Being My Own Rock

Self-trust Looms Large!!

Photo by Daniil Silantev on Unsplash

When my parents and brother died - I grieved and missed them deeply, but I could pick up the pieces and move on - mainly because Dan was there.

But this time, Dan - my rock - died, no one was left, but me. I had no idea how strongly and in how many ways that fact would impact me.

I’m very fortunate to have help and support today. But it’s different. Dan and I figured things out and solved problems together - now, the responsibility of taking care of business and making the big decisions falls solely on me.

You know I want to be my own rock, If you read the article, The Trip. Easier said than done! The problem is that I hadn’t found a way to manage the fear - other than to feel it and do it anyway, as the motivational speaker Susan Jeffers suggests.

And the fear boils down to self-trust. I trusted Dan, and I trusted us as a team. But to rely on little ‘ol me - another story.

I talked about Self-Trust in a past article. And so did Donna McArthur’s article, I’m Living Between Fear and Excitement. She makes a good point: “I made a video for you = fear, I made a video for you = excitement.”

There are lots of reasons why I lack trust in myself. The following articles name a few.

1. 7 Psychological Reasons You Don’t Trust Yourself suggests that procrastination, perfectionism, and dwelling on the past might cause a lack of self-trust.

2. I Don’t Trust Myself proposes that fear of making the wrong choice and lacking self-confidence in one’s abilities get in the way.

3. Why Is It So Hard To Trust Yourself? says that constantly second-guessing, waffling, deferring to others, and flip-flopping play a role.

I can relate to many of them - and - another reason also makes sense.

For years, I told myself I would do something and didn’t follow through. I’ve done it so many times I no longer trust me. How can I build enough trust, now, to be my rock and rely on myself as I age well?

The author of The Blissful Mind website says

If you’re constantly setting goals and plans for yourself but can’t seem to follow through with them, you’re breaking the most important promise – the one with yourself. I found myself getting tired of doing this, so I decided it was time to keep the commitments to myself.

Brian Tracy, the motivational speaker, offers good ideas.

These articles have tips as well.

How to Trust Yourself More - “To start building trust with yourself, consider exploring your values, boundaries, and skills to remind yourself of what’s important to you. Reconnecting with yourself can also involve listening to your own needs, making time for self-care, and practicing being kind to yourself.

Self-trust and How to Build it - “Self-trust is not trusting yourself to know all the answers, nor is it believing that you will always do the right things. It’s having the conviction that you will be kind and respectful to yourself regardless of the outcome of your efforts.”

My first two steps in creating more self-trust are to

1. Stick to the promises I make to myself.

2. Remember Donna’s words as an example. She felt the fear and did it anyway - successfully.

Ripples - “What will I send out from my heart to the world today?” These words are from a beautiful poem and message.

Gullible - “It seems someone is trying to scam me daily through phone calls, texts, or Facebook.” A delightful but true story.

If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimer’s Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.