The Family Caregiver Has Needs Too

But They Are Often Overlooked

Photo by chaithanya krishnan on Unsplash

When Dan lived at the memory care facility, they cared for his needs well enough; they entertained, fed, bathed, monitored his health, and cleaned his room.

But as his wife and life partner for 63 years, they didn’t meet mine. I still wanted to be involved in his life, know how he was doing, talk with him daily, and be confident that he was safe.

Living alone was a new experience for me, and I needed reassurance. When I initially spoke with the staff, I told them what I wanted - and they agreed. Yes, since it was during the pandemic, I could FaceTime with him daily. Yes, they would give me weekly updates on his condition, and yes, they would keep him safe.

But that was not how it went. I called, I complained, and they promised, but nothing happened. The most flagrant situation was when they sent him alone to the hospital by ambulance because he was experiencing COVID symptoms and didn’t let me know. The next day, someone from the hospital called and asked me how he got there.

In retrospect, I was expecting too much of the people at the facility - what I was asking for was not part of their job.

My point is that you also have needs as someone who cares for loved ones. Talking to Dan daily would have meant a lot to me when he was in the facility. Just hearing his voice was enough to keep me going.

Each of us is different, So wherever you are in your caregiving journey, know what you need to help you keep going.

• Is it a mini-break? How can you make that happen in an acceptable way to you and the person you care for?

• Is it 15 minutes of alone time before you start the day? Can you get up earlier to allow yourself that time?

• Is it having flowers in the house?

• Is it a half-hour walk with a friend - who will watch the person you care for?

• Is it respite care so you can have alone time - will your loved one allow that?

Then, take care of yourself by meeting those needs. And, yes, you better believe it’s easier said than done. Having a plan is key.

The following articles may give you ideas of ways others could help.

6 Simple Yet Meaningful Ways To Support a Caregiver - Caregivers need our love and support even if they haven’t asked for it.

Supporting Caregivers suggests

• Help with errands, chores, and other tasks.

• Provide emotional and social support.

• Negotiate times to check in on them.

• Make sure they are managing their own healthcare needs.

• Help them create and manage a care plan for the person they care for.

• Encourage them to seek mental health services if necessary

What Do Caregivers Need Most? - They need to know and feel that someone truly cares about them.

Some of those ideas may help you determine what would help you manage one of the most challenging jobs of your life. If you have ideas that work for you, let us know.

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If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimer's Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.