When Dan came home from the hospital, I assumed his body would heal. I would keep my job and help more as needed; life would return to normal.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. While Dan’s body recovered quickly, his fragile memory did not. In about four years, he went from a high-functioning, intelligent, kind-hearted man who held a full-time job at age 78 to an argumentative, scared 12-year-old at age 82.
Janice, thank you for another extremely helpful post. I am saving them all in case I need them some day. You are a gold-mine of information. It is also great how you phrase everything as, "here is what I would do," instead of, "this is what you should do." Thank you, thank you!
Thank you for providing all this information, Janice. My mother handled dad's dementia decline heroically and is a great role model for me. But I think she hid the extent of his memory loss and avoided seeking support other than from my brother and me, for too long.
She tried to hide it from me until she was forced to go to the emergency room herself for heart failure. She tried to tell me on the phone without saying it, but I had seen his decline over the months, and just put down the phone, packed my laptop and an overnight bag, and got on the road to meet them at the hospital, assuring her at her bedside in the ER that I would take care of him until she returned home. I was fortunate in that my job was home office based and I had no current clients to travel to at the time.
I think I will have a talk with my sons when my husband and I hit 70, letting them know that this is a decade when aging may start to take a more significant toll on us.
It's very helpful how you break down the needs of the caregiver in manageable chunks. I think there are a few areas many of us would forget about so it's great to gain that awareness ahead of time. Thank you Janice.
As a woman I think I have a fairly high threshold for pain and suffering before I call it pain and suffering. It’s hard to be aware of this. I am making some notes on how my elderly mother is experiencing this so I can be more ready to ask for help when I need it before I reach my breaking point. I think mum is only realising these things just now which is probably a bit late. I am determined to be a bit more needy and selfish as I age. But I am also realising that my idea of selfish is not me being selfish in a young person’s eyes. I hope this makes sense.
These are valuable resources that will help raise the caretaker self-awareness too... we rarely pa attention to ourselves while trying to navigate through someone else's, a recipe for disaster. Gosh I wish you'd been around when I was caregiving. Seven years navigating without resources took a toll on my own health. It took years to recover and get back to 'me'—great article.
Hi Janice, this is a wonderful resource for others looking for testimonials and resources. They may not see themselves as carers but need some caring 'tips'. Your learnings are a beautiful way of inviting others to consider different challenges. I'm going to share this on my website as a link. Thank you for your work on this, it's going to be priceless for others.
When Dan came home from the hospital, I assumed his body would heal. I would keep my job and help more as needed; life would return to normal.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. While Dan’s body recovered quickly, his fragile memory did not. In about four years, he went from a high-functioning, intelligent, kind-hearted man who held a full-time job at age 78 to an argumentative, scared 12-year-old at age 82.
Janice, thank you for another extremely helpful post. I am saving them all in case I need them some day. You are a gold-mine of information. It is also great how you phrase everything as, "here is what I would do," instead of, "this is what you should do." Thank you, thank you!
Thank you for providing all this information, Janice. My mother handled dad's dementia decline heroically and is a great role model for me. But I think she hid the extent of his memory loss and avoided seeking support other than from my brother and me, for too long.
She tried to hide it from me until she was forced to go to the emergency room herself for heart failure. She tried to tell me on the phone without saying it, but I had seen his decline over the months, and just put down the phone, packed my laptop and an overnight bag, and got on the road to meet them at the hospital, assuring her at her bedside in the ER that I would take care of him until she returned home. I was fortunate in that my job was home office based and I had no current clients to travel to at the time.
I think I will have a talk with my sons when my husband and I hit 70, letting them know that this is a decade when aging may start to take a more significant toll on us.
It's very helpful how you break down the needs of the caregiver in manageable chunks. I think there are a few areas many of us would forget about so it's great to gain that awareness ahead of time. Thank you Janice.
Thank you so much for this wonderful article. It has arrived right on time. God bless you...
As a woman I think I have a fairly high threshold for pain and suffering before I call it pain and suffering. It’s hard to be aware of this. I am making some notes on how my elderly mother is experiencing this so I can be more ready to ask for help when I need it before I reach my breaking point. I think mum is only realising these things just now which is probably a bit late. I am determined to be a bit more needy and selfish as I age. But I am also realising that my idea of selfish is not me being selfish in a young person’s eyes. I hope this makes sense.
These are valuable resources that will help raise the caretaker self-awareness too... we rarely pa attention to ourselves while trying to navigate through someone else's, a recipe for disaster. Gosh I wish you'd been around when I was caregiving. Seven years navigating without resources took a toll on my own health. It took years to recover and get back to 'me'—great article.
Hi Janice, this is a wonderful resource for others looking for testimonials and resources. They may not see themselves as carers but need some caring 'tips'. Your learnings are a beautiful way of inviting others to consider different challenges. I'm going to share this on my website as a link. Thank you for your work on this, it's going to be priceless for others.