Making a Plan
When Caring for a Loved One
When Dan came home from the hospital, I assumed his body would heal. I would keep my job and help more as needed; life would return to normal.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. While Dan’s body recovered quickly, his fragile memory did not. In about four years, he went from a high-functioning, intelligent, kind-hearted man who held a full-time job at age 78 to an argumentative, scared 12-year-old at age 82.
Caring for him was challenging, heartbreaking, and stressful. My approach evolved on the fly and was reactive. A plan wouldn’t have solved the problem, but had I been better prepared, known what to expect, and had some idea of what to do, I might have managed myself and the situation better.
These websites provide good information, but there are many more.
Today, I’d have a basic system in mind that would cover my emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, and practical needs, which in turn would allow me to care for Dan, given the challenges he faced
That means accepting the current reality, knowing what is necessary, and preparing for it to change. It’s not that I can or should do or be everything, but I must have a plan in mind that does.
First, I’d determine what I can reasonably manage regarding my emotions and energy and what he requires. Questions I might ask myself are:
Am I healthy?
Do I have a full-time job?
Who else in the family do I care for?
How much care does my loved one require, and in what ways?
What does he need?
How much stress can I manage?
And I would learn about the disease, the available resources, and what I can afford. I would consider points such as:
Cost of specific resources
Trustworthiness of the resources
Confidence in their ability to manage required responsibilities
Particulars of the disease
Available family and other support
At the time, I was healthy and had a full-time job. Our children were grown. Initially, I saw myself as a care partner - helping Dan do what he needed to. But as the disease progressed, he required additional support. I could handle stress at work but was less strong when it involved my family.
Cost was not an issue, but I erroneously thought I could do it myself; Dan was adamant that no stranger was coming into our home, and our children were supportive once they knew the true story. We knew little about the disease until late in the process.
Having that information would influence my future decisions.
Then I’d talk to experts, research articles, and read websites for ideas and resources to help us survive the challenge.
I’d look at these resources for both - the caregiver and the person being cared for.
Emotional - Supporting the two of you through the highs and lows of being ill and caring for them.
Caregiver Action Network The Toolbox offers a wealth of information.
Packaging Our Emotional Toolkit - The Emotional Emergency Kit is a set of emotional wellness tools that includes activities you can share with your family.
Some caregivers join support groups. Visit first - decide whether you feel comfortable with them and the environment.
Intellectual - Includes things like creative hobbies, problem-solving, learning new things, and developing self-identity for both of you.
The Intellectual Aspect of Caregiving - caregiving encompasses nurturing an individual’s intellectual capacities. It involves stimulating and supporting cognitive abilities, fostering creativity, and promoting lifelong learning.
What Is Intellectual Wellness in Senior Living - Nurturing people’s intellectual wellness isn’t just about expanding their worldview; it’s a way to keep cognitive skills sharp as they age and ensure they feel connected to their surroundings.
Spiritual - Searching for meaning and higher purpose in human existence. You can find strong support in your faith and prayer if you are a churchgoer. I thought of it as acting compassionately - according to my beliefs and values as Dan did.
Providing Spiritual Care -Spirituality means different things to different people. It can be about searching for life’s meaning and purpose or finding the best relationship with themselves, others, society, and nature.
What Is Spiritual Care - Spiritual resources are practices, beliefs, objects, and relationships that people turn to for help in times of crisis or concern.
Caregiver Support Services - Tips to Enhance Your Spiritual Wellness as a Caregiver.
Physical -Nourishing healthy bodies through exercise, nutrition, sleep, etc.
Caregiver Health and Wellness - Being a caregiver can take a physical and emotional toll. But specific actions can help.
Physical Well-being for Family Members and Caregivers - Caring for yourself equals caring for your loved one. Caregivers sometimes focus so intently on the physical well-being of their loved ones that they lose sight of their own.
Practical - This is a balancing act - allowing your loved one to do as much as possible while keeping everyone safe.
Primarily, it’s about setting ourselves and the person we care for up for success as much as possible during a challenging time - having resources in place and options to choose from.
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When Dan came home from the hospital, I assumed his body would heal. I would keep my job and help more as needed; life would return to normal.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. While Dan’s body recovered quickly, his fragile memory did not. In about four years, he went from a high-functioning, intelligent, kind-hearted man who held a full-time job at age 78 to an argumentative, scared 12-year-old at age 82.
Janice, thank you for another extremely helpful post. I am saving them all in case I need them some day. You are a gold-mine of information. It is also great how you phrase everything as, "here is what I would do," instead of, "this is what you should do." Thank you, thank you!