The children's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, pretty much describes how I felt earlier this year. Nothing major happened, just a series of annoying events. I resolved the issues, but I was less effective at managing my emotions.
I had a therapist who helped me with my long covid. She specialised in re-balancing the autonomous nervous system. Through my work with her I've got much better at just observing what's going on with me rather than getting stuck in it and panicing. Over time, the horribleness of stuff going on in my body has reduced :)
Your paragraph on the series of annoying events, made me laugh. Sorry, but it was so similar to weeks I myself often have. One thing right after another. I always think of Gilda Radner, a comedian who died of cancer in 1989 of ovarian cancer. Her way of facing anxiety while she was ill, was through laughter. She wrote a book in her last months and titled it, "It's always something!" A classic understatement if I ever heard one.
Hi Janice - you just appeared on my cellphone and I suspect a friend sent your post to me - I’m grateful she did as I suspect your wisdom will be helpful to me. I am totally alone and battling Alzheimer’s and need all the help I can get. I’ll be looking forward to your comments. Judith in UT
Hi Judith, Thank you so much for your note. Did you get a chance to subscribe to the free newsletter? There are over 300 articles, some of which might provide resources and ideas for you as you travel this very challenging path. They are about my journey as I cared for my husband, as he struggled with Alzheimer's. Are you acquainted with online groups and resources to tap into?
Another SubStack site you may find helpful is https://www.carermentor.com/. It is written for caregivers, but since you are your own caregiver, the information may be beneficial.
I'm sorry to hear you were experiencing so much overwhelm Janice, I hope you're feeling better soon ❤️ I haven't read the book Alexander and the Terrible.... but it sounds like something I would get a kick out of.
Hi Donna, Thank you. ❤️ I think it goes with the territory these days - aging, being on my own, and the world situation. I keep reminding myself of the Serenity Prayer and dwell on the things I do have control over.
Hi Janice ~ I am finally befriending my husband's anxiety. He has driven me crazy over the years with his constant worrying. In my frustration I've often said to him, "You can suck the joy right out of me." For a simple example: One time I showed him a picture of the beautiful place we were staying on Sanibel Island, and he said, "I hope it can hold up in a storm." He does give me plenty of great material for my blog, however. Ha! Now that I look at his anxiety as a balance to my over optimistic attitude of everything's an adventure and I validate his concerns, he seems to be less nervous. Does that make sense? I couldn't believe it as soon as our flight landed back home from our granddaughter's wedding in CA, he said, "Well, that was pretty easy. I shouldn't have worried so much." Maybe there's hope... xoxo
Hi Jan, I laughed at your husband's comment after he returned from the wedding. I think of all the "what ifs" beforehand, and when I get home, invariably, admit that it went really well or we had a great time. I tell myself the anxiety is taking care of me, identifying everything I can do to make the trip safe, easy, and fun. That's perfect- validating his concerns - he's being heard and taken seriously.
Janice, I love the idea of befriending anxiety. Having realised there is sometimes an undercurrent of anxiety going on for me, I’m fascinated to explore this more. If anxiety is visiting, I want to be able to welcome it and hear its message; not shut the door and try to keep it out. Which doesn’t work anyway! I’ll look for that book you suggested. Thank you 😃
Hi Jane, That's precisely the right approach, I think. And ask what it, the anxiety, needs from you. I was not an anxious person until after my husband died. He was my rock - and then there was none. My anxiety needed a new one - me. I'm working on it, and there is more to do.
Janice, I love how you “befriended anxiety” based upon a personal experience only to realize you are as normal as the next person experiencing anxiety like you did.
We all deal with life crisis, overload, overwhelm, fear of not doing enough, fear of doing too much, relational anxiety and loss in so many different ways. I loved your acronym at the end. Thank you for your wisdom and perspective.
I still often wonder why we are such an anxious society? Always makes me think that people slogging out a living when there were so few conveniences and supports should have had way more anxiety than people today??
I believe that the Boomer generation got greedy, and as a result, jobs and housing and careers are not the same for our kids. It is hard to find a job that pays enough for a decent house, that has benefits, or allows for extras like a vacation or a cottage. So much to be anxious about if you are living pay cheque to pay cheque.
Have noted and observed to be helpful, one thing, among others , that struck me was listening. We don’t have to fill the silence when we learn how to listen longer
The children's book, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, pretty much describes how I felt earlier this year. Nothing major happened, just a series of annoying events. I resolved the issues, but I was less effective at managing my emotions.
