Quality of life is the whole point. I'm not trying to reach 200 in a wheelchair. I'm over 70 and running a public experiment to live to 200 at The 200 Year Life Project, and I just added Aging Well to my recommendations. If you think your readers would enjoy mine, I'd be grateful for a recommendation back. - Gary
I find that my purpose in life is to do all the things I didn't have time for when I was working. I am learning to cook. I just published a novel. I go to the beach twice a day. I smile. I had time to smile before, but I didn't do it often. I think this period of my life is to lead by example; to show others that happiness is a state of mind.
Janice, your point that self-worth may matter as much as how others see us really resonated with me as health psychologist; it’s something the research often skips over. I also loved the reminder that purpose has to feel meaningful to the person, not just keep them busy. Your granddaughter interviewing you for her master’s class is wonderful, and I hope your cats approved of the time away from them - Heather
The purpose for each person is their own choice. Being kind, compassionate and helpful when it presents itself is mine. I don’t always need a physical project. Being still and in nature and enjoying the quiet solitude is priceless. I worked as a nurse and manager for 47 years, I’m 80 and quite content with enjoying life, friends, family and at this point managing most things on my own which is how I want it.
Our quality of life truly depends on perspective. I can have little with gratitude or plenty with discontent. I choose the path of gratitude. I am the only caregiver for my 92 yr old husband who has dementia. I have plenty to grouse about if I choose to. I do not. Instead I choose joy. I count my blessings and praise God for His love and constant presence. Life is much too valuable to waste on grumbling!
This is a very poignant article. I'm not far behind you in age (81), and I wrestle with the same quality-of-life issues. Fortunately, I got a "heads up" when, twenty years ago, I became a bedside hospice volunteer.
During my 10 years at the Zen Guest House, I had the privilege of serving people who knew they had little time left and wanted to share their wisdom with listeners. Quality-of-life issues were immediate for them: there was nothing theoretical about quality. Each knew that, at the most, they had six months to live.
I listened for 10 years and came away a very different person: I went from a highly regimented academic to someone whose values shifted enough to put quality-of-life concerns above the usual superficial ones people cite. Your article does a beautiful job of distinguishing between the two.
Hi Stan, I started seriously thinking more about quality of life a couple years ago and was surprised to learn the lesson you point out regarding the superficial concerns people cite. I'm not sure how to put in into words but it really is something very different than I originally thought.
I think what makes "quality of life" issues difficult to define is that they change with age and circumstances. One of my graduate school mentors had very clear ideas about what his quality of life should be, and throughout my doctoral program he made those very clear. In his early 90s, his health was still unchanged until he began experiencing instability and falling issues.
I assumed that his call to me was to ask for suggestions on what he could do to prevent falls, since he knew I was working on programs to manage Parkinson's symptoms.
Egotistically, I felt honored. Here was my mentor asking me for advice! I assembled all of my research and clinical findings and sent him a pre-publication document of everything I was able develop to prevent falling. In my mind, I assumed that by providing them with the strategies, I could enhance his quality of life. I was dismayed when I never heard back from him.
I learned from a mutual friend that having strategies to prevent falling didn't enhance his quality of life. Not having to depend on them would.
I think quality of life is a moving target that defies assumptions.
Replaceability is the line. Anyone can fetch the milk. Only you can answer the question your granddaughter came to ask, and that is what registers as being needed.
Janise, thank you for that great article! I’m 78, widowed, artist, and author. It fills my time but the feeling of useless creeps in. I work on replacing those thoughts with positive ones. It helps. I was listening to Billy Graham the other day an old recording on YouTube of him. And he talked about aging and how that light at the end of the tunnel will get bigger. He said, that these are the precious years, these are the wise years, these are the years that we focus on heaven and letting go of earthly possessions, putting more love into family and friends and letting them see that radiance. It was refreshing to listen to.
I sure understand everything that you talked about and you are a very talented person also, just know that maybe your purpose is this newsletter to everybody in our age group. Keep up the positive vibes, it’s important!
I appreciate how honest this is about the gap between what a life looks like from the outside and how it actually feels. Having everything on paper doesn’t automatically mean it’s all okay.
