Grumpy Old Woman Syndrome” isn’t a medical condition, but a term for older women who are frequently angry, irritable, and resentful. I’d never heard of it before.
I am 71 and resentful/cranky that technology change has left me in the dust. I don’t trust self-check out, I can’t figure out what my phone features are supposed to do, i can’t get a printer to print, and i sure can’t set up a security “system” or a subscriber tv service or navigate the entanglement of passwords. Enough with the systems already—I just want to turn it on or press a button and have it work Ike before, whatever that “it” may be.
Lisa, I'm with you all the way. Technology is a big source of frustration - tablet, computer, smartphone, passwords, AI, and everything seems to be changing daily.
Woke me up! I’ve been noticing an overall negative position on my part over the past couple of years. I had no idea it came from aging and the dynamics there of. Of course I take responsibility for my attitude. It’s like a snobbishness. Maybe I can start by not being overtly critical of the local news woman’s outfit. : )
Acknowledgement is powerful. You don't have to change the feeling. You don't even have to accept it. But acknowledging an emotion and what might have caused it is enough. Some things like grief can't be fixed. It just "is". Acknowledging that pain is being kind and loving to yourself
Opening up your heart & mind to us here is a great way to share the frustrations of older age issues. Always appreciate your words & thoughts! You are an AMAZING human Janice... and grumpy is an ugly word! Let's ditch it!
Losing your Dan and my Carl... I believe the loss is the root cause of anger, resentment, frustration, loss, and overwhelming sadness. If I hear one more person say to me "it'll get better" I may unleash a fury never exhibited before. They "don't know" - nobody knows until the loss is experienced. And every single one of us is different but one thing for certain: the pain and loss are real, time, space, and closeness. I can comprehend the time and space, but the neurological attachment I can't - and I simply do not have a solution for it. I suppose I will have to live out the rest of my life with a hole that will never fill. I will never accept it, the question is. will I ever adjust to it? Good post, Janice. You nail this grief stuff with a PhD understanding and sharing.
Hi Patti, Yes, I think so regarding the loss of that most special person in our lives. My experience after five years is that it hasn't gotten all that much better - the hole of which you speak remains. Maybe, if I were younger, maybe if I found someone else - but I'm not, and I don't care to. On a practical level, I'm forced to adjust, and I suspect you are too or will in time. I manage the house and our affairs, which are now solely mine. I went to a birthday party last night and had fun, and at the same time, someone very important was missing. That doesn't change.
Thank you for addressing this. I sometimes worry that by being part of the ‘positive ageing movement’, we increase the pressure on older women to be ‘living their best lives’ constantly. Exciting camper van trips, wearing flamboyant clothes, writing that novel. It’s good to recognise the difficulties and know that it’s ok to feel pissed off too xxx
Hi Justine, I used to be part of the positive aging movement, and it's all well and good to a point, but I'm finding there's also a downside to aging. My mind has all these bright ideas, and increasingly, my body says, "Think again." So there's probably a balance that needs to be struck somehow, and, as you say, it's okay to be pissed off.
I’m grateful that I found your newsletter. It’s weekly, therefore not overwhelming, so I look forward to each posting. Every one has struck a chord with me. Thank you.
When I'm in pain I'm a lump of impatience. I do have an understanding, supportive hubby who sets me straight and will listen. I can't imagine living without him, my best friend, my pillar and family tech. That said, since becoming an empty nester and experiencing awful depression I realized my entire identity was wrapped up as a mother. Now I am cautious and careful not to do the same with hubby. I love my alone time but appreciate seeing hubby after. Sending you hugs.
Hi CK, I think that's a huge part of it - my identity was tied to work and family. The kids are grown and have their own lives - my role is less, my husband isn't here, and my career got lost along the way. Like you, I appreciate the alone time. I'm blessed to have the family support I have, and yet I am lonely for what was.
As I read this I kept thinking about 96-year-old June Squibb’s new movie, “Eleanor the Great.” She struggles with grief after losing her best friend. She experiences with grumpy feelings, too. Without giving too much away, it’s incredibly heartwarming with a touch of humor to balance our emotions. A young journalism student, who had recently loss her mom, tries to capture what Squibb’s character is going through for a writing class. Thanks for sharing Janice.
