It’s a blue sky day in California, the sun is shining through the patio window, a Youtube video is playing piano music with beautiful scenery of Yosemite in the background, one cat is hiding under the bed covers as usual, and the other is sitting on a chair next to me as I edit this article one last time before hitting the publish button.
And then I get it! The topic, lowering our expectations as we age, is discouraging and raises questions for me.
Do I really have to live with the assumption that aging automatically means expecting less. Does it have to be that way?
My body is aging, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I have to give up or settle for less. I’d rather think in terms of maintaining what I want to do now as much as possible, protecting my ability to do so in later years, and understanding what my changing body needs from me.
Below, I discuss my expectations about aging as compared to the general advice experts give.
Experts say older individuals mindset toward aging plays a major part in their success.
What I’m finding:
My mindset about aging was relatively positive, but two recent insights created doubt.
Even though I did everything possible to have an enjoyable trip to Hawaii last year, my body didn’t cooperate and made the trip less fun.
No matter what I did, my body was going to age - and possibly it would be able to do even less in two years.
If those insights are true, then what! I can feel sorry for myself or put on my big girl pants and look at options and possibilities.
Experts say slowing down means adapting to what our body and mind need now, rather than clinging to expectations formed decades earlier.
What I’m Finding:
It’s a challenge, but experience has shown that slowing down does help me manage better in several ways such as catching mistakes before they happen and figuring things out for myself rather than having to ask others.
Maybe it’s a matter of definition, but I like to think of this as finding a better way given my life circumstances rather than a lowering of my expectations.
Experts say that embracing a "good enough" mindset means shifting our focus from an unattainable, flawless ideal to a standard that balances high quality with practical efficiency by listening to our body, redefining success, and asking for help.
What I’m Finding:
Being satisfied with good enough rather than perfection might lessen the pressure - but at the same time that’s not who I am.
My goal has been and remains to do my best - maybe in a different way, maybe more slowly but still being true to my values and goals.
Experts say aging doesn’t automatically mean expecting less; instead, it might mean expecting differently and prioritizing what truly matters.
What I’m Finding:
That’s a better way for me to think about aging.
Experts say scientific data shows the path of later life is highly adaptable, with many older adults experiencing significant improvements in their well-being and capabilities.
What I’m Finding:
While writing the newsletter articles, I read and research topics daily.
I’m learning to use my iPad, iMac, and iPhone more effectively to support my writing goals.
My capabilities are developing and I’m actively working on my personal well-being through the writing. So improvements - yes!
Experts say we shouldn’t give up our goals, rather we should change how we reach them by using the SOC framework:
Selection: Focus our energy on a few meaningful goals or hobbies rather than trying to do everything.
Optimization: Practice and refine the skills needed for those chosen goals to keep our performance high.
Compensation: Use modern tools or new methods when physical limitations arise.
What I’m Finding:
This framework seems doable for me.
For now, my meaningful goals are writing, aging well, and learning to use my devices more effectively to support those goals.
One step in that direction, I’ve learned to dictate my articles into the computer rather than type them.
P. S. You might find the newsletter The Long Ride of value. Greg Pallone explores the science and joy of living well in the second half of life. He writes about fitness, nutrition, and health-span while examining aging and thriving on our own terms.
Please let your friends and family know about the Aging Well Newsletter. I want to share the lessons I’ve learned over my years of life and caregiving with as many people as possible, and, more than anything, I want to continue expanding our community of readers.
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Dr. Janice Walton is a psychologist, widow, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and writer. She has written articles for Substack for the past five years and recently published a book, The Insider’s Guide to Aging Well Through the Eyes of an 87-year-old.
Do we really have to live with the assumption that aging automatically means expecting less. Does it have to be that way?
After 50, I stopped saying yes to everything and started saying yes to what I actually want. Expect less? Absolutely not. I just got pickier as I mature. 💋