Grumpy Old Woman Syndrome” isn’t a medical condition, but a term for older women who are frequently angry, irritable, and resentful. I’d never heard of it before.
I am 71 and resentful/cranky that technology change has left me in the dust. I don’t trust self-check out, I can’t figure out what my phone features are supposed to do, i can’t get a printer to print, and i sure can’t set up a security “system” or a subscriber tv service or navigate the entanglement of passwords. Enough with the systems already—I just want to turn it on or press a button and have it work Ike before, whatever that “it” may be.
Lisa, I'm with you all the way. Technology is a big source of frustration - tablet, computer, smartphone, passwords, AI, and everything seems to be changing daily.
Hi Janice. Although I consider myself to be fairly tech savvy, I’m also starting to experience levels and periods of overwhelm and overload with all the changes. I’m taking a closer look because I am moving toward “some“ disconnection from technology that I have been involved with for over 40 years. What is crossing my mind is an idea of creating a type of “collective or group“ and helping each other take a closer look at exactly what do I want/need to be doing with the technology I have at my fingertips. I suppose it might be like setting some priorities? For example, I doubt that I would give up my iPhone because it really is a way to access information and connect with people I care about. However, I do have an option to not sit with that phone in my face 10 hours a day. I do have an option to turn off notifications . In fact, I have many options… SERIOUSLY, DO I REALLY NEED AN IMAC AND A PC WITH THREE MONITORS AND TWO LAPTOPS AND TWO IPADS AND AN IPHONE 🤭
I stopped watching mainstream media a number of years ago and have taken a big step backward from social media. But, suddenly, as I am adding this comment to your post I realize I would need to go and sit in a bit of stillness and quiet and give deeper thought to: “What do I really need”? “What do I consider critical to my day-to-day life”? “Is there way of simplifying my own technological footprint”?
I truly appreciate that we are in a world of incredible changes which include bigger/better/faster of most everything. Might this be a new opportunity? If we were able to find one person with a fairly strong level of tech savvy, and who might be willing to extend a helping hand, could five or six of us create a group and brainstorm how and what to prioritize in our day to day experience?
Thanks for the opportunity to jump into the mix. At this moment, I’m really just throwing ideas out to the universe. LOL
Hi Marilyn, thanks for throwing out the ideas. I have an iMac, iPad, and iPhone, and even that is overwhelming. I'm using the iPhone less and less because it and my fingers don't get along, and relying more on the other two devices, which are easier to manage.
Woke me up! I’ve been noticing an overall negative position on my part over the past couple of years. I had no idea it came from aging and the dynamics there of. Of course I take responsibility for my attitude. It’s like a snobbishness. Maybe I can start by not being overtly critical of the local news woman’s outfit. : )
Opening up your heart & mind to us here is a great way to share the frustrations of older age issues. Always appreciate your words & thoughts! You are an AMAZING human Janice... and grumpy is an ugly word! Let's ditch it!
Acknowledgement is powerful. You don't have to change the feeling. You don't even have to accept it. But acknowledging an emotion and what might have caused it is enough. Some things like grief can't be fixed. It just "is". Acknowledging that pain is being kind and loving to yourself
Losing your Dan and my Carl... I believe the loss is the root cause of anger, resentment, frustration, loss, and overwhelming sadness. If I hear one more person say to me "it'll get better" I may unleash a fury never exhibited before. They "don't know" - nobody knows until the loss is experienced. And every single one of us is different but one thing for certain: the pain and loss are real, time, space, and closeness. I can comprehend the time and space, but the neurological attachment I can't - and I simply do not have a solution for it. I suppose I will have to live out the rest of my life with a hole that will never fill. I will never accept it, the question is. will I ever adjust to it? Good post, Janice. You nail this grief stuff with a PhD understanding and sharing.
Hi Patti, Yes, I think so regarding the loss of that most special person in our lives. My experience after five years is that it hasn't gotten all that much better - the hole of which you speak remains. Maybe, if I were younger, maybe if I found someone else - but I'm not, and I don't care to. On a practical level, I'm forced to adjust, and I suspect you are too or will in time. I manage the house and our affairs, which are now solely mine. I went to a birthday party last night and had fun, and at the same time, someone very important was missing. That doesn't change.