Hi Janice ~. surprisingly, I am less grumpy as I edge toward 80. I seem more content and tolerant, accepting for some reason. Happy. Perhaps anything seems more peaceful after teaching teenagers for nearly 40 years. Ha! Just kidding. I do have one thing that drives me crazy now that I'm older - my husband's chewing. Somewhere, somehow, sometime I developed what they call "misophonia." I usually tell my husband, "It's just another adventure" when Life gets cockeyed. I'm going to have to try something like that when he's crunching. "It's just another tune," right? Ha!
Hi Deb, I absolutely agree with you that men can experience these feelings. The term was meant to bring the topic to light and make readers aware of the possibility. In fact, now that you mention it, there was a 1993 movie "Grumpy Old Men" with Ann-Margret, Walter Matthau, and Jack Lemmon. Thanks for reminding me.
"I was never an angry person, and have been surprised by the absolute fury that has erupted over the past few years." I sure identify with that opening line, Janice. I have rarely expressed anger in my life ( do I bury it or do I just not have it?) But I have to say I am shocked at the kind of angry language that comes out of my mouth now, due to chronic pain and grief. Words I didn't even know I knew! Fortunately I am able to rein it in when I am in company. My friends and family do get the brunt of my cynicism, but I try to curb that as well. Cursing is unseemly, but somehow satisfying...
Hi Sharron, I, too, rarely expressed anger in my life; I can count on one hand the number of times I exploded. That's a good question, bury or not have it - I'd say not have it, but maybe that's burying my head in the sand. Mainly, I keep it in-house and my cats bear the brunt of my rant, but afterward, I do take the time to explain to them that it's not their fault -it's only me being angry at life and me.
Grumpy Old Woman Syndrome” isn’t a medical condition, but a term for older women who are frequently angry, irritable, and resentful. I’d never heard of it before.
I am 71 and resentful/cranky that technology change has left me in the dust. I don’t trust self-check out, I can’t figure out what my phone features are supposed to do, i can’t get a printer to print, and i sure can’t set up a security “system” or a subscriber tv service or navigate the entanglement of passwords. Enough with the systems already—I just want to turn it on or press a button and have it work Ike before, whatever that “it” may be.
Lisa, I'm with you all the way. Technology is a big source of frustration - tablet, computer, smartphone, passwords, AI, and everything seems to be changing daily.
Feel the same too often, although I am fairly tech savvy.
Hi Lynn, I wish that I could say the same. Tech provides one irritation after another for me - mainly because it's changing so fast.
Woke me up! I’ve been noticing an overall negative position on my part over the past couple of years. I had no idea it came from aging and the dynamics there of. Of course I take responsibility for my attitude. It’s like a snobbishness. Maybe I can start by not being overtly critical of the local news woman’s outfit. : )
Hi Judi, that sounds like a good start.
I offer this:
https://substack.com/@martysimon/p-181915346
Not for everyone…
Acknowledgement is powerful. You don't have to change the feeling. You don't even have to accept it. But acknowledging an emotion and what might have caused it is enough. Some things like grief can't be fixed. It just "is". Acknowledging that pain is being kind and loving to yourself
Hi Cali, So very true! Figuring that out was indeed valuable and is allowing me to be kinder to myself.
Opening up your heart & mind to us here is a great way to share the frustrations of older age issues. Always appreciate your words & thoughts! You are an AMAZING human Janice... and grumpy is an ugly word! Let's ditch it!
Hi Denyse, I had to laugh - let's do just that - ditch it!
Losing your Dan and my Carl... I believe the loss is the root cause of anger, resentment, frustration, loss, and overwhelming sadness. If I hear one more person say to me "it'll get better" I may unleash a fury never exhibited before. They "don't know" - nobody knows until the loss is experienced. And every single one of us is different but one thing for certain: the pain and loss are real, time, space, and closeness. I can comprehend the time and space, but the neurological attachment I can't - and I simply do not have a solution for it. I suppose I will have to live out the rest of my life with a hole that will never fill. I will never accept it, the question is. will I ever adjust to it? Good post, Janice. You nail this grief stuff with a PhD understanding and sharing.
