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Janice Walton's avatar

Three years ago, I became a widow - on my own for the first time. I had a choice - was I going to be a victim of this situation, or would I conquer it - somehow?

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Donna McArthur's avatar

I love how you specifically laid out the characteristics of a victim or a victor, especially how it relates to the loss of a loved one. This is so important, thank you for sharing everything you've learned Janice.

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Patricia Cusack's avatar

I love your attitude and the fact that you're working on your inner dialogue (me too!). It's not easy moving from being part of a couple to facing life alone but you are doing it so positively! An inspirational post, I enjoyed it very much, Janice.

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Janice Walton's avatar

Hi Patricia, It is a work in progress . .there are certainly down days mixed in, but it is the right direction I think. That inner dialogue is a big challenge.

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Sharron Bassano's avatar

I have been working on self-talk so long, I no longer have to analyze. My encouraging self-talk is reduced to two mantras ( and I find I have to say them every day about something): 1.) What is the worst thing that can happen and can I live with it? and 2.) You got this! I like your statement, Janice : "I’m persistently moving forward - taking another step in the direction I want to go." Can you share a time with us when you moved backward and overcame it?

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Janice Walton's avatar

Hi Sharron, It has to do with turning the self-talk around, reminding myself of my intentions, asking for internal guidance, and reminding myself "I can do it." Equivalent to your "I've got this" statement. And as you say, I have to do it frequently.

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Val Spiers's avatar

It’s amazing that we can become a different person by thinking differently. I still tend to think my old thoughts but they pass quickly as I concentrate on my prepared thoughts. It gets easier with practice. I love that the research is so readily available. I am in the process of deciding I want to be something. I then work out what I need to do to be that and I practice doing those things. When I feel unsure I go over my notes to get back on track. I am determined to keep improving. I keep finding new traits I want to develop. I am inspired to keep improving when I read about you being successful. I know it is working for me but it’s still nice to be reassured that I am doing the right things.

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Janice Walton's avatar

Hi Val, What a great plan. Thank you for sharing it. Like you, I am determined to keep improving and keep finding new areas to work on..

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Heather Brebaugh's avatar

We can be our own worst inner critic or our own best Jiminy Cricket. Your newsletter is full of hope and possibilities, Janice. I enjoy reading about your 'progress' and ideas, always.

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Janice Walton's avatar

Thank you Heather. It is a work in progress for sure. I like that - my own "Jiminy Cricket." I had completely forgotten about him.

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Karen Kenworthy's avatar

So helpful and insightful!!! I’m going to use all these suggestions! When you mentioned you’re using self-talk and are being your own coach rather than your own critic, it reminded me of what Monica Lewinsky described when she did a psychological exercise in which she had to say to another person, the things she had been saying to herself, about herself. She was horrified to say things so harsh and critical to any other person but, she had found it acceptable to say those things to her self. 😘

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Janice Walton's avatar

Hi Karen, What a perfect example.

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CStitt's avatar

I enjoy everything you write.

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Janice Walton's avatar

Hi, That is so nice to hear. Thank you!

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Joan Stommen's avatar

So glad to have found your site here, Janice! Cheers to active aging! 😊

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