Steps to a Healthier Self Image

Ditching Regrets and What Ifs

Photo by Tadeusz Zachwieja on Unsplash

For the past eight years, what-ifs and regrets plagued me - as I took care of Dan at home, placed him in a memory care facility, lost him to COVID, and began living on my own.

Friends and relatives repeatedly say I shouldn’t feel that way. However, if you’ve read this newsletter, you know doubts remain.

In the article How to Move Past Regret, The Psych Central website says

Regret can include guilt, embarrassment, and self-blame. It can include asking yourself hypothetical questions such as: “What if I acted differently? What if I took that opportunity? What if I didn’t say what I said?

In a second article, Living With Regrets and How to Deal With Them the authors say

Sometimes, regret is fleeting, but there are ways you can stop living with it.

So, when a subscriber asked me to write about what-ifs and regrets, I couldn’t resist. I work constantly on being more compassionate with myself. Here’s the latest version of my plan.

1. Rather than dwelling on should haves, could haves, or wishes . . . remember that then, given who I was, the effects of the disease, and the surrounding circumstances - that was my very best effort. Today, my best effort would be different.

2. Rather than focusing on what I didn’t do, I want to acknowledge my situation and focus on my next steps.

3. The truth about life is that people make mistakes. As human beings, they fail and are imperfect. Accepting this reality with kindness and patience instead of self-judgment helps.

4. It boils down to whether I dwell on what-ifs and regrets or focus on what I can do now. It’s a choice.

So, I plan to remind myself regularly that everyone makes mistakes and that I choose what to focus on. It’s a start.

P. S. I’d love to have you share the Aging Well Newsletter with others. I want to bring the lessons I’ve learned through the years of life and caregiving to as many people as possible. More than anything, I want to continue to expand our community of readers.

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