Aging Alone

Uncharted Territory

Photo by Ralph Katieb on Unsplash

Like all couples, we had our ups and downs, but Dan was there - for over 60 years. The dementia caused him to be someone I didn’t know, but he was there. Somehow, his presence gave me the confidence and the courage to accomplish things I couldn’t - or didn’t think I could.

I have a purpose and many things to be grateful for today. I have enjoyable moments, and at the same time, my sense of security - my feeling of being safe and protected is missing.

The psychologist Abraham Maslow described the issue in his Hierarchy of Needs. I was at the Level of Self-Esteem when Dan was alive. I had confidence, a challenging job, and was achieving things.

After his death, I cared for my physiological needs but wasn’t providing for my safety and security needs.

I haven’t - yet - figured out how to give myself that sense of security. For various reasons, I’m not as confident in my capabilities as I was when I was younger, and there were two of us - we figured things out together, and Dan had my back. I could count on it.

But, I’m learning ways to rely on myself - which includes making mistakes and being wrong, and, at the same time, being kind to myself as I find better ways of doing. It’s all new territory.

The article 5 Tips to Feel More Secure says

Security can be found in a positive mindset, looking confident, reaching out, and spending time on things you love. While not always easy, these are all worth a try.

Based on the ideas in the article, I’m identifying ways to rebuild my sense of security. It’s a process and doesn’t happen overnight - but I’m taking steps in the right direction.

If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimer's Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.