I had a therapist who helped me with my long covid. She specialised in re-balancing the autonomous nervous system. Through my work with her I've got much better at just observing what's going on with me rather than getting stuck in it and panicing. Over time, the horribleness of stuff going on in my body has reduced :)
Your paragraph on the series of annoying events, made me laugh. Sorry, but it was so similar to weeks I myself often have. One thing right after another. I always think of Gilda Radner, a comedian who died of cancer in 1989 of ovarian cancer. Her way of facing anxiety while she was ill, was through laughter. She wrote a book in her last months and titled it, "It's always something!" A classic understatement if I ever heard one.
ALL ways laughter: Gilda loved to laugh and laughter lingers onward, eveenhac her life.
I remember Gilda; she was special.
Fantastic post Janice!
I am also 82 and my husband has dementia. You column reached out and touched my stress in a healing way. Thank you.
Hi Janice - you just appeared on my cellphone and I suspect a friend sent your post to me - I’m grateful she did as I suspect your wisdom will be helpful to me. I am totally alone and battling Alzheimer’s and need all the help I can get. I’ll be looking forward to your comments. Judith in UT
Hi Judith, Thank you so much for your note. Did you get a chance to subscribe to the free newsletter? There are over 300 articles, some of which might provide resources and ideas for you as you travel this very challenging path. They are about my journey as I cared for my husband, as he struggled with Alzheimer's. Are you acquainted with online groups and resources to tap into?
Another SubStack site you may find helpful is https://www.carermentor.com/. It is written for caregivers, but since you are your own caregiver, the information may be beneficial.
Take care.
I'm sorry to hear you were experiencing so much overwhelm Janice, I hope you're feeling better soon ❤️ I haven't read the book Alexander and the Terrible.... but it sounds like something I would get a kick out of.
Hi Donna, Thank you. ❤️ I think it goes with the territory these days - aging, being on my own, and the world situation. I keep reminding myself of the Serenity Prayer and dwell on the things I do have control over.
Hi Janice ~ I am finally befriending my husband's anxiety. He has driven me crazy over the years with his constant worrying. In my frustration I've often said to him, "You can suck the joy right out of me." For a simple example: One time I showed him a picture of the beautiful place we were staying on Sanibel Island, and he said, "I hope it can hold up in a storm." He does give me plenty of great material for my blog, however. Ha! Now that I look at his anxiety as a balance to my over optimistic attitude of everything's an adventure and I validate his concerns, he seems to be less nervous. Does that make sense? I couldn't believe it as soon as our flight landed back home from our granddaughter's wedding in CA, he said, "Well, that was pretty easy. I shouldn't have worried so much." Maybe there's hope... xoxo
Hi Jan, I laughed at your husband's comment after he returned from the wedding. I think of all the "what ifs" beforehand, and when I get home, invariably, admit that it went really well or we had a great time. I tell myself the anxiety is taking care of me, identifying everything I can do to make the trip safe, easy, and fun. That's perfect- validating his concerns - he's being heard and taken seriously.
Janice, I love the idea of befriending anxiety. Having realised there is sometimes an undercurrent of anxiety going on for me, I’m fascinated to explore this more. If anxiety is visiting, I want to be able to welcome it and hear its message; not shut the door and try to keep it out. Which doesn’t work anyway! I’ll look for that book you suggested. Thank you 😃
Hi Jane, That's precisely the right approach, I think. And ask what it, the anxiety, needs from you. I was not an anxious person until after my husband died. He was my rock - and then there was none. My anxiety needed a new one - me. I'm working on it, and there is more to do.
Janice, I love how you “befriended anxiety” based upon a personal experience only to realize you are as normal as the next person experiencing anxiety like you did.
We all deal with life crisis, overload, overwhelm, fear of not doing enough, fear of doing too much, relational anxiety and loss in so many different ways. I loved your acronym at the end. Thank you for your wisdom and perspective.
I still often wonder why we are such an anxious society? Always makes me think that people slogging out a living when there were so few conveniences and supports should have had way more anxiety than people today??
Hi Mary Ann, That's a good question. Life at a faster pace and more information available? What do you think?
I believe that the Boomer generation got greedy, and as a result, jobs and housing and careers are not the same for our kids. It is hard to find a job that pays enough for a decent house, that has benefits, or allows for extras like a vacation or a cottage. So much to be anxious about if you are living pay cheque to pay cheque.
Hi, So true about living paycheck to paycheck.
Of all the good things you
Have noted and observed to be helpful, one thing, among others , that struck me was listening. We don’t have to fill the silence when we learn how to listen longer
Listen linger and learn
Hi Gary, I couldn't agree more.