Although I'm well-aware of the diet and exercise I should be doing to keep myself healthy, I keep eating the wrong things and refusing to exercise consistently. I don't get why I keep working against myself???
Jan, I “feel you,” as the young people say. “I don’t do want I want to do and I do what I don’t want to do!” I recently discovered a book by Caroline Wiseblood Meline, PhD, called “The Constant Dieter.” She approaches this self-sabotage from the viewpoint of a philosopher. It’s been helpful.
i find that i kick myself later when i don’t speak up , j guess due to self esteem issues , or scared of responses . i find myself becoming immediately anxious , and clam up
Personally, I am discovering in the 20 years I've been retried that by habit and preference, I am quite disciplined. While this is a great strength, helping me deal with chronic health issues and continuing to be an indie author who has now published numerous fiction books over the past 17 years, it also can be an obstacle to just having fun in my life. While I am in charge of what I do every day, I have trouble "giving myself permission" to ease up a little on any given day. Maybe not take the second walk if my feet are hurting too much, or maybe not write if what is generally fun, on a certain day isn't as fun, etc. So I can see that being too disciplined is not always supportive! (smile.)
"I’m finding that aging well depends less on trying to return to who we were and more on learning how to be with who we are now." And that is the whole truth of it. Accept. Adapt.
Thank you Karen, My daughter and I were getting together every afternoon to work on art projects, but we've stopped for now. Hopefully, we'll get back to it because art speaks a different language and lets us express parts of otherwise silent parts of ourselves.
Worrying too much about what people think--what I call the "afterburn" of say, setting a boundary, or saying no to a request. It's been a lifelong challenge!
I’ve always been harder on myself than necessary, especially over things most people would probably consider small. I’m better at catching it now. Negative thoughts tend to linger and turn into rumination, while positive ones pass much more quickly. I’ve learned to acknowledge the negative thought, deliberately reframe it toward something positive, and let it go.
Dislike myself and apologize for not doing things at the speed that I used to; for not being able to do as muuh as I used to; for not wanting to be as involved in the social action activities that dominated my outside-of-work and, to a large extent, my employed life, as I used to. Like others, I used to say that none of those things would ever happen to me...and now, I resent having to adjust to them and also feel that slowing down on social action work is slacking off. (Although I know that at 87, it isn't slcaking off.)
Hi Terri, While adjustments are required, I too resent having to make them. I thought if I did the things experts say to do I could avoid the whole aging thing - and while I may have stalled the process somewhat, it is happening - and inevitable.
The question for today’s pop-up discussion is this:
In what ways do I work against rather than support myself?
Age is Wisdom. Use it wherever it shows itself. You’ll be surprised by your understanding, acceptance.
I’m doing more rumination lately, which is leading to less decisive action. Time is passing, yet I’m not taking action for positive change.
Thank you!
Self-criticism.
Often against unfortunately. Overthinking, focusing on regrets, failing to speak up at times. The list goes on...
Although I'm well-aware of the diet and exercise I should be doing to keep myself healthy, I keep eating the wrong things and refusing to exercise consistently. I don't get why I keep working against myself???
Hi Jan, I do know how that goes. Guess I need to check out the book as well.
Jan, I “feel you,” as the young people say. “I don’t do want I want to do and I do what I don’t want to do!” I recently discovered a book by Caroline Wiseblood Meline, PhD, called “The Constant Dieter.” She approaches this self-sabotage from the viewpoint of a philosopher. It’s been helpful.
Thanks, Katie. I will check into that book.
i find that i kick myself later when i don’t speak up , j guess due to self esteem issues , or scared of responses . i find myself becoming immediately anxious , and clam up
Hi Kay, Speaking up was never allowed as I grew up, so it is still uncomfortable for me to do so.
Being as kind as I can to myself as I can whilst navigating tough times. Self criticism does not help.
Hi Denyse - so true, self-criticism does not help - and I can be so good at it.
Personally, I am discovering in the 20 years I've been retried that by habit and preference, I am quite disciplined. While this is a great strength, helping me deal with chronic health issues and continuing to be an indie author who has now published numerous fiction books over the past 17 years, it also can be an obstacle to just having fun in my life. While I am in charge of what I do every day, I have trouble "giving myself permission" to ease up a little on any given day. Maybe not take the second walk if my feet are hurting too much, or maybe not write if what is generally fun, on a certain day isn't as fun, etc. So I can see that being too disciplined is not always supportive! (smile.)
Hi, That was a huge understanding for me - me giving myself permission to say no or settle for good enough when easing up is the 'right' choice.
What I have found interesting recently is that it is "me" I have to say no to!
"I’m finding that aging well depends less on trying to return to who we were and more on learning how to be with who we are now." And that is the whole truth of it. Accept. Adapt.
Hi Sharron, It really is.
And Janice …. Beautiful drawing of that boat . On top of everything else you do well , you’re an artist !
Thank you Karen, My daughter and I were getting together every afternoon to work on art projects, but we've stopped for now. Hopefully, we'll get back to it because art speaks a different language and lets us express parts of otherwise silent parts of ourselves.
Agency, facing reality with equanimity. All love
Ah, facing reality calmly - that is so important.
Worrying too much about what people think--what I call the "afterburn" of say, setting a boundary, or saying no to a request. It's been a lifelong challenge!
Hi, I know how that goes - I tend to second guess myself far too often.
I’ve always been harder on myself than necessary, especially over things most people would probably consider small. I’m better at catching it now. Negative thoughts tend to linger and turn into rumination, while positive ones pass much more quickly. I’ve learned to acknowledge the negative thought, deliberately reframe it toward something positive, and let it go.
Hi Nathan, That sounds like a great approach - acknowledging the negative and them deliberately reframing it toward something positive.
Regretting past decisions , yes, that’s a big one . And we all know better !
Beating ourselves up instead of accepting . Do you think it’s because our generation of women is all perfectionists ?!
Hi Karen, Good question!
Dislike myself and apologize for not doing things at the speed that I used to; for not being able to do as muuh as I used to; for not wanting to be as involved in the social action activities that dominated my outside-of-work and, to a large extent, my employed life, as I used to. Like others, I used to say that none of those things would ever happen to me...and now, I resent having to adjust to them and also feel that slowing down on social action work is slacking off. (Although I know that at 87, it isn't slcaking off.)
Hi Terri, While adjustments are required, I too resent having to make them. I thought if I did the things experts say to do I could avoid the whole aging thing - and while I may have stalled the process somewhat, it is happening - and inevitable.