In reality, aging well may begin not with acceptance, but with acknowledgment—the honest recognition of what is changing, what is being lost, and what remains.
Hadn’t thought about the distinction between acknowledgment and acceptance as changes inevitably come around. Thanks, you’ve given me something to think about!
"...not so much volunteering or attending community events." This line struck a chord within me this morning, Janice. I find I want to go out less and less. I have many opportunities with family and neighbors, but I usually say no thank you. Seems that at my age everything I need, everything that makes me happy and keeps me safe is right here within these four walls. I have stopped feeling guilty about saying no to invitations. As for interaction, well... my door is always unlocked and I welcome in any friend. And of course, there is Substack! 😊
I am an 83-year-old maybe closer to 84-year-old retired research psychologist and psychoanalyst. I have found great joy in learning to write fiction having just published a book about a 10 century Irish king who’s telling his own tale to a poet. I also play tennis at least three times a week maybe four or five, which is too much. And do a personal training once a week. My husband who I’ve been married to for 61 years, has Parkinson’s, but he plows ahead and for the most part is mentally as capable as he’s ever been. Never did like technology very much and really the only problems are that he gets very tired and can no longer do things that require balance like riding a bike or playing tennis, but he does much exercise every day, and I can foresee that he will be around at least for a few more years.
It is my observation that doctors prescribed prescription drugs to old people because they are old. The probability that bad things will happen to us does increase the older we get, but that’s life. I recently was speaking to my daughter about a story that someone in a Zoom class read today, in which a middle-aged mother was debating whether to jump off of a rock into a pond where her young teenage boys were waiting for her to follow after them. She was thinking to herself that one day they would be in her position of having to decide whether to put themselves in harms way for the sake of proving she could still do things or take the prudent course and save herself for the benefit of her sons. It made me sad to think of my own children and grandchildren getting old and frail, but then when I told this to my daughter, she expressed the opinion that life is life, and everyone goes through it. That all the people around today will be dead in 100 years or most of them anyway. That is indeed a sobering thought and makes one think that appreciating one’s life while one has it is a good thing.
Thank you for your blog and sharing stories. This is such an insightful perspective for me, an ICU nurse who works with elderly patients daily and strives to provide as compassionate and individualized care as I can.
Thank you for this clarifying article that distinguishes between acknowledgment and acceptance. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being more accepting of my age (and all that entails). But at least I can honestly acknowledge it and that is enough for now.
Hi, that's the position I have come to as well. I am very comfortable, honestly acknowledging my aging body, and maybe I will truly accept the changes in the future, or maybe not.
Hi CK - no prescription drugs, but I must confess to taking supplements and a couple of OTC ones. That's what I find about acceptance - it seems easier than done..
In reality, aging well may begin not with acceptance, but with acknowledgment—the honest recognition of what is changing, what is being lost, and what remains.
Hadn’t thought about the distinction between acknowledgment and acceptance as changes inevitably come around. Thanks, you’ve given me something to think about!
Always brave 🙌
"...not so much volunteering or attending community events." This line struck a chord within me this morning, Janice. I find I want to go out less and less. I have many opportunities with family and neighbors, but I usually say no thank you. Seems that at my age everything I need, everything that makes me happy and keeps me safe is right here within these four walls. I have stopped feeling guilty about saying no to invitations. As for interaction, well... my door is always unlocked and I welcome in any friend. And of course, there is Substack! 😊
Hi, I know exactly what you mean about not going out - I feel much more comfortable and safe in my apartment.
I am an 83-year-old maybe closer to 84-year-old retired research psychologist and psychoanalyst. I have found great joy in learning to write fiction having just published a book about a 10 century Irish king who’s telling his own tale to a poet. I also play tennis at least three times a week maybe four or five, which is too much. And do a personal training once a week. My husband who I’ve been married to for 61 years, has Parkinson’s, but he plows ahead and for the most part is mentally as capable as he’s ever been. Never did like technology very much and really the only problems are that he gets very tired and can no longer do things that require balance like riding a bike or playing tennis, but he does much exercise every day, and I can foresee that he will be around at least for a few more years.
It is my observation that doctors prescribed prescription drugs to old people because they are old. The probability that bad things will happen to us does increase the older we get, but that’s life. I recently was speaking to my daughter about a story that someone in a Zoom class read today, in which a middle-aged mother was debating whether to jump off of a rock into a pond where her young teenage boys were waiting for her to follow after them. She was thinking to herself that one day they would be in her position of having to decide whether to put themselves in harms way for the sake of proving she could still do things or take the prudent course and save herself for the benefit of her sons. It made me sad to think of my own children and grandchildren getting old and frail, but then when I told this to my daughter, she expressed the opinion that life is life, and everyone goes through it. That all the people around today will be dead in 100 years or most of them anyway. That is indeed a sobering thought and makes one think that appreciating one’s life while one has it is a good thing.
Hi Anne, that is a sobering thought and a great reminder to appreciate our lives and what we have while we have it.
Thank you for your practical, magical lessons. I am 82. It takes one to know a
(and get) one. Here is something I wrote a few days ago: Today, I have decided to be happy
This may sound kinda sappy
But a rescission from sadness
Is a decision for gladness
Which, believe it or not
Is our home-base position
So, when we have made this decision
To release our desperate hold
Onto what we told ourselves
About the unfairness life has dealt us
Let’s buckle up and hit the road to
The highways of joyfulness
Laid out before us
Hi David, I suspect that may be the key - deciding to be happy - no matter the circumstances.
I agree. Sometimes I forget I have this power even though it seems that I too often am trying to give it away.
Thank you for your blog and sharing stories. This is such an insightful perspective for me, an ICU nurse who works with elderly patients daily and strives to provide as compassionate and individualized care as I can.
Thank you for this clarifying article that distinguishes between acknowledgment and acceptance. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being more accepting of my age (and all that entails). But at least I can honestly acknowledge it and that is enough for now.
Hi, that's the position I have come to as well. I am very comfortable, honestly acknowledging my aging body, and maybe I will truly accept the changes in the future, or maybe not.
Wait. You don’t take any prescription drugs?
Acceptance is the toughest enlightenment of all.
Hi CK - no prescription drugs, but I must confess to taking supplements and a couple of OTC ones. That's what I find about acceptance - it seems easier than done..