Even though Trader Joe’s, the neighborhood grocery store, is next door, and it’s certainly easier than going to a supermarket, I dread going and put it off for as long as possible. Grocery shopping was much easier when my husband and I went together. But times have changed, now it’s just me, and I’m very good at stalling.
Experts say the most common excuses for stalling include a lack of motivation, feeling overwhelmed, a lack of time, and personal preferences or priorities. They also mention numerous valid reasons, such as illness, family emergencies, or unforeseen circumstances, that can and do arise, necessitating postponements.
My favorite excuses include I’ll wait until tomorrow, the store will be too crowded, it’s too early or too late, and I’ve got more important things to do, like reading a book.
Tony Robbins, the motivational speaker and author, makes a good point when he suggests that excuses stem from three primary reasons: fear, uncertainty, or a lack of purpose. He advises that we stop making excuses and determine which apply to us. That made sense to me.
Fear
Making excuses can be traced back to fear, which manifests in various forms.
Fear is a significant reason for my delays, especially since my husband died.
My three underlying worries are that I won’t be able to take care of what needs to be done, that I’ll do something wrong, or that I'll have to ask for help.
Susan Jeffers, the well-known author and speaker, proposed ‘feeling the fear and doing it anyway.’ That’s my approach—and it’s doable, but not easy.
Uncertainty
One of our most powerful needs is certainty: we are driven to avoid pain and seek out things that please us. When we face situations we’re not sure about, our brains tend to make excuses rather than deal with all the doubt and anxiety.
I’ve spent the last five years crawling out of the comfort zone of married life. As a single older adult, I’m faced with a new set of challenges and changes that have created significant stress. So I find ways to alleviate my anxiety by procrastinating as long as possible.
Lack of purpose
Excuses may stem from fear of criticism or embarrassment, which, in turn, can affect decisions.
When I debate about going to the grocery versus staying home and feeling safe, staying home wins—hands down. Amazon Fresh and DoorDash deliver to my front door, making the choice so much easier.
However, those choices don’t help me age well, which is my goal, so I’m making an effort to challenge myself more often instead of taking the easy route.
Together, those reasons contribute to my tendency to make excuses and procrastinate. Self-doubt and a lack of confidence cause worry about my ability to manage what needs to be done. In terms of going to Trader Joe’s, freedom from anxiety outweighs the desire to go - the emotional price is too high- so I make choices that avoid doing what needs to be done for as long as possible.
Avoidant behaviors
Psychologists identify several factors that contribute to procrastination, including low self-confidence, lack of structure, and an inability to motivate ourselves to complete unpleasant tasks. They say we use avoidance as a way of coping with the pain, trauma, and mental health issues that may arise by:
Talking ourselves out of doing something.
Finding reasons to avoid social gatherings or leave early.
Stalling when the tasks cause stress.
Ignore conflict, new experiences, and change at all costs.
I’m really good at choosing those behaviors, but I’m also making plans to conquer them.
Before going to bed, I plan the next day and lay things out to remind and motivate myself. Sometimes, having a reminder is enough.
Determine the actions needed to complete a task, and work on them in small steps.
Limit distractions by turning off the television or buying junk food, so I don’t have to make excuses for choices that go against my goals.
Make a to-do list; that often acts as a trigger for action.
However, we don’t have to wait for motivation before taking action. Just taking the first step can be the motivator, making a dreaded task easier to do.
It’s up to me in the long run - put on my big girl pants and get it done, or stay stuck in my excuses and worry a while longer.
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Tony Robbins, the motivational speaker and author, makes a good point when he suggests that excuses stem from three primary reasons: fear, uncertainty, or a lack of purpose. He advises that we stop making excuses and determine which apply to us.
Purpose. Just a single, simple purpose for the moment as I come into the day helps me(as a 77-year-old). Then I’m neither under or overwhelmed.
I can go either way in a heartbeat!