I’m grateful that I found your newsletter. It’s weekly, therefore not overwhelming, so I look forward to each posting. Every one has struck a chord with me. Thank you.
Thank you for addressing this. I sometimes worry that by being part of the ‘positive ageing movement’, we increase the pressure on older women to be ‘living their best lives’ constantly. Exciting camper van trips, wearing flamboyant clothes, writing that novel. It’s good to recognise the difficulties and know that it’s ok to feel pissed off too xxx
Hi Justine, I used to be part of the positive aging movement, and it's all well and good to a point, but I'm finding there's also a downside to aging. My mind has all these bright ideas, and increasingly, my body says, "Think again." So there's probably a balance that needs to be struck somehow, and, as you say, it's okay to be pissed off.
I agree about positive aging being potentially daunting and another stick to beat ourselves with. I’m a pretty positive, pretty active 71 year old but find I am beginning to get a little tired Ed, a little more prone to not jump without looking b and thinking first. I don’t want to hate myself for this or feel like I’m failing in some way. I want to try and find a way to make it a positive choice not a negative nail in the literal coffin. But I’m embracing the grumpiness! Enough of being Mrs Nice Guy - everyone can see I’m getting g older and if they want to say ‘grumpy old woman’ when I tell them what I think, then so be it. On that note I’m off to tell the neighbours’ builders to turn their damned music down
Hi Jennifer, Maybe that's the secret - making it a positive choice, not a negative nail. I'll have to try that on for size. I must confess to laughing out loud when I read the final sentence of your post.
When I went thru losing my husband, I went through so many emotions. I still grieve and tears still flood my eyes sometimes. It’s so hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. I wasn’t so grumpy though. I through myself into landscaping the backyard. Digging new flower beds, carrying rocks to edge the flowerbeds. I took care of feral cat colonies that my husband and I use to do together along with taking care of my own pets that I consider family. I was only 70 then and these kind of activities were easier then than now. I still enjoy gardening but on a much smaller scale.
I’ve learned that nothing is forever except death on this earth. I am a religious woman and believe in life after death. I believe we will see each other again.
I have moved on and I have a new partner that lost his wife. We tell each other stories about them and this helps. We have each other and keep moving forward. We make each other laugh.
We both have our strengths and weaknesses and we help each other. We complement one another.
I cherish each day that I have on this earth and try to live my best life.
Hi Connie, Thank you for sharing your story. So true about it being hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it - especially after being married for a long time.
In my 30s I called this behavior in elders “chronic malcontent”. They were not happy unless they were unhappy.
The anger gave them energy and motivation.
(And not always in a good way)
Now seeing that pattern in myself as a caregiver when I relished being retired and “free” to have time for me, dissolved like the Wicked Witch in OZ and I am frequently disarmed by my anger.
Good friends, art, music and being able to go down an internet “rabbit hole” to learn about anything I want has kept me “sane”.
Striving to be a life long learner! As well as donating time to others!
Hi Geri, That has been the case for me as well, "disarmed by my anger." I've been shocked. Art, music, the newsletter, and being a lifelong learner keep me sane.
I was happy and fine until Trump got elected. Now its day after day of anger from his shitshow. Once hes gone I will settle down and start enjoying my retirement. Hopefully I'll live that long. 😞
When I'm in pain I'm a lump of impatience. I do have an understanding, supportive hubby who sets me straight and will listen. I can't imagine living without him, my best friend, my pillar and family tech. That said, since becoming an empty nester and experiencing awful depression I realized my entire identity was wrapped up as a mother. Now I am cautious and careful not to do the same with hubby. I love my alone time but appreciate seeing hubby after. Sending you hugs.
Hi CK, I think that's a huge part of it - my identity was tied to work and family. The kids are grown and have their own lives - my role is less, my husband isn't here, and my career got lost along the way. Like you, I appreciate the alone time. I'm blessed to have the family support I have, and yet I am lonely for what was.
Grumpy Old Woman Syndrome” isn’t a medical condition, but a term for older women who are frequently angry, irritable, and resentful. I’d never heard of it before.
I am 71 and resentful/cranky that technology change has left me in the dust. I don’t trust self-check out, I can’t figure out what my phone features are supposed to do, i can’t get a printer to print, and i sure can’t set up a security “system” or a subscriber tv service or navigate the entanglement of passwords. Enough with the systems already—I just want to turn it on or press a button and have it work Ike before, whatever that “it” may be.
