Navigating the Hurdles Caregivers Face
Strategies for Support and Resilience
In part, caregiving was stressful because I wasn’t mentally, physically, or emotionally prepared to take care of the person who was my life partner for so many years - this was unfamiliar territory and territory I did not want to visit.
Dan was experiencing some memory loss, but it became significant after emergency surgery and a nine-day hospital stay. At the time, we thought and hoped the condition was temporary - a reaction to the anesthesia, but it wasn’t.
In Caregiving101, we discussed ideas for people preparing to care for a loved one. The American Psychological Association article Common Caregiving Problems mentions similar concerns.
Mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and stress
Physical health issues like fatigue, loss of sleep, and a weakened immune system
Functional and cognitive impairments like difficulty with concentration
Financial and marital concerns
Care decisions such as residential placement and end-of-life decisions
Resources and eligibility for services like housing and respite care
Advocacy for interface and coordination with service systems
I experienced most of those problems, in addition to
Managing my time and energy effectively
Finding privacy in a small apartment
Handling my husband’s behavior and keeping him safe
Surviving the day-to-day stress of caring for a loved one
Not understanding and appreciating the demands of the situation
Even though it’s painful and tedious, planning for these eventualities and periodically rethinking one’s plans seems necessary.
The article"Pushing Against the Process" was an eye-opener for me. I felt pressured to make certain decisions for Dan. I knew him and felt that what they did at the hospital was not in his best interest. But I consented—they were the professionals. Today, I’d push harder against those pressures, ask more questions, and be knowledgeable enough to advocate more vigorously on his behalf.
You may also benefit from reading the Caregivers Mentor newsletter. Victoria is a mentor and advocate who shares many resources, insights, and knowledge supporting caregivers.
P. S. I’d love to have you share the Aging Well Newsletter with others. I want to bring the lessons I’ve learned through the years of life and caregiving to as many people as possible. More than anything, I want to continue to expand our community of readers.
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In part, caregiving was stressful because I wasn’t mentally, physically, or emotionally prepared to take care of the person who was my life partner for so many years - this was unfamiliar territory and territory I did not want to visit.
Advocate for your Beloveds. As a former paralegal in Chicago, our office used Medical Directives as part of Advance Planning for medical and property concerns relating to aging, disease, accidents et al. There are 8 scenarios that walk you through “if I am in this situation, then these are the treatments I want.” It’s specific and provides peace of mind that one planned ahead instead of waiting for the unimaginables to happen. I have used it with my own Estate planning and those of my kids. Comfort care?? Life support with varying clarifiers?? If brain dead after 2-3 opinions, then organ and tissue donor?? Typically one fills it out when still in good health. You may create a scenario as well and designate your healthcare agent as well an alternate. I highly recommend it as an addendum to estate planning. It varies by state, Illinois and Ohio use it. I stapled it to my POA Health and Property that goes with any admission to a facility. Food for thought as we age. My spouse has Dementia, so we are already putting plans in place for difficulties yet not manifested. Become vociferous about care wanted/needed versus what a professional orders.