19 Comments

Thank you Sharon. Most people have no idea the effort it takes to be a caregiver. They may know how to watch out for someone’s safety. A caregiver is one who truly cares. That is the hardest part of this job. Most people are elderly, you give them your heart so you can build trust. After a period of decline, most die. This is the first time I have ever had to be the one to say “I can’t “. I tried to talk myself into it. I didn’t speak up in time and fell. There was not another choice. I had to pull the pin on the on a very sad situation.

I appreciate your kind words.

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Hi Susan, If you think of any topics that would be of value, let me know.

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This is a great plan, Janice. I look forward to it!

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If you have any suggestions of topics to cover let me know.

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Amazing as it may seem, paid caregivers need this information as well as family caregivers. I am grateful for this information.

In January I needed to explain to the family of the lady I was caring for I was not able to keep their mom safe. They then needed to find a place for her to go. I was part of all the details in moving her. I went with the family the day she went. The guilt of my not able to remain sane and care for her, haunts me daily. For those who truly care for the patient it is not just family that needs reminding there is only so much you can do. That seems to be your message here.

Thank you for dealing with work that really takes every ounce of your being. When you have no more to give you must make your health the number 1 choice. It has taken 3 months to begin to heal.

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Hi Susan, Thank you for your important post. I wrote a response earlier but don't see it - so here it is again. That's the thing for me the guilt and pain of not being able to do more. Intellectually, I know I did my best, but my heart hasn't gotten the memo yet. It sounds as if you were a care-provider and a family member.

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"The guilt of my not able to remain sane and care for her, haunts me daily." Yes, Susan, three months is a beginning, though it may take much longer to rise above the trauma of it all. Give yourself the time you need.

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Hi Sharron, I so agree about giving yourself the time you need to heal. . . and it's possible a person never totally heals. It maybe, as someone else, said "it's not getting past the grieving, it is learning to live with it."

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Well... yes. From my own experience, this is the truth of the matter. I will never stop grieving the loss of my mother. I have simply made room for the grief. Some people, I fear, have a harder time accepting that.

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This upcoming series is going to be excellent. Folks need the actual nuts & bolts of what to DO. I am especially interested in how we change our beliefs. This is my personal wheelhouse, I am passionate about this kind of thing. But I know how tricky it is when we are exhausted, stressed and at our wits end...making positive mental change seems overwhelming. I look forward to your suggestions Janice.

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Thank you Donna. Let me know, if you have ideas of other topics to cover. While going through this, I was amazed at how many beliefs and habits had to change - they were not surviving me well.

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Janice,

I am not a tech wizard by a long shot. I do have a letter that I would like to forward to about the life of a paid caregiver.I just don’t know how to get it to you. Do you have a business email address that I could forward it to?

Susan Kuhl

rasandbarn@aol.com

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Thank you. I have written a piece long ago about life as a paid caregiver. If you would ever be interested, I could email it to you I think. It was written while I was sitting with a dying patient.

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Susan I would love to have a copy and to include it as part the catalyst for future articles in the future.

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I love "Take care of myself first". Resonates a lot with me.

I have lately written about it, making sure "You've got your own oxygen mask first", before anything else. While remembering that you might lose it on the way, and need to find ways to put it back on (yoga, rest, therapy, meditation).

https://livmkk.substack.com/p/youve-got-the-oxygen-mask

Thanks for sharing!

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Exactly regarding the oxygen mask! I love that - finding ways to put it back on or fill it.

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To fill it! Right :) that’s nicely put!

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I went through the same thing with my dad. He refused to move to a board & care facility when he really needed it. When we had to go to around-the-clock caregiving, finances got squeezed, and so we had to make the difficult decision to move him, but by then he was a shell of his former self. It’s so emotionally draining and hard.

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Hi Kevin, That sounds like Dan - he refused to believe he had a problem, had a tantrum when he had to go to the doctor, wouldn't allow in-home care, and would never have agreed to going to a facility. So, we had to make the plans around him - by the time he was placed in the memory care facility - he barely knew the difference. Those are horrible decisions to have to make.

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