"I strongly agree we should not do things for our older loved ones - as much as possible" - this sentence, Janice, I would agree with. I noted while looking after my mother who was 84 or so with motor neurone disease that while I thought I was helping her if I offered to make the tea or whatever, that this was not necessarily what was wanted. Indeed, it was often better if she did that herself (even if it took longer); and that if I asked her what she needed, it was often something other than what I would have thought.
And thank you for this article in general; I feel as someone nearing 70 that I am learning a lot from you about what it might be like to be older; and not to assume anything really.
Hi Jane, It just seems as if what is being written doesn't tell the entire story - either that or the writer has never been in such a position. Older adults need to feel as they are wanted even if in a different way.
Aw, Janice. I see you have finally surrendered to a higher power and admitted who is really in charge in your house. Baily and Bella! Bless their little furry hearts. ha ha ha!❤️
Hi Janice ~. I find that my purpose has always been the same: to be an encourager. For most of my life, I did it as a paid teacher and a dedicated mom. As an older person, now I "seize the day." I help/support people whenever situations arise instead of doing it as an occupation or looking for ways to do it. Oh, you need someone to edit your thesis. Yes, I can. You need a speaker for your end-of-year luncheon. Yes, I can. You need a bouquet of flowers for the head table. Yes, I pick some. You need someone to cut out bulletin board letters. Yes, I'll do it. I still En-JOY doing things for others -- no matter how small.
Jan, I love this word 'encourager' and I might have to adopt it for myself too! It goes along with what you're saying later too, the words 'yes I can'. They are full of enthusiasm, possibility, and joy. If that's what an encourager is, then I am definitely one, and will continue to be one in the future. Thankyou so much :)
What can we do to experience quality of life given our current circumstances?
My need is to be needed and not feel invisible.
Quality of life is the whole point. I'm not trying to reach 200 in a wheelchair. I'm over 70 and running a public experiment to live to 200 at The 200 Year Life Project, and I just added Aging Well to my recommendations. If you think your readers would enjoy mine, I'd be grateful for a recommendation back. - Gary
Enjoyed the comment from Stan regarding hospice volunteering. Do you remain a volunteer?
Janice, as always, your insight is remarkable & appreciated🤗
I find that my purpose in life is to do all the things I didn't have time for when I was working. I am learning to cook. I just published a novel. I go to the beach twice a day. I smile. I had time to smile before, but I didn't do it often. I think this period of my life is to lead by example; to show others that happiness is a state of mind.
Hi Tam, I like that - to lead by example and show happiness is a state of mind during this period of our lives.
Janice, your point that self-worth may matter as much as how others see us really resonated with me as health psychologist; it’s something the research often skips over. I also loved the reminder that purpose has to feel meaningful to the person, not just keep them busy. Your granddaughter interviewing you for her master’s class is wonderful, and I hope your cats approved of the time away from them - Heather
Hi Heather, It doesn't seem like we get the whole story all too often.
Janice - so true unfortunately - Heather
The purpose for each person is their own choice. Being kind, compassionate and helpful when it presents itself is mine. I don’t always need a physical project. Being still and in nature and enjoying the quiet solitude is priceless. I worked as a nurse and manager for 47 years, I’m 80 and quite content with enjoying life, friends, family and at this point managing most things on my own which is how I want it.
Susan, So very true - the purpose for each of us is our own choice and if we choose accordingly, we will have quality of life.
Our quality of life truly depends on perspective. I can have little with gratitude or plenty with discontent. I choose the path of gratitude. I am the only caregiver for my 92 yr old husband who has dementia. I have plenty to grouse about if I choose to. I do not. Instead I choose joy. I count my blessings and praise God for His love and constant presence. Life is much too valuable to waste on grumbling!
HI Dee, Well said and what a good reminder.
Hi Janice,
This is a very poignant article. I'm not far behind you in age (81), and I wrestle with the same quality-of-life issues. Fortunately, I got a "heads up" when, twenty years ago, I became a bedside hospice volunteer.
During my 10 years at the Zen Guest House, I had the privilege of serving people who knew they had little time left and wanted to share their wisdom with listeners. Quality-of-life issues were immediate for them: there was nothing theoretical about quality. Each knew that, at the most, they had six months to live.
I listened for 10 years and came away a very different person: I went from a highly regimented academic to someone whose values shifted enough to put quality-of-life concerns above the usual superficial ones people cite. Your article does a beautiful job of distinguishing between the two.