Hi Patti, Yes, I think so regarding the loss of that most special person in our lives. My experience after five years is that it hasn't gotten all that much better - the hole of which you speak remains. Maybe, if I were younger, maybe if I found someone else - but I'm not, and I don't care to. On a practical level, I'm forced to adjust, and I suspect you are too or will in time. I manage the house and our affairs, which are now solely mine. I went to a birthday party last night and had fun, and at the same time, someone very important was missing. That doesn't change.
Thank you for addressing this. I sometimes worry that by being part of the ‘positive ageing movement’, we increase the pressure on older women to be ‘living their best lives’ constantly. Exciting camper van trips, wearing flamboyant clothes, writing that novel. It’s good to recognise the difficulties and know that it’s ok to feel pissed off too xxx
Hi Justine, I used to be part of the positive aging movement, and it's all well and good to a point, but I'm finding there's also a downside to aging. My mind has all these bright ideas, and increasingly, my body says, "Think again." So there's probably a balance that needs to be struck somehow, and, as you say, it's okay to be pissed off.
I’m grateful that I found your newsletter. It’s weekly, therefore not overwhelming, so I look forward to each posting. Every one has struck a chord with me. Thank you.
Hi Ay, that is so nice to hear. Is there anything particular you would like to read about?
When I'm in pain I'm a lump of impatience. I do have an understanding, supportive hubby who sets me straight and will listen. I can't imagine living without him, my best friend, my pillar and family tech. That said, since becoming an empty nester and experiencing awful depression I realized my entire identity was wrapped up as a mother. Now I am cautious and careful not to do the same with hubby. I love my alone time but appreciate seeing hubby after. Sending you hugs.
Hi CK, I think that's a huge part of it - my identity was tied to work and family. The kids are grown and have their own lives - my role is less, my husband isn't here, and my career got lost along the way. Like you, I appreciate the alone time. I'm blessed to have the family support I have, and yet I am lonely for what was.
You may want to check out my substack with a very different outlook on aging: https://damiroelse.substack.com/p/the-happiness-that-comes-with-aging?r=2fj3n5&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Hi Dami, Thank you for sharing this article. It adds another side to the story for sure.
As I read this I kept thinking about 96-year-old June Squibb’s new movie, “Eleanor the Great.” She struggles with grief after losing her best friend. She experiences with grumpy feelings, too. Without giving too much away, it’s incredibly heartwarming with a touch of humor to balance our emotions. A young journalism student, who had recently loss her mom, tries to capture what Squibb’s character is going through for a writing class. Thanks for sharing Janice.
Hi Kevin, that sounds like a wonderful movie. Thanks for letting us know about it.
Hi Janice ~. surprisingly, I am less grumpy as I edge toward 80. I seem more content and tolerant, accepting for some reason. Happy. Perhaps anything seems more peaceful after teaching teenagers for nearly 40 years. Ha! Just kidding. I do have one thing that drives me crazy now that I'm older - my husband's chewing. Somewhere, somehow, sometime I developed what they call "misophonia." I usually tell my husband, "It's just another adventure" when Life gets cockeyed. I'm going to have to try something like that when he's crunching. "It's just another tune," right? Ha!
Hi Jan, There ya go - reframing is everything. Perfect!
I think men go thru this too….was there a reason you focused only on women?
Hi Deb, I absolutely agree with you that men can experience these feelings. The term was meant to bring the topic to light and make readers aware of the possibility. In fact, now that you mention it, there was a 1993 movie "Grumpy Old Men" with Ann-Margret, Walter Matthau, and Jack Lemmon. Thanks for reminding me.
"I was never an angry person, and have been surprised by the absolute fury that has erupted over the past few years." I sure identify with that opening line, Janice. I have rarely expressed anger in my life ( do I bury it or do I just not have it?) But I have to say I am shocked at the kind of angry language that comes out of my mouth now, due to chronic pain and grief. Words I didn't even know I knew! Fortunately I am able to rein it in when I am in company. My friends and family do get the brunt of my cynicism, but I try to curb that as well. Cursing is unseemly, but somehow satisfying...
Hi Sharron, I, too, rarely expressed anger in my life; I can count on one hand the number of times I exploded. That's a good question, bury or not have it - I'd say not have it, but maybe that's burying my head in the sand. Mainly, I keep it in-house and my cats bear the brunt of my rant, but afterward, I do take the time to explain to them that it's not their fault -it's only me being angry at life and me.
ha ha ha, yes!