About a year ago, I wrote the article, Don’t Call Me an Old Lady. Today, I want to add “then don’t act like one.” What?????
It’s true, I am 84 years old, but I don’t want someone to assume that I need help crossing the street or going to a restroom - just because of my age.
True, I’m not as quick as I used to be. I get turned around and forget what I’m doing at times. On the other hand, I can walk 5 miles, use an iPad, iPhone, and Mac, and manage most household chores.
Some 84-year-olds need others to care for them. Other don’t, but if someone does it for them - even out of thoughtfulness - they can lose their confidence and ability to do so.
I firmly believe the old saying
My family and I have a deal, I do my best at something - say fixing a computer problem and if I haven’t figured it out - then they will help me. But the help is always in the form of me learning how.
But I have to look at myself, too. Am I acting as if I need help and can’t handle things? What message am I giving about my capabilities?
Two stories come to mind.
I worked at a police department. A nearby department had a case that involved a serial rapist. His victims were female students at a local university. The department assigned a female officer as a decoy to catch the offender, but he ignored her.
Police caught him, and during the interrogation, they asked him why he didn’t attack her - she looked like the victims. He responded with phrases like, “she was too aware,” “looked around,” and “knew what was going on.”
I took a self-defense class many years ago - to this day, I watch, notice if someone is too close, and listen. Dan almost paid the price. I was walking to the train station after a meeting in downtown San Francisco. Not a safe neighborhood at the time.
He also worked in San Francisco and knew about the appointment, so he decided to give me a ride home. I felt his presence walking up behind me. Every muscle in my body tensed as I prepared to defend myself with my newly acquired skills - fortunately, I looked first.
So, even though I’m older, I know to provide a message of capability with my presence. I am conscientious about avoiding scams, phishing, and hacking, but I learned the hard way. In many ways, I am giving the right message.
My “old lady” message comes through when I ask others to solve a problem for me without attempting to figure it out first or relying on “their opinion” rather than listening to my sense of the situation, and doing my research.
I think about Dan’s hospital stay. I strongly felt that the medication they gave him was too much for someone who took none, but I said nothing. He said, “Take me to the emergency room,” and I did. The staff in the emergency room said, “Take him to the hospital,” and I did. Doctors said, “He has to have surgery,” and I asked when.
I never questioned, gave additional information, or advocated for him as I would today.
So, I can say don’t treat me like an old lady, but I also have to say, “Janice, don’t act like one.” It’s part of aging well.
The Politics of Ageism - Chronological age should not matter. It’s more about competence and clear thinking.
Why You Need a Life Journey - Something to consider.
If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimers Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.
It sounds like you are aging well. Being able to walk five miles is really impressive at 84.
Love this. “Capability with presence” and your wanting to always try first to fix something are the hallmarks of a strong, proud, confident woman who never liked hearing the words “no” or “can’t.”