Lisa, I'm with you all the way. Technology is a big source of frustration - tablet, computer, smartphone, passwords, AI, and everything seems to be changing daily.
Feel the same too often, although I am fairly tech savvy.
Hi Lynn, I wish that I could say the same. Tech provides one irritation after another for me - mainly because it's changing so fast.
Hi Janice. Although I consider myself to be fairly tech savvy, I’m also starting to experience levels and periods of overwhelm and overload with all the changes. I’m taking a closer look because I am moving toward “some“ disconnection from technology that I have been involved with for over 40 years. What is crossing my mind is an idea of creating a type of “collective or group“ and helping each other take a closer look at exactly what do I want/need to be doing with the technology I have at my fingertips. I suppose it might be like setting some priorities? For example, I doubt that I would give up my iPhone because it really is a way to access information and connect with people I care about. However, I do have an option to not sit with that phone in my face 10 hours a day. I do have an option to turn off notifications . In fact, I have many options… SERIOUSLY, DO I REALLY NEED AN IMAC AND A PC WITH THREE MONITORS AND TWO LAPTOPS AND TWO IPADS AND AN IPHONE 🤭
I stopped watching mainstream media a number of years ago and have taken a big step backward from social media. But, suddenly, as I am adding this comment to your post I realize I would need to go and sit in a bit of stillness and quiet and give deeper thought to: “What do I really need”? “What do I consider critical to my day-to-day life”? “Is there way of simplifying my own technological footprint”?
I truly appreciate that we are in a world of incredible changes which include bigger/better/faster of most everything. Might this be a new opportunity? If we were able to find one person with a fairly strong level of tech savvy, and who might be willing to extend a helping hand, could five or six of us create a group and brainstorm how and what to prioritize in our day to day experience?
Thanks for the opportunity to jump into the mix. At this moment, I’m really just throwing ideas out to the universe. LOL
Hi Marilyn, thanks for throwing out the ideas. I have an iMac, iPad, and iPhone, and even that is overwhelming. I'm using the iPhone less and less because it and my fingers don't get along, and relying more on the other two devices, which are easier to manage.
Woke me up! I’ve been noticing an overall negative position on my part over the past couple of years. I had no idea it came from aging and the dynamics there of. Of course I take responsibility for my attitude. It’s like a snobbishness. Maybe I can start by not being overtly critical of the local news woman’s outfit. : )
Hi Judi, that sounds like a good start.
Opening up your heart & mind to us here is a great way to share the frustrations of older age issues. Always appreciate your words & thoughts! You are an AMAZING human Janice... and grumpy is an ugly word! Let's ditch it!
Hi Denyse, I had to laugh - let's do just that - ditch it!
No they do not. Age merely allows us to express what we feel more. We can also feel humorous, content, and grateful.
Helpful thank u
I offer this:
https://substack.com/@martysimon/p-181915346
Not for everyone…
Acknowledgement is powerful. You don't have to change the feeling. You don't even have to accept it. But acknowledging an emotion and what might have caused it is enough. Some things like grief can't be fixed. It just "is". Acknowledging that pain is being kind and loving to yourself
Hi Cali, So very true! Figuring that out was indeed valuable and is allowing me to be kinder to myself.
Losing your Dan and my Carl... I believe the loss is the root cause of anger, resentment, frustration, loss, and overwhelming sadness. If I hear one more person say to me "it'll get better" I may unleash a fury never exhibited before. They "don't know" - nobody knows until the loss is experienced. And every single one of us is different but one thing for certain: the pain and loss are real, time, space, and closeness. I can comprehend the time and space, but the neurological attachment I can't - and I simply do not have a solution for it. I suppose I will have to live out the rest of my life with a hole that will never fill. I will never accept it, the question is. will I ever adjust to it? Good post, Janice. You nail this grief stuff with a PhD understanding and sharing.
Hi Patti, Yes, I think so regarding the loss of that most special person in our lives. My experience after five years is that it hasn't gotten all that much better - the hole of which you speak remains. Maybe, if I were younger, maybe if I found someone else - but I'm not, and I don't care to. On a practical level, I'm forced to adjust, and I suspect you are too or will in time. I manage the house and our affairs, which are now solely mine. I went to a birthday party last night and had fun, and at the same time, someone very important was missing. That doesn't change.
