My wife and I moved into a senior living facility with a personal care unit (but not “nursing” care) and a memory care unit.
We were there for four and a half years. When my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we got a taste of what their personal care and memory care was like. It was disturbing how control of patients and convenience of staff were a much larger priority than proper attention and the health care of the residents.
Before things got too much worse, we moved out of that facility into a regular city apartment. Although her health later required home hospice care, that level of care proved to be restorative (physically at least) and she started to gain weight and looked healthier.
The fact that she is got better care at home (with me as primary care provider) is a sad testament to what “care” facilities are doing. She turned 88 nearly two weeks ago and is in much more stable physical condition than when we first left the facility three years ago.
We tried to prepare for the ravages of old age but we ended up wasting a lot of time (and financial resources).
Wise words about assumptions. In my experience helping families like yours make the move to a senior care community, the pre-move in promises made are kept by the very best staff, maybe 10 or 20 percent. As staff turns over, care standards can shift.
Also, you are so right to advise people to talk about all the different scenarios BEFORE they happen. Once the situation is upon you, it’s much more difficult to have all options available. For example, if one person needs more care than the other, do you live apart? Like one person in Assisted Living or one person at home? Or would the healthier half of the couple be okay with living in an Assisted Living apartment?
Another scenario that I saw all the time was an urgent and unexpected one: A fall happens and there’s a stay in a rehab facility. Going back to the same old multi-level & cluttered home just isn’t going to work. The family is left in a bad situation- insurance won’t pay for any more rehab days but there’s no safe place for their loved one to go. (Pro tip: make your living space safe and accessible before you NEED to!)
It's a full time job (and then some) to research all the options for dementia care -- in home, facilities that combine independent/assisted/memory care, ones that are separate, the costs for all the various places. Considering moving to a place away from family and friends that is more affordable, etc.
I did hundreds of hours of research on such places for my aunt who is now in memory care, both in southern Calfornia and northern. And in a year, a lot of the info I got from the staff and from talking to residents, will be outdated.
What sort of care did the memory care facility not offer your husband? I ask because I want to be prepared or informed for what may occur when my aunt worsens. I assume hiring a nurse beyond what a staff nurse (who has to manage dozens of residents) can do is something to be aware of. And then there is all the medicare crap, which seriously changes year to year and is like going to law school to comprehend. It's exasperating, but I see how it's educating me on how to advocate for myself and others.
Hi Steve, In answering your questions, I want to premise my answer by saying his stay was during the pandemic and I had unrealistic expectations. I wanted them to treat him as if he were home - do puzzles with him, not let him say no, get him out, let us talk daily because I was his touchstone if only via facetime, and keep me updated on his condition. He got COVID and they sent him to the hospital by himself and didn't let me know. As it turned out, Hospice was a better resource than the facility. I honestly think they did a pretty good job with him - it was more that my needs as the caregiver were not met.
I just had a therapy session that told me to reassess my assumptions. You two must be on the same wavelength. I am in California, and you two both live here, after all. :)
Experience tells me that scrubbing off my assumptions occasionally and testing their validity might be critical for those of us who wish to age well.
Wise! Thanks for this!
Important advice. It's easier to make a will and discuss death than it is to plan out the possibility of dementia.
So very true!
Janice, is that Lake Bled?
My wife and I moved into a senior living facility with a personal care unit (but not “nursing” care) and a memory care unit.
We were there for four and a half years. When my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, we got a taste of what their personal care and memory care was like. It was disturbing how control of patients and convenience of staff were a much larger priority than proper attention and the health care of the residents.
Before things got too much worse, we moved out of that facility into a regular city apartment. Although her health later required home hospice care, that level of care proved to be restorative (physically at least) and she started to gain weight and looked healthier.
The fact that she is got better care at home (with me as primary care provider) is a sad testament to what “care” facilities are doing. She turned 88 nearly two weeks ago and is in much more stable physical condition than when we first left the facility three years ago.
We tried to prepare for the ravages of old age but we ended up wasting a lot of time (and financial resources).
Wise words about assumptions. In my experience helping families like yours make the move to a senior care community, the pre-move in promises made are kept by the very best staff, maybe 10 or 20 percent. As staff turns over, care standards can shift.
Also, you are so right to advise people to talk about all the different scenarios BEFORE they happen. Once the situation is upon you, it’s much more difficult to have all options available. For example, if one person needs more care than the other, do you live apart? Like one person in Assisted Living or one person at home? Or would the healthier half of the couple be okay with living in an Assisted Living apartment?
Another scenario that I saw all the time was an urgent and unexpected one: A fall happens and there’s a stay in a rehab facility. Going back to the same old multi-level & cluttered home just isn’t going to work. The family is left in a bad situation- insurance won’t pay for any more rehab days but there’s no safe place for their loved one to go. (Pro tip: make your living space safe and accessible before you NEED to!)
Hi Anne, you offer wise suggestions. That's one I hadn't thought of making your living space safe and accessible just in case.
It's a full time job (and then some) to research all the options for dementia care -- in home, facilities that combine independent/assisted/memory care, ones that are separate, the costs for all the various places. Considering moving to a place away from family and friends that is more affordable, etc.
I did hundreds of hours of research on such places for my aunt who is now in memory care, both in southern Calfornia and northern. And in a year, a lot of the info I got from the staff and from talking to residents, will be outdated.
What sort of care did the memory care facility not offer your husband? I ask because I want to be prepared or informed for what may occur when my aunt worsens. I assume hiring a nurse beyond what a staff nurse (who has to manage dozens of residents) can do is something to be aware of. And then there is all the medicare crap, which seriously changes year to year and is like going to law school to comprehend. It's exasperating, but I see how it's educating me on how to advocate for myself and others.
Hi Steve, In answering your questions, I want to premise my answer by saying his stay was during the pandemic and I had unrealistic expectations. I wanted them to treat him as if he were home - do puzzles with him, not let him say no, get him out, let us talk daily because I was his touchstone if only via facetime, and keep me updated on his condition. He got COVID and they sent him to the hospital by himself and didn't let me know. As it turned out, Hospice was a better resource than the facility. I honestly think they did a pretty good job with him - it was more that my needs as the caregiver were not met.
I just had a therapy session that told me to reassess my assumptions. You two must be on the same wavelength. I am in California, and you two both live here, after all. :)
Funny how that goes!!!