Hi! I'm very new on Substack and a very first time visitor to your page. My name is Maria and please permit me this caveat as it's important for everyone to know- although I'm in my early 60s, I did not grow up with a computer in my classroms. To this day, I remain basically most things tech/ computer ILLITERATE. That is by choice. I don't care for mechanical or engineering related academics nor do even really understand much about science even at the basic core. I went college in my late 40s and got an advanced degree in my mid 50s with a remarkable GPA, however, I almost had a nervous breakdown not learning Advanced Statistics, Economic, or the like, but rather Basic Windows, Microsoft Word, Excel, and such. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!
However, after I lost my only child, and her father and I were unable to survive it- I realized that my biggest fear ( and what kept me with him at the end) was the fear of dying alone. Once I became very ill and realized how useless he was after 27 years, that was no longer a problem. I RAN AWAY FAST. The worse problem was having no purpose! I realized that age plays no role in that. My disability was just the same. I spent 6 weeks I'm the hospital without a visitor. I was unable to walk. They put me on oxygen and said I would NEVER LIVE WITHOUT IT! The tank weighed more than I did. I never went back to the home we shared from the hospital stay. I was only 55 years old but I felt like I was 90. It would take me half an hour to get up 1 flight of stairs. It's the only time in my life that my thoughts became dark. I don't know how to survive without a purpose. THATS A VERY BIG PROBLEM for many people, I bet! I'm currently fully disabled and I never stop. I work through the night often preparing people for their litigation for government services, family court, health insurance, you name it. They are systematically taking all the free supports away by demolishing the funding for non profits. But people need help.
Your part helped me today to go out and help 5 other people. It's really is mysterious how intricate and NOT random life is. How we really do hear what we're supposed to hear when we most need to hear it in places we never expected. Many people say these things are merely coincidences and we as humans have the ability to connect 2 completely unrelated events just because we have such a gross need to attach some type of meaning to EVERYTHING. I have BELIEVED THE EXACT OPPOSITE ALL OF MY LIFE and with good reason. There are things that I have survived and miracles that I have witnessed ALL OVER THIS PLANET that could NEVER HAVE COME TO FRUITION BY A MERE SET OF COINCIDENCES. Only such a specific set of circumstanstances had to take place over a long period of time to get to the exact ending, the miracle, that I've witnessed. What a disservice not to notice that something bigger than ourselves has been here with us Always and always will be.
Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us! It means a great deal to me and to many , many others as well, I'm sure of it.
I am sorry that Grace and Sharron feel this way . And I hope that somehow things improve . Guessing it depends upon our ages …. 77 is still young , comparatively speaking .
Personally I will continue to feel useful and valuable as long as I’m mobile. When movement fails , I fear the worst.
Regarding irrelevance, I find that being "invisible" is so difficult. People seem to look right past me as if I weren't there. Sometimes even with family, whom I adore, I am rarely addressed - hugged, loved, fed, yes, but still it is as if they think I have nothing left to contribute to the conversations... And I sure do. I have many many decades full of interesting stories.... sigh
Hi Sharron, I was very involved with my family through the years. We lived next door to our grandsons for nine years, the older one lived with us as he went to college, my son lived within visiting distance until he moved out of state. They all remain wonderful and we are close but at the same time and rightfully so they have their own lives and I'm not involved as I was - I'm a different generation, can't do as much, and am a step out. I hadn't expected how much I would miss that.
I feel useful because I am a kind of mentor for a number of people as part of an organization I belong to, something I can do on the phone or through zoom. These almost daily interactions havereally made me feel connected, despite being limited by health issues from much public engagement. In addition, as in indie author who is always working on various aspects of this post-retirement career (research, writing, publishing, marketing) I not only am busy, but the responses by fans of my writing certainly do make me feel valued. As I am sure you have discovered, every time a substack subscriber likes, comments, or even opens one of my daily newsletter, I get a sense of connection and confidence that my life still has meaning.
Hi Louisa, Your point is well taken - the newsletter has been such a gift in that regard. It definitely is a piece of my purpose and does give my life meaning.
Where in our lives do we still feel useful, connected, or valued?
Not anywhere. Estrangement from my children has hollowed me out!
I started taking improv classes at 85 and am having a blast. It’s a supportive community of extremely diverse people on every dimension.
