

The truth is this. I’m an 85-year-old widow with two rescue cats—you’ve met them, Bailey and Bella.

black and tortie cats

The three of us live in a centrally located apartment. I can walk to most stores and services, and there is online shopping. My eyes aren’t as good as they used to be, and my body has more aches than before, BUT . . . overall, I’m healthy, busy, safe, and loved.

My “want-to-do list” includes aging well independently, spending time with family, writing the newsletter, traveling, art projects, and other hobbies. But my recent choices haven’t reflected those interests - taking naps and reading a fiction book were becoming the choices. If I set aside the excuses and the things I have no control over, why wasn’t I making more supportive ones? Could it be one of the following?

• Old habits get in the way

• I don’t really want to pursue those goals

• Trying to do too much

• Feeling sorry for myself

Maybe!!!

One blog explains that

many things obstruct us from completing our goals: failure to set deadlines, listening to negative voices (ours and others), lack of focus, procrastination, and established habits.

The University of Miami website also suggests that fear of losing, unclear goals, and multitasking may play a role.

Some say that goals are good for planning your progress, and systems are suitable for making progress.

That’s helped me focus. I call it setting myself up for success or my life hacks. I put things in place that motivate me to do what I want, like setting out the bags the night before going to the grocery.

However, as I’ve mentioned previously, James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, is one of my go-to resources, and he says this.

First, the key to building lasting habits is to focus on creating a new identity. Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity. What you do now is a mirror image of the person you believe you are (consciously or subconsciously).

The article, How to Change Your Beliefs and Stick to Your Goals for Good, or the video below, gives you a bird’s eye view of the concept.

I recently found his guidebook for building identity-based goals that challenged me to look deeper. So that’s one of the next steps in my plan for making choices that better support my goals rather than excuses for not doing them. I’ll let you know how it goes.

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If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimer's Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.