Victim No More
Three years ago, when I became a widow and was on my own for the first time, I had a choice to make - was I going to be a victim of this new situation, or would I conquer it - somehow? Since then, I’ve been on a quest to conquer.
It is said that:
A victim focuses on outward pressures, and a victor focuses on inward confidence. Someone with a victim mentality only sees the problems around them. On the other hand, someone with a victor mentality will look within themselves to find solutions and carry on.
According to the Forbes website, the classic victim behavior often includes the following:
Constant excuses and complaints
False blames and promises
Fear of making mistakes and commitments
Belief in quick shortcuts and outcomes
Lost resources of time and energy
Learning without applying new knowledge
Lack of self-confidence and self-efficacy
Three years ago, I was scared of making mistakes, looking for the easy way out, and lacking self-confidence in what I did. Somehow, I decided to take charge - to adopt a victor mentality without knowing precisely what it meant.
What I found was that a victor mentality includes:
taking responsibility when things go wrong
looking ahead with optimism and hope
seeing talented people as potential teammates
are aware of their need to continue to develop and grow
seeing challenges as an opportunity to overcome adversity
planning for the future
regularly doing the hard thing
One action the article focused on was using positive self-talk or being my coach rather than a critic. I’ve discussed this topic in various articles as I try to learn for myself. I found the following quote somewhere.
If people don’t manage their internal dialogue, they almost guarantee a lack of motivation and achievement. So, it’s a good idea to ask this question: Do I benefit from having this specific thought?
The article that initiated my exploration of these two mentalities was “Never Hurry, Never Worry; Shifting from Victim to Victor. The author offered wise ideas such as mastering your mornings, performing acts of kindness, and doing more things that make you feel alive.
Another website offers several good reminders.
Be grateful instead of resentful - finding at least one good thing in every situation.
Focus on being proactive instead of making excuses - complaining without proposing a solution is useless.
Look for a win-win solution for all involved.
Celebrate other's success - shifting my attitude can benefit my well-being.
Accept the fact that life is unfair -paying attention to what I can change.
Adopt a positive attitude -finding one good thing to focus on and be grateful for during a negative situation. Once this becomes a habit, I’ll find more good things.
Get outside my comfort zone - getting outside of one’s comfort zone is difficult because it's comfortable. Who wants to be uncomfortable? But then, who wants to feel stuck?
If you’ve been reading the newsletter for a while, you know this is a work in progress, but I’m persistently moving forward - taking another step in the direction I want to go.
P.S. Thanks for reading Aging Well News! If you know someone who might like this article, please forward it or share it below.
If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimer's Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.
Three years ago, I became a widow - on my own for the first time. I had a choice - was I going to be a victim of this situation, or would I conquer it - somehow?
I love how you specifically laid out the characteristics of a victim or a victor, especially how it relates to the loss of a loved one. This is so important, thank you for sharing everything you've learned Janice.