Self-fulfilling prophecies involve people predicting or expecting something, and their prediction or expectation coming true because they believed it and acted in ways that made it happen.
I do share your newsletter every chance I get. My friends and family are all aging. The information you bring -- and the wonderful resources are so very valuable, Janice.
I think I would want to know at least in the early stages where I could express what I thought I would want later. Maybe even handwrite a letter to my future self.
My mom declined and died with dementia in her mid 80s. She was in a memory care unit the last 3 years. She had several friends who cared for husbands with dementia. She had had a DNR for over 20 years and she was very clear she hated the idea of living with dementia. But her religious beliefs would not have allowed her to take her own life, not that it is permitted under any of the states' laws. She went from needing help with meds and dressing to needing to have everything done for her. She had neither short term nor long term memory. Her room was full of family photos labeled with names. When she could still speak she broke my heart the day she asked "did I have a husband?" The only blessing in the later stages was that she forgot how much she would have hated knowing she had dementia. I know different dementias progress differently, some much more slowly than others. Hers was a vascular dementia that progressed rapidly. A dear friend who was a high government official with a Ph.D. and an impressive career also went through a rapid decline in her early 70s and died within a couple of years. She had been brilliant and knew she wasn't any more. Towards the end she did become physically aggressive which was shocking because she had been such a gentle soul. I've probably said too much but I think I would want to know if it were me and have some input on my choices if still possible. By the way, every time we had move my mom to a new environment (independent living to assisted living to memory care unit) there was a step down in her function from which she never recovered. The inability to form new memories in dementia is devastating. I really appreciate your perspective and openness about your journey as well as your focus on positive actions.
Hi Jan, That was my saving thought as well; at least my husband didn't know who he had become. During our 60 years of marriage, we rarely argued, then we were fighting all the time. It broke my heart, but he didn't remember.
Yes! I love the work of Dr Ellen Langer from Harvard who has done some fascinating studies about how our perception and attention affect our health. Her book The Mindful Body goes into more detail the same things you're setting out here.
I appreciate how you point out that even though you, as a psychologist, had a great deal of experience and info there are still some things you would have done differently. Thanks for this excellent information.
It’s unfortunate that General anesthetics can cause temporary or permanent cognitive issues in older persons. What choice do we have, if we need surgery? It’s possible that some anesthetics are more likely to have this effect than others. Definitely worth discussing ahead of time with one’s anesthesiologist.
Hi Stella, I had no idea that anesthesia could make such a difference. I talked with the anesthesiologist afterward, and she said that deeper surgery required more, and that's when it becomes problematic. The irony is that I'm not sure my husband needed the surgery. I couldn't change the course of the disease, but maybe we would have longer together. Your suggestion of speaking to the anesthesiologist first is an excellent idea. I've had two eye surgeries since his surgery, and I mentioned my concerns.
So sorry for your loss. We can only do the best we can with what we know at the time. My mother was an RN who trained during WWII. She used to say that to a hammer every problem looks like a nail. She was talking about urologists but it applies to surgeons too.
Self-fulfilling prophecies involve people predicting or expecting something, and their prediction or expectation coming true because they believed it and acted in ways that made it happen.
I do share your newsletter every chance I get. My friends and family are all aging. The information you bring -- and the wonderful resources are so very valuable, Janice.
I think I would want to know at least in the early stages where I could express what I thought I would want later. Maybe even handwrite a letter to my future self.
My mom declined and died with dementia in her mid 80s. She was in a memory care unit the last 3 years. She had several friends who cared for husbands with dementia. She had had a DNR for over 20 years and she was very clear she hated the idea of living with dementia. But her religious beliefs would not have allowed her to take her own life, not that it is permitted under any of the states' laws. She went from needing help with meds and dressing to needing to have everything done for her. She had neither short term nor long term memory. Her room was full of family photos labeled with names. When she could still speak she broke my heart the day she asked "did I have a husband?" The only blessing in the later stages was that she forgot how much she would have hated knowing she had dementia. I know different dementias progress differently, some much more slowly than others. Hers was a vascular dementia that progressed rapidly. A dear friend who was a high government official with a Ph.D. and an impressive career also went through a rapid decline in her early 70s and died within a couple of years. She had been brilliant and knew she wasn't any more. Towards the end she did become physically aggressive which was shocking because she had been such a gentle soul. I've probably said too much but I think I would want to know if it were me and have some input on my choices if still possible. By the way, every time we had move my mom to a new environment (independent living to assisted living to memory care unit) there was a step down in her function from which she never recovered. The inability to form new memories in dementia is devastating. I really appreciate your perspective and openness about your journey as well as your focus on positive actions.
Hi Jan, That was my saving thought as well; at least my husband didn't know who he had become. During our 60 years of marriage, we rarely argued, then we were fighting all the time. It broke my heart, but he didn't remember.
Yes! I love the work of Dr Ellen Langer from Harvard who has done some fascinating studies about how our perception and attention affect our health. Her book The Mindful Body goes into more detail the same things you're setting out here.
I appreciate how you point out that even though you, as a psychologist, had a great deal of experience and info there are still some things you would have done differently. Thanks for this excellent information.
It’s unfortunate that General anesthetics can cause temporary or permanent cognitive issues in older persons. What choice do we have, if we need surgery? It’s possible that some anesthetics are more likely to have this effect than others. Definitely worth discussing ahead of time with one’s anesthesiologist.
Hi Stella, I had no idea that anesthesia could make such a difference. I talked with the anesthesiologist afterward, and she said that deeper surgery required more, and that's when it becomes problematic. The irony is that I'm not sure my husband needed the surgery. I couldn't change the course of the disease, but maybe we would have longer together. Your suggestion of speaking to the anesthesiologist first is an excellent idea. I've had two eye surgeries since his surgery, and I mentioned my concerns.
So sorry for your loss. We can only do the best we can with what we know at the time. My mother was an RN who trained during WWII. She used to say that to a hammer every problem looks like a nail. She was talking about urologists but it applies to surgeons too.