In part, caregiving was stressful because I wasn’t mentally, physically, or emotionally prepared to take care of the person who was my life partner for so many years - this was unfamiliar territory and territory I did not want to visit.
Off topic. But as I'm aging the thought of caregiving anyone or anything except our plants and (I hope) a dog, positively frightens me. You are a hero in my eyes.
Advocate for your Beloveds. As a former paralegal in Chicago, our office used Medical Directives as part of Advance Planning for medical and property concerns relating to aging, disease, accidents et al. There are 8 scenarios that walk you through “if I am in this situation, then these are the treatments I want.” It’s specific and provides peace of mind that one planned ahead instead of waiting for the unimaginables to happen. I have used it with my own Estate planning and those of my kids. Comfort care?? Life support with varying clarifiers?? If brain dead after 2-3 opinions, then organ and tissue donor?? Typically one fills it out when still in good health. You may create a scenario as well and designate your healthcare agent as well an alternate. I highly recommend it as an addendum to estate planning. It varies by state, Illinois and Ohio use it. I stapled it to my POA Health and Property that goes with any admission to a facility. Food for thought as we age. My spouse has Dementia, so we are already putting plans in place for difficulties yet not manifested. Become vociferous about care wanted/needed versus what a professional orders.
Hi Janice, Thank you for such an informative post. I want to highlight your final sentence about becoming vociferous about care both at a hospital and an assisted living facility.That was a huge issue for me - I didn't know enough to do enough.
We walk in the light we have. When crises arise without adequate mitigated planning, the advocate relies on “professionals” because they really should know; however, they aren’t emotionally attached to our loved ones. We are. I had to do this long distance for my Mom who signed herself into short-term care as she had MRSA. Within 2 days she was incoherent. Repeated calls to my brother with necessary documents. Mom was an RN snd had all docs in order. The facility disregarded etc. I wasn’t able to physically make the drive. She died in there which still breaks my heart. They drugged her. Ironically, the state took their license but not before many lives were destroyed due to negligent criminal behaviors. Thankfully your story will help alleviate another’s dilemma. I commend you for doing what needed doing. Bless you 🙏
I'm so sorry about your Mom. Taking the facility's license was good but it doesn't alleviate the anguish they caused. My husband was in a memory care facility where he got COVID and died. A resident went home for a weekend and infected the entire community. I know there were several deaths.
Am so sorry about your husband. How long were you married? When more than half of your life is spent with the love of your life, you lose more than a spouse. Not sure if you are familiar with Find A Grave memorials, but you can write his bio and add photos as a lasting legacy. I created them for my Mom and Dad the mornings that they inhaled Eternity. Such a solace as they have been with their Lord for years now. Are your folks living? Writing all about their essences gave me such peace. Your husband’s story needs to be told. It is a free site and only needs an email address to give you updates etc. I have belonged to Ancestry for about 20+ years. Libraries are lost unless someone closely associated can do their lives justice with words and photos. I created Mom’s and it links Dad’s and other ancestors. Here is Mom’s
Hi Janice, Dan and I met when we were 12 - he was the boy down the street. We married when we were 19 and were married for 60 years before he developed dementia and then died of COVID. I started the AgingWell Newsletter right after his death as a way of healing and to share things I learned with others who might not know. Thanks for all the information, I will check it all out.
Golly, Janice. I am getting behind on your newsletter. My inbox is exploding. I found your article on false beliefs really helpful and I am looking forward to these new resources. You always have such important finds for us! What energy you have. How I envy your ability to ferret out the things we need to know -- and write it all down so beautifully.
Hi Sharron, Oh, thanks so much. I can imagine your inbox is exploding given all of the wonderful articles you write and responses you get. Thank you for reading my article as you have time.
In part, caregiving was stressful because I wasn’t mentally, physically, or emotionally prepared to take care of the person who was my life partner for so many years - this was unfamiliar territory and territory I did not want to visit.