I’m grateful that I found your newsletter. It’s weekly, therefore not overwhelming, so I look forward to each posting. Every one has struck a chord with me. Thank you.
Hi Ay, that is so nice to hear. Is there anything particular you would like to read about?
Thank you for addressing this. I sometimes worry that by being part of the ‘positive ageing movement’, we increase the pressure on older women to be ‘living their best lives’ constantly. Exciting camper van trips, wearing flamboyant clothes, writing that novel. It’s good to recognise the difficulties and know that it’s ok to feel pissed off too xxx
Hi Justine, I used to be part of the positive aging movement, and it's all well and good to a point, but I'm finding there's also a downside to aging. My mind has all these bright ideas, and increasingly, my body says, "Think again." So there's probably a balance that needs to be struck somehow, and, as you say, it's okay to be pissed off.
I agree about positive aging being potentially daunting and another stick to beat ourselves with. I’m a pretty positive, pretty active 71 year old but find I am beginning to get a little tired Ed, a little more prone to not jump without looking b and thinking first. I don’t want to hate myself for this or feel like I’m failing in some way. I want to try and find a way to make it a positive choice not a negative nail in the literal coffin. But I’m embracing the grumpiness! Enough of being Mrs Nice Guy - everyone can see I’m getting g older and if they want to say ‘grumpy old woman’ when I tell them what I think, then so be it. On that note I’m off to tell the neighbours’ builders to turn their damned music down
Hi Jennifer, Maybe that's the secret - making it a positive choice, not a negative nail. I'll have to try that on for size. I must confess to laughing out loud when I read the final sentence of your post.
When I went thru losing my husband, I went through so many emotions. I still grieve and tears still flood my eyes sometimes. It’s so hard to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. I wasn’t so grumpy though. I through myself into landscaping the backyard. Digging new flower beds, carrying rocks to edge the flowerbeds. I took care of feral cat colonies that my husband and I use to do together along with taking care of my own pets that I consider family. I was only 70 then and these kind of activities were easier then than now. I still enjoy gardening but on a much smaller scale.
I’ve learned that nothing is forever except death on this earth. I am a religious woman and believe in life after death. I believe we will see each other again.
I have moved on and I have a new partner that lost his wife. We tell each other stories about them and this helps. We have each other and keep moving forward. We make each other laugh.
We both have our strengths and weaknesses and we help each other. We complement one another.
I cherish each day that I have on this earth and try to live my best life.
Hi Connie, Thank you for sharing your story. So true about it being hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it - especially after being married for a long time.
We were together for 42 years. Raised four daughters together and we were best friends.
I’m 76 now and you adapt.
Thank you for your insights!
76 here and I can certainly relate!
In my 30s I called this behavior in elders “chronic malcontent”. They were not happy unless they were unhappy.
The anger gave them energy and motivation.
(And not always in a good way)
Now seeing that pattern in myself as a caregiver when I relished being retired and “free” to have time for me, dissolved like the Wicked Witch in OZ and I am frequently disarmed by my anger.
Good friends, art, music and being able to go down an internet “rabbit hole” to learn about anything I want has kept me “sane”.
Striving to be a life long learner! As well as donating time to others!
Hi Geri, That has been the case for me as well, "disarmed by my anger." I've been shocked. Art, music, the newsletter, and being a lifelong learner keep me sane.
I was happy and fine until Trump got elected. Now its day after day of anger from his shitshow. Once hes gone I will settle down and start enjoying my retirement. Hopefully I'll live that long. 😞
Hi there, I understand completely, and yet I wouldn't want him to ruin either of our retirements.
When I'm in pain I'm a lump of impatience. I do have an understanding, supportive hubby who sets me straight and will listen. I can't imagine living without him, my best friend, my pillar and family tech. That said, since becoming an empty nester and experiencing awful depression I realized my entire identity was wrapped up as a mother. Now I am cautious and careful not to do the same with hubby. I love my alone time but appreciate seeing hubby after. Sending you hugs.
Hi CK, I think that's a huge part of it - my identity was tied to work and family. The kids are grown and have their own lives - my role is less, my husband isn't here, and my career got lost along the way. Like you, I appreciate the alone time. I'm blessed to have the family support I have, and yet I am lonely for what was.
🙏🏻🙏🏻💐