I’m not fond of labels - they tend to put people in boxes. But they abound, and society seems to insist on them, so let’s look at them in regard to people caring for loved ones.
After helping those in need of assistance to their last breath, being paid does not change your care or love for the person. Maybe I am odd man out. I am still feeling like a big hole has been ripped out of my heart 6 months after caring for a woman for 10 months. Every time one of my “friends” die, I don’t think the fact that I was paid makes it hurt less. Why can’t others see how much you invest at such a critical point in someone’s life. The difference is I can hurt for months and no one cares or understands because there was money involved. “It is your job.” Maybe it could be considered a job if you didn’t invest 100% of yourself in the pain and suffering that is taking place. There are no support groups for us that could lose several people a year. The family counts on you 100% during this period of time. Their life goes on as the family that lost their mother. Since I got money my life counts for nothing. My hurt is for free. Who was the one holding their hand when they were so scared? The last lady said she loved me the most because I was always there for her 3 days before she died. Everyone understands the family is buried in grief. Nobody cares about me because I got money. So call me anything you want. Money makes no difference when you are giving your soul.
Thank you Janice. I believe that after 60 years your pain comes from watching someone you have loved disappear before your eyes without any way to make it stop. You had to hurt for so much longer. You have all those years invested in love. Your hurt is deeper.
Maybe there needs to be a box for shift worker. That would cover someone showing up. Working their shift and collecting money.
There is definitely a need for some differentiation in there - because you were a care provider and a caregiver. But as the example in your previous post showed - it is about caring and that shows through.
Susan, thank you for your dedication and love for the people you take care of. It takes a special person to be with the dying, whether or not pay is involved.
Thank you for caring. I have given my all for 25 years. You would think I would learn not to give my soul away to each and every person that needs to be cared for. I care for my “friends” just like I would want someone to care for me. Money supply’s my basic needs. This isn’t about money or titles. My heart and purpose is to help each of these families during a time when most are lost as what to do. Life has so many challenges where any help is so important.
I appreciate your ability to see some of us don’t fit under a title.
I prefer care giver. Reading this post, I realized my deeper connection to you and your writing. I was a caregiver, at different times, to two of my children when they were in the grips of anorexia. I didn’t think of it as caregiving, not until reading this. I thought of it as being a parent and doing whatever it took to help them recover.
Hi Kristi, My first version of the article sounded rather indigent. I had to revise it. Caring is what we did as a couple throughout our marriage and as you say - it is what parents do with their children - if more is needed more is given. So, I was having trouble with the terms.
I've always thought of "caretaker" referring to cemetery, garden, etc. So yes that would be property.
The word "carer" I had not heard until 2018. It bugs me, sounds like bad grammar, at least in American English. I get where it probably comes from, i e. Pet sitter, dog walker. But you would not say baby or pet carer.
"Caregiver" for people.
Of which I also became to my husband after a brain cancer diagnosis.
I’m not fond of labels - they tend to put people in boxes. But they abound, and society seems to insist on them, so let’s look at them in regard to people caring for loved ones.
After helping those in need of assistance to their last breath, being paid does not change your care or love for the person. Maybe I am odd man out. I am still feeling like a big hole has been ripped out of my heart 6 months after caring for a woman for 10 months. Every time one of my “friends” die, I don’t think the fact that I was paid makes it hurt less. Why can’t others see how much you invest at such a critical point in someone’s life. The difference is I can hurt for months and no one cares or understands because there was money involved. “It is your job.” Maybe it could be considered a job if you didn’t invest 100% of yourself in the pain and suffering that is taking place. There are no support groups for us that could lose several people a year. The family counts on you 100% during this period of time. Their life goes on as the family that lost their mother. Since I got money my life counts for nothing. My hurt is for free. Who was the one holding their hand when they were so scared? The last lady said she loved me the most because I was always there for her 3 days before she died. Everyone understands the family is buried in grief. Nobody cares about me because I got money. So call me anything you want. Money makes no difference when you are giving your soul.
Hi Susan, Thank you so much for your insightful, wonderful post. It adds another dimension to the discussion.
Thank you Janice. I believe that after 60 years your pain comes from watching someone you have loved disappear before your eyes without any way to make it stop. You had to hurt for so much longer. You have all those years invested in love. Your hurt is deeper.
Maybe there needs to be a box for shift worker. That would cover someone showing up. Working their shift and collecting money.
There is definitely a need for some differentiation in there - because you were a care provider and a caregiver. But as the example in your previous post showed - it is about caring and that shows through.
Susan I tried replying to you but somehow it ended up farther down in the comments.
Susan, thank you for your dedication and love for the people you take care of. It takes a special person to be with the dying, whether or not pay is involved.
Robin
Thank you for caring. I have given my all for 25 years. You would think I would learn not to give my soul away to each and every person that needs to be cared for. I care for my “friends” just like I would want someone to care for me. Money supply’s my basic needs. This isn’t about money or titles. My heart and purpose is to help each of these families during a time when most are lost as what to do. Life has so many challenges where any help is so important.
I appreciate your ability to see some of us don’t fit under a title.
I prefer care giver. Reading this post, I realized my deeper connection to you and your writing. I was a caregiver, at different times, to two of my children when they were in the grips of anorexia. I didn’t think of it as caregiving, not until reading this. I thought of it as being a parent and doing whatever it took to help them recover.
Hi Kristi, My first version of the article sounded rather indigent. I had to revise it. Caring is what we did as a couple throughout our marriage and as you say - it is what parents do with their children - if more is needed more is given. So, I was having trouble with the terms.
Thank you
I've always thought of "caretaker" referring to cemetery, garden, etc. So yes that would be property.
The word "carer" I had not heard until 2018. It bugs me, sounds like bad grammar, at least in American English. I get where it probably comes from, i e. Pet sitter, dog walker. But you would not say baby or pet carer.
"Caregiver" for people.
Of which I also became to my husband after a brain cancer diagnosis.
Hi Robin, I had never heard of the term carer either. Me too - caregiver for people and done with love rather than a paid job.
I have used caregiver and caretaker interchangeably. I was not aware of the different implications.
Hi Debbie, I wasn't aware of the implications either. I tend to use caregiver though - it just feels more loving.