Hi Stan, I started seriously thinking more about quality of life a couple years ago and was surprised to learn the lesson you point out regarding the superficial concerns people cite. I'm not sure how to put in into words but it really is something very different than I originally thought.
I think what makes "quality of life" issues difficult to define is that they change with age and circumstances. One of my graduate school mentors had very clear ideas about what his quality of life should be, and throughout my doctoral program he made those very clear. In his early 90s, his health was still unchanged until he began experiencing instability and falling issues.
I assumed that his call to me was to ask for suggestions on what he could do to prevent falls, since he knew I was working on programs to manage Parkinson's symptoms.
Egotistically, I felt honored. Here was my mentor asking me for advice! I assembled all of my research and clinical findings and sent him a pre-publication document of everything I was able develop to prevent falling. In my mind, I assumed that by providing them with the strategies, I could enhance his quality of life. I was dismayed when I never heard back from him.
I learned from a mutual friend that having strategies to prevent falling didn't enhance his quality of life. Not having to depend on them would.
I think quality of life is a moving target that defies assumptions.
Hi Stan, That makes perfect sense. I'm also finding that what I defined as quality of life five years ago is no longer the case.
I know the feeling!
Replaceability is the line. Anyone can fetch the milk. Only you can answer the question your granddaughter came to ask, and that is what registers as being needed.
Hi Georges, What a lovely way of putting it.
Thank you, Janice. Your granddaughter's question did the work.
Janise, thank you for that great article! I’m 78, widowed, artist, and author. It fills my time but the feeling of useless creeps in. I work on replacing those thoughts with positive ones. It helps. I was listening to Billy Graham the other day an old recording on YouTube of him. And he talked about aging and how that light at the end of the tunnel will get bigger. He said, that these are the precious years, these are the wise years, these are the years that we focus on heaven and letting go of earthly possessions, putting more love into family and friends and letting them see that radiance. It was refreshing to listen to.
I sure understand everything that you talked about and you are a very talented person also, just know that maybe your purpose is this newsletter to everybody in our age group. Keep up the positive vibes, it’s important!
Pamela
Hi Pamela, Thank you for your kind words. I do think of the newsletter as being my purpose.
I appreciate how honest this is about the gap between what a life looks like from the outside and how it actually feels. Having everything on paper doesn’t automatically mean it’s all okay.
Hi, It does seem like the part about how it feels is often overlooked - at least that's what I'm finding.
"I strongly agree we should not do things for our older loved ones - as much as possible" - this sentence, Janice, I would agree with. I noted while looking after my mother who was 84 or so with motor neurone disease that while I thought I was helping her if I offered to make the tea or whatever, that this was not necessarily what was wanted. Indeed, it was often better if she did that herself (even if it took longer); and that if I asked her what she needed, it was often something other than what I would have thought.
And thank you for this article in general; I feel as someone nearing 70 that I am learning a lot from you about what it might be like to be older; and not to assume anything really.
Hi Jane, It just seems as if what is being written doesn't tell the entire story - either that or the writer has never been in such a position. Older adults need to feel as they are wanted even if in a different way.
Sleeping with cats YUK ‼️‼️‼️so many medical warnings about this !
Aw, Janice. I see you have finally surrendered to a higher power and admitted who is really in charge in your house. Baily and Bella! Bless their little furry hearts. ha ha ha!❤️
LOL - That is certainly true. They are two pampered and loved cats.
Hi Janice ~. I find that my purpose has always been the same: to be an encourager. For most of my life, I did it as a paid teacher and a dedicated mom. As an older person, now I "seize the day." I help/support people whenever situations arise instead of doing it as an occupation or looking for ways to do it. Oh, you need someone to edit your thesis. Yes, I can. You need a speaker for your end-of-year luncheon. Yes, I can. You need a bouquet of flowers for the head table. Yes, I pick some. You need someone to cut out bulletin board letters. Yes, I'll do it. I still En-JOY doing things for others -- no matter how small.
Hi Jan, Beautifully said - and you have found beautiful ways to continue your purpose.
Jan, I love this word 'encourager' and I might have to adopt it for myself too! It goes along with what you're saying later too, the words 'yes I can'. They are full of enthusiasm, possibility, and joy. If that's what an encourager is, then I am definitely one, and will continue to be one in the future. Thankyou so much :)