Are False Beliefs Leading You Astray?

Rethinking Assumptions

Photo by Caz Hayek on Unsplash

Throughout our marriage, Dan and I assumed we’d age well together, and we did for a long time. We talked about what–ifs once in a while; our solution was to focus on staying healthy. Neither of us considered that he would develop dementia and die of COVID at 82, and I would live the rest of my life by myself.

Based on those assumptions—something we wanted to believe but couldn’t prove—we made choices throughout life and honestly thought we'd covered the bases.

We exercised, worked after retirement, updated our wills and powers of attorney, and saved for retirement, but we didn’t plan for many “what ifs,” such as: What if one of us had to be in a care facility? How would we pay for that? What would the other person do? Would we live with our children if we couldn’t manage by ourselves? Would we be better off living in a retirement community? We didn’t discuss those questions; we should have.

I assumed that the memory care facility would honor my wishes - they said they would - and take care of Dan as if he were at home. It didn’t happen, and in retrospect, I was naive to think they would. It was an institution with rules and procedures, after all.

The Make Pure Thy Heart website offered words of wisdom recently. The author said

Your assumptions are your windows to the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in.

Scrubbing off assumptions and being prepared for dramatic changes if and when they occur seems wise.

Today, I’d take steps to substantiate my assumptions rather than jumping to conclusions and relying on the words and opinions of others. That would mean

• Assuming that claims are to be proven or disproven

• Using critical thinking skills to differentiate between beliefs and facts

• Considering the risks I’d encounter if my assumptions were wrong

This video taught me some tricks. You might enjoy it.

I’d have been better prepared and more confident had I taken the time to check my assumptions rather than jumping to conclusions and believing what experts told me. Not that things would have changed, but I would have had a clearer picture of what to expect and made more-informed choices.

Experience tells me that scrubbing off my assumptions occasionally and testing their validity might be critical for those who wish to age well.

P. S. I’d love to have you share the Aging Well Newsletter with others. I want to bring the lessons I’ve learned through my years of life and caregiving to as many people as possible. More than anything, I want to continue to expand our community of readers.

So please forward this email to a friend and invite them to join us. They can subscribe here:

Thank you for being part of the Aging Well community.

If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimer's Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.