"What if" and "If only" are absolutely deadly, Janice, aren't they? You will drop the hypotheticals eventually, because it is just too exhausting and it goes nowhere. I finally replaced the "If only..." with, "I did the very best I could. It wasn't perfect, but I gave it all I had." No one could ask for more. Took me six years to let it go, and it still tries to sneak back into my head. It is PTSD.
Hi Sharron, "I did the best I could at the time" is my new mantra. It wasn't perfect, but it was my best. So true, those two phrases are deadly and us nowhere.
Hi Janice. Since we all have choices, I think we all live with 'what if's'. As you said, you made the best choices that you could at the time. I believe that one of the problems with 'what if's' is that they are often associated with 'guilt'. You obviously loved Dan very much and you did your best, under very challenging circumstances. I see you as the hero of this story, not the villain.
Hi Heather, Well, I must confess I never thought of myself a a hero in this story - more of "I wish I could have done more." That is a very empowering thought. Thank you.
Janice, I can’t even imagine how hard this must have been for you. I think about my husband and I being in this situation. It makes me want to live and love and appreciate much as I can now.
I realize this info that you are sharing with us is so personal but so valuable. I want to thank you for doing so. I personally have not had to deal with care giving an Alzheimer’s patient but people close to me have. I hope my prayers have helped them , the patient and the care giver, through God’s love and mercy. However, reading your words help to give me understanding and much needed knowledge .
Hi Karen, I have to think that prayers definitely help. Both my father-in-law and my sister-in-law had dementia, but they lived in the midwest and we lived on the west coast, so I never really experienced what caregiving was like. Maybe being better prepared would have helped.
"What if" and "If only" are absolutely deadly, Janice, aren't they? You will drop the hypotheticals eventually, because it is just too exhausting and it goes nowhere. I finally replaced the "If only..." with, "I did the very best I could. It wasn't perfect, but I gave it all I had." No one could ask for more. Took me six years to let it go, and it still tries to sneak back into my head. It is PTSD.
Hi Sharron, "I did the best I could at the time" is my new mantra. It wasn't perfect, but it was my best. So true, those two phrases are deadly and us nowhere.
Hi Janice. Since we all have choices, I think we all live with 'what if's'. As you said, you made the best choices that you could at the time. I believe that one of the problems with 'what if's' is that they are often associated with 'guilt'. You obviously loved Dan very much and you did your best, under very challenging circumstances. I see you as the hero of this story, not the villain.
Looking forward to your next post. ❤
Hi Heather, Well, I must confess I never thought of myself a a hero in this story - more of "I wish I could have done more." That is a very empowering thought. Thank you.
Janice, I can’t even imagine how hard this must have been for you. I think about my husband and I being in this situation. It makes me want to live and love and appreciate much as I can now.
Hi Kristi, Those are words of wisdom for sure - live, love, and appreciate as much as you can right now.
I realize this info that you are sharing with us is so personal but so valuable. I want to thank you for doing so. I personally have not had to deal with care giving an Alzheimer’s patient but people close to me have. I hope my prayers have helped them , the patient and the care giver, through God’s love and mercy. However, reading your words help to give me understanding and much needed knowledge .
Hi Karen, I have to think that prayers definitely help. Both my father-in-law and my sister-in-law had dementia, but they lived in the midwest and we lived on the west coast, so I never really experienced what caregiving was like. Maybe being better prepared would have helped.