Hi Joy, That sounds like fun.
Hi! I'm very new on Substack and a very first time visitor to your page. My name is Maria and please permit me this caveat as it's important for everyone to know- although I'm in my early 60s, I did not grow up with a computer in my classroms. To this day, I remain basically most things tech/ computer ILLITERATE. That is by choice. I don't care for mechanical or engineering related academics nor do even really understand much about science even at the basic core. I went college in my late 40s and got an advanced degree in my mid 50s with a remarkable GPA, however, I almost had a nervous breakdown not learning Advanced Statistics, Economic, or the like, but rather Basic Windows, Microsoft Word, Excel, and such. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!
However, after I lost my only child, and her father and I were unable to survive it- I realized that my biggest fear ( and what kept me with him at the end) was the fear of dying alone. Once I became very ill and realized how useless he was after 27 years, that was no longer a problem. I RAN AWAY FAST. The worse problem was having no purpose! I realized that age plays no role in that. My disability was just the same. I spent 6 weeks I'm the hospital without a visitor. I was unable to walk. They put me on oxygen and said I would NEVER LIVE WITHOUT IT! The tank weighed more than I did. I never went back to the home we shared from the hospital stay. I was only 55 years old but I felt like I was 90. It would take me half an hour to get up 1 flight of stairs. It's the only time in my life that my thoughts became dark. I don't know how to survive without a purpose. THATS A VERY BIG PROBLEM for many people, I bet! I'm currently fully disabled and I never stop. I work through the night often preparing people for their litigation for government services, family court, health insurance, you name it. They are systematically taking all the free supports away by demolishing the funding for non profits. But people need help.
Your part helped me today to go out and help 5 other people. It's really is mysterious how intricate and NOT random life is. How we really do hear what we're supposed to hear when we most need to hear it in places we never expected. Many people say these things are merely coincidences and we as humans have the ability to connect 2 completely unrelated events just because we have such a gross need to attach some type of meaning to EVERYTHING. I have BELIEVED THE EXACT OPPOSITE ALL OF MY LIFE and with good reason. There are things that I have survived and miracles that I have witnessed ALL OVER THIS PLANET that could NEVER HAVE COME TO FRUITION BY A MERE SET OF COINCIDENCES. Only such a specific set of circumstanstances had to take place over a long period of time to get to the exact ending, the miracle, that I've witnessed. What a disservice not to notice that something bigger than ourselves has been here with us Always and always will be.
Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us! It means a great deal to me and to many , many others as well, I'm sure of it.
I am sorry that Grace and Sharron feel this way . And I hope that somehow things improve . Guessing it depends upon our ages …. 77 is still young , comparatively speaking .
Personally I will continue to feel useful and valuable as long as I’m mobile. When movement fails , I fear the worst.
Hi Karen, while I am still physically mobile, no longer driving has curtailed me to a degree.
Regarding irrelevance, I find that being "invisible" is so difficult. People seem to look right past me as if I weren't there. Sometimes even with family, whom I adore, I am rarely addressed - hugged, loved, fed, yes, but still it is as if they think I have nothing left to contribute to the conversations... And I sure do. I have many many decades full of interesting stories.... sigh
Hi Sharron, I was very involved with my family through the years. We lived next door to our grandsons for nine years, the older one lived with us as he went to college, my son lived within visiting distance until he moved out of state. They all remain wonderful and we are close but at the same time and rightfully so they have their own lives and I'm not involved as I was - I'm a different generation, can't do as much, and am a step out. I hadn't expected how much I would miss that.
I feel useful because I am a kind of mentor for a number of people as part of an organization I belong to, something I can do on the phone or through zoom. These almost daily interactions havereally made me feel connected, despite being limited by health issues from much public engagement. In addition, as in indie author who is always working on various aspects of this post-retirement career (research, writing, publishing, marketing) I not only am busy, but the responses by fans of my writing certainly do make me feel valued. As I am sure you have discovered, every time a substack subscriber likes, comments, or even opens one of my daily newsletter, I get a sense of connection and confidence that my life still has meaning.
Hi Louisa, Your point is well taken - the newsletter has been such a gift in that regard. It definitely is a piece of my purpose and does give my life meaning.