Just this past week I read Viktor Frankl "Man's Search for Meaning" wherein he describes his and others search for meaning while in a German concentration camp. As I read I went back to our definition of acceptance, (I came up with the same one before I read yours) and added, more giving in, not giving up. I agree this definition can lead to all the things you listed. I have more thought processes to go through to crank out the final words, but in the despair that must have been so prevalent in the camp, Viktor saw hope as the small ray of something to believe in that made the difference between survival and just giving up. We have this amazing opportunity to come through this (these) trouble(s) with success. Keep on keeping on. Hope
Again perfect scenarios to so many situations! It is so clear to me when you spell them out and I truly think about your words! I believe my thought process is on the same path but sometimes it is difficult for me to verbalize what I am feeling. Thank you for your contributions to us to jump start our feelings into action!
As a child living in a chaotic, volatile home, I learned early on I had to accept the way things were, that I could not control it. But there were things I COULD control. I could keep my own room tidy, fold the socks and underwear neatly in the proper drawer, line up my brush and comb on the window sill, alphabetize my books in their apple crate, etc. These were in my control. It added a blessed measure of predictability to my otherwise unpredictable life. This philosophy followed me into my adult life. As you say, "Asking myself, “now what I am going to do about it?” moves my thinking from “poor me” to thinking about living life given this reality. Beautifully said, Janice.
Thank you Kevin. I was about eight. I never knew what I would find "out there", but in my room, every thing was in order and stable. That, and having a loving mother brought me through just fine. I have had a really great life!
We seem to think that if we accept something it means we are okay with it. But, as you said Janice, this is not the case. I believe emotional maturity lies in accepting what is really happening, even if it totally sucks, as truth. From that point we can move on. Acceptance does not necessarily mean we think it's ok, rather that we choose to rise above.
I need to work on this!
I find this to also be the case with grief in our culture. It's as if our society teaches us that we have to completely fall apart to demonstrate how much we loved our person when they pass. There is an underlying cultural expectation to act a certain way when grieving without recognizing that we can deeply, wholeheartedly miss someone and feel like a part of us is missing, yet experience joy at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.
Hi Donna, That's exactly where I was stuck - if I were accepting Dan's death, I was okay with it - I wasn't and I'm not. I first began to look at things differently based on what Amanda Knox's comments (https://agingwell.news/p/how-do-i-make-life-worth-living) - all her wishes and hopes were irrelevant - this was her life today. When I learned the phrase - "now what I am going to do about it?" I was able to change my focus and my frame of mind.
Now acceptance comes in your last statements -I wholeheartedly miss Dan, don't like the fact he's not here, and can still have a fulfilling life.
Just this past week I read Viktor Frankl "Man's Search for Meaning" wherein he describes his and others search for meaning while in a German concentration camp. As I read I went back to our definition of acceptance, (I came up with the same one before I read yours) and added, more giving in, not giving up. I agree this definition can lead to all the things you listed. I have more thought processes to go through to crank out the final words, but in the despair that must have been so prevalent in the camp, Viktor saw hope as the small ray of something to believe in that made the difference between survival and just giving up. We have this amazing opportunity to come through this (these) trouble(s) with success. Keep on keeping on. Hope
HI Dale, I have read Viktor's book, a couple of times. I don't know how he did it.
Again perfect scenarios to so many situations! It is so clear to me when you spell them out and I truly think about your words! I believe my thought process is on the same path but sometimes it is difficult for me to verbalize what I am feeling. Thank you for your contributions to us to jump start our feelings into action!
Hi Karen, and thank you. This is all a learning process and "uncharted territory" for me as well. Putting these ideas into words helps me understand.
As a child living in a chaotic, volatile home, I learned early on I had to accept the way things were, that I could not control it. But there were things I COULD control. I could keep my own room tidy, fold the socks and underwear neatly in the proper drawer, line up my brush and comb on the window sill, alphabetize my books in their apple crate, etc. These were in my control. It added a blessed measure of predictability to my otherwise unpredictable life. This philosophy followed me into my adult life. As you say, "Asking myself, “now what I am going to do about it?” moves my thinking from “poor me” to thinking about living life given this reality. Beautifully said, Janice.
That’s amazing you were able to take that approach. How old were you when you learned to focus on what you could control?
Thank you Kevin. I was about eight. I never knew what I would find "out there", but in my room, every thing was in order and stable. That, and having a loving mother brought me through just fine. I have had a really great life!
Hi Sharron, That is such a tough lesson for a youngster to have to learn. I am beginning to think it's the only way to survive.
Good for you! I'm trying to come to that mindset. Some days I even succeed! ❤️
And many times I don't. . . but I figure it's a goal worth pursuing.
We seem to think that if we accept something it means we are okay with it. But, as you said Janice, this is not the case. I believe emotional maturity lies in accepting what is really happening, even if it totally sucks, as truth. From that point we can move on. Acceptance does not necessarily mean we think it's ok, rather that we choose to rise above.
I need to work on this!
I find this to also be the case with grief in our culture. It's as if our society teaches us that we have to completely fall apart to demonstrate how much we loved our person when they pass. There is an underlying cultural expectation to act a certain way when grieving without recognizing that we can deeply, wholeheartedly miss someone and feel like a part of us is missing, yet experience joy at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.
Hi Donna, That's exactly where I was stuck - if I were accepting Dan's death, I was okay with it - I wasn't and I'm not. I first began to look at things differently based on what Amanda Knox's comments (https://agingwell.news/p/how-do-i-make-life-worth-living) - all her wishes and hopes were irrelevant - this was her life today. When I learned the phrase - "now what I am going to do about it?" I was able to change my focus and my frame of mind.
Now acceptance comes in your last statements -I wholeheartedly miss Dan, don't like the fact he's not here, and can still have a fulfilling life.