On To Solutions
I’ve often written about acceptance and my reluctance to accept certain events. I could acknowledge the facts - but being at peace or OK with them was another story.
A change is percolating. I gained several new insights recently. One came from the Tiny Buddha’s Inner Strength Journal. The author suggested focusing on solutions
to stop dwelling on things you can’t control and take responsibility for what’s within your power enables you to better adapt to change and cope with hardship.
My definition of acceptance was discouraging action, leading to stagnation and - a “woe is me” attitude.
Depending on the circumstances, acceptance alone offers no solution, only more pain in the form of:
Self-loathing
Self-pity
Depression
Helplessness
Anxiety
Resentment
I’ve experienced all of them in the past several years. So here is my current thinking.
Acceptance doesn’t have to be the end. It can mean acknowledging the truth—this situation exists - and - it can be a catalyst for change.
If I consider acceptance as something that leads me to look at solutions ; then my focal point changes.
I was stuck - trying to accept that Dan was not here. But asking myself , “now, what am I going to do about it?” opens the door to choices and possibilities.
As the quote says
Today, I can’t change the facts - even though I’d like to. I felt like a victim of circumstances - his death wasn’t fair, and “they” should have done this or that. However, what is - is, he is no longer physically here.
Asking myself, “now what I am going to do about it?” moves my thinking from “poor me” to thinking about living life given this reality.
Then I am at a crossroads -will I continue thinking about ‘poor me’ or put on my big girl pants and take charge? OK - OK I, choose the latter. That’s what Dan would want. I have no doubt.
If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimers Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.
Just this past week I read Viktor Frankl "Man's Search for Meaning" wherein he describes his and others search for meaning while in a German concentration camp. As I read I went back to our definition of acceptance, (I came up with the same one before I read yours) and added, more giving in, not giving up. I agree this definition can lead to all the things you listed. I have more thought processes to go through to crank out the final words, but in the despair that must have been so prevalent in the camp, Viktor saw hope as the small ray of something to believe in that made the difference between survival and just giving up. We have this amazing opportunity to come through this (these) trouble(s) with success. Keep on keeping on. Hope
As a child living in a chaotic, volatile home, I learned early on I had to accept the way things were, that I could not control it. But there were things I COULD control. I could keep my own room tidy, fold the socks and underwear neatly in the proper drawer, line up my brush and comb on the window sill, alphabetize my books in their apple crate, etc. These were in my control. It added a blessed measure of predictability to my otherwise unpredictable life. This philosophy followed me into my adult life. As you say, "Asking myself, “now what I am going to do about it?” moves my thinking from “poor me” to thinking about living life given this reality. Beautifully said, Janice.