Embracing Our Feelings to Heal

Finding The Courage to Face What Hurts

Photo by ethan on Unsplash

Have you noticed any of these conditions popping up recently?

• Apathy, or a sense of not caring about anything

• Irritability

• Fatigue and low energy

• Loss of interest in activities once enjoyed

• Insomnia or oversleeping

• A sense of hopelessness

• Trouble concentrating

• Overeating or a decrease in appetite

• Persistent sadness

While reading the list, which was referring to signs of depression, I was surprised to see how many had been popping up for me recently.

They say deep feelings are often the side damage of sudden change and uncertainty. After my husband’s death and while learning to live on my own, anxiety and sadness loomed large - that made sense.

But that was five years ago, and I hadn’t counted on the other feelings that were creeping in: tiredness, irritability, guilt, self-doubt, a sense of hopelessness, and trouble concentrating. Sure, there are possible reasons.

• My aging body no longer functions as it once did, and is showing up with new aches and pains that reduce motivation and increase irritability.

• Homicides, mass murders, and countries at war seem to be the norm these days; they foster a sense of hopelessness about the future and that things can change.

• Poor eyesight after eye surgery requires me to rely on others for transportation and computer issues, which creates feelings of guilt when I have to ask for help.

• Starting a new chapter in life as a single older woman forced me to learn new things, which entailed numerous mistakes, causing frustration and self-doubt.

• Fake news, outright lying, misinformation, and artificial intelligence led to my questioning long-held beliefs and to distrust everything and everyone.

• Never again is a very long time, and the deep sadness remains.

I’ve tried many ways to manage, handle, cope, and ignore those feelings, but my attempts seem to fall short. Is it time for a different approach? Some suggest making friends with them.

In fact, experts recommend embracing our emotions—acknowledging them without judgment and practicing mindfulness by observing them in our bodies and minds.

They say it means allowing ourselves to have feelings without trying to fix them immediately, and offering ourselves self-compassion. Not always easy tasks. We can also journal, talk to someone we trust, or find creative outlets to process our emotions.

A creative process I experimented with is an old art therapy technique. I’m not talking about the popular coloring books for older adults. Instead, I’m talking about writing a word on a piece of paper, drawing or painting what comes to mind, and listening to the message it provides.

• So I tested it. I wrote the word ‘depression’ on a piece of paper, and, with markers, let my hand draw a picture. The picture’s message was that I felt as if I were carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders - and it does feel that way sometimes.

Given that reminder, I reviewed the issues that were bothering me, reminded myself to follow the Serenity Prayer, and renewed my promise to focus on the things I can control. We’ll see if that makes a difference.

I’d love it if you could share the Aging Well newsletter with others. I want to share the lessons I’ve learned throughout my life and caregiving years with as many people as possible. Above all, I want to continue expanding our community of readers.

Thank you for being part of the Aging Well community.

Janice Walton is a psychologist, a widow, a mother, a grandmother, a great-grandmother, and a writer. She has written over 300 articles for Substack during the past five years.