If someone were looking at the quality of my life today, they’d say it was outstanding.
I live in a lovely two-bedroom apartment with a patio full of flowers overlooking a fountain that fills the rooms with the sound of gently bubbling water.
One of my cats sleeps with me as close as possible every night and the other sits on a chair next to me as I work on the computer. They let me know when it’s time to eat, get up in the morning, and go to bed at night - staring at me till I do what they want.
I have financial security, family support, and plenty of projects to keep me busy. My physical health, social ties, personal independence, and mental wellness are on target.
But if someone were to ask me about the quality of my life and I were totally honest, I’d say, well, my emotional wellness needs work.
For older adults, quality of life depends on their view of how well they enjoy their days, health, and activities. It includes physical health, mental wellness, social ties, and personal independence, varying for each of us based on our goals and values.
Below, I want to discus the general advice experts give compared to what I’m finding at my age - 87 years old.
Experts say that how family members and friends perceive and value us has a major impact on our emotional health.
What I’m Finding:
How family and friends perceive me could have a major impact on my emotional wellbeing.
When they ask my opinion, I feel they value me. My granddaughter recently asked to interview me about the newsletter for a class she’s taking in her master’s program. I felt a sense of pride.
But if those words are contrary to my beliefs about myself, I might not experience the feeling.
It seems like our sense of self-worth might play an equal or more important role than how others perceive and value us.
Experts say seniors with a sense of purpose are less susceptible to cognitive impairment, heart attacks and strokes, and may live longer.
What I’m Finding:
I know that’s true for me. Having a purpose has always been a priority.
Conversely, when my husband lost his job because he couldn’t manage the work load, his reason for living diminished and COVID quarantines at the time furthered his decline. In his mind, he had nothing to live for.
Experts say if you want to help an older loved one have an improved quality of life, put them to work! It doesn’t have to be anything more than helping cook a meal or going to the grocery. If they can do it, don’t assume it’s better to do it for them.
What I’m finding:
While I agree with the point about having work, those suggestions don’t come close to improving my quality of life today.
I worked for a police department, developed counseling programs, and was an adjunct professor for several online schools - all of which were challenging and fulfilling roles. Cooking a meal or going to the grocery provides little meaning - other than getting a chore done. The good news: writing this newsletter does.
I strongly agree we should not do things for our older loved ones - as much as possible.
Experts say we should help older adults feel heard, and encouraged to share their knowledge and experiences.
What I’m finding:
Yes and no! Sharing his knowledge and experiences didn’t work for my husband given his struggle with dementia. He often checked his driver’s license just to make sure of his name.
But I appreciate being included and asked for my opinion. Then I feel like I’m contributing and not being a total burden.
The bottom line seems to be finding ways to keep our loved ones as an integral part of our life - however that can be.
So, the question to consider is “how can we experience quality of life given our current circumstances?”
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Dr. Janice Walton is a psychologist, widow, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and writer. She has written articles for Substack for the past five years and recently published a book, The Insider’s Guide to Aging Well Through the Eyes of an 87-year-old.
What can we do to experience quality of life given our current circumstances?
I know the feeling!