Off topic. But as I'm aging the thought of caregiving anyone or anything except our plants and (I hope) a dog, positively frightens me. You are a hero in my eyes.
Oh Patti, Thank you, so much. I so didn't want to be a caregiver, but when it was the love of my life - there was no question in my mind.
You are an angel. Enough said.
Advocate for your Beloveds. As a former paralegal in Chicago, our office used Medical Directives as part of Advance Planning for medical and property concerns relating to aging, disease, accidents et al. There are 8 scenarios that walk you through “if I am in this situation, then these are the treatments I want.” It’s specific and provides peace of mind that one planned ahead instead of waiting for the unimaginables to happen. I have used it with my own Estate planning and those of my kids. Comfort care?? Life support with varying clarifiers?? If brain dead after 2-3 opinions, then organ and tissue donor?? Typically one fills it out when still in good health. You may create a scenario as well and designate your healthcare agent as well an alternate. I highly recommend it as an addendum to estate planning. It varies by state, Illinois and Ohio use it. I stapled it to my POA Health and Property that goes with any admission to a facility. Food for thought as we age. My spouse has Dementia, so we are already putting plans in place for difficulties yet not manifested. Become vociferous about care wanted/needed versus what a professional orders.
Hi Janice, Thank you for such an informative post. I want to highlight your final sentence about becoming vociferous about care both at a hospital and an assisted living facility.That was a huge issue for me - I didn't know enough to do enough.
We walk in the light we have. When crises arise without adequate mitigated planning, the advocate relies on “professionals” because they really should know; however, they aren’t emotionally attached to our loved ones. We are. I had to do this long distance for my Mom who signed herself into short-term care as she had MRSA. Within 2 days she was incoherent. Repeated calls to my brother with necessary documents. Mom was an RN snd had all docs in order. The facility disregarded etc. I wasn’t able to physically make the drive. She died in there which still breaks my heart. They drugged her. Ironically, the state took their license but not before many lives were destroyed due to negligent criminal behaviors. Thankfully your story will help alleviate another’s dilemma. I commend you for doing what needed doing. Bless you 🙏
Hi Janice,
I'm so sorry about your Mom. Taking the facility's license was good but it doesn't alleviate the anguish they caused. My husband was in a memory care facility where he got COVID and died. A resident went home for a weekend and infected the entire community. I know there were several deaths.
Am so sorry about your husband. How long were you married? When more than half of your life is spent with the love of your life, you lose more than a spouse. Not sure if you are familiar with Find A Grave memorials, but you can write his bio and add photos as a lasting legacy. I created them for my Mom and Dad the mornings that they inhaled Eternity. Such a solace as they have been with their Lord for years now. Are your folks living? Writing all about their essences gave me such peace. Your husband’s story needs to be told. It is a free site and only needs an email address to give you updates etc. I have belonged to Ancestry for about 20+ years. Libraries are lost unless someone closely associated can do their lives justice with words and photos. I created Mom’s and it links Dad’s and other ancestors. Here is Mom’s
https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/105817265/ann-phillips
I’d love to read about your husband if you would share. God Bless you 🙏
Hi Janice, Dan and I met when we were 12 - he was the boy down the street. We married when we were 19 and were married for 60 years before he developed dementia and then died of COVID. I started the AgingWell Newsletter right after his death as a way of healing and to share things I learned with others who might not know. Thanks for all the information, I will check it all out.
How awesome 👏 51 years for us. I will look into your newsletter. Sounds intriguing and helpful. Thank you 🙏
Golly, Janice. I am getting behind on your newsletter. My inbox is exploding. I found your article on false beliefs really helpful and I am looking forward to these new resources. You always have such important finds for us! What energy you have. How I envy your ability to ferret out the things we need to know -- and write it all down so beautifully.
Hi Sharron, Oh, thanks so much. I can imagine your inbox is exploding given all of the wonderful articles you write and responses you get. Thank you for reading my article as you have time.