Hi Heather, Yes, I know of her work. Thanks for reminding me and for mentioning it. Those four questions can be such a helpful tool in sorting things out, as you say.
Such great information to stay able to do the caregiving that one may be called upon to do. We can learn so much from others who have 'been there' as the saying goes. When I started caring for my much-loved parents, I knew nothing about aging. Not about my own aging, or theirs. I was all wrapped up in my business which I also loved. My parents had good health well into their late 70s. They lived a few hours away, near the rest of my siblings and their families. I became aware that my parents could use some help on a visit. That lead to the next 10 years of my life learning to care for them, and care for myself at the same time. Your list covers so much that gets skipped over when one is just trying to make it through each day, often running on fumes. I believe part of what is so exhausting is that there is so much to learn. It is a crash course in getting up to speed on who your loved one is right now, the best way to engage with them and what is really going on. I learned so much from the professional caregivers who sometimes helped me. I would encourage anyone doing caregiving to at least occasionally, have outside help. These people can help in so many ways. Of course, not all caregivers are the same. It is best to ask for recommendations from family and friends as well as your local hospital. There are many books and websites that can also be enlightening. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself. Far from it, remind yourself each day of the ways you can lighten your load with a little strategy. You are carrying a heavy load for both you and your loved one.
Hi Sandy, Your post says it all. I agree outside help is so important and it is also important to identify who or what the caregiver can count on. Maybe, the support could be in running errands for the caregiver, or doing some of the household chores.
The whole idea of 'it's my job and I can handle it', is untrue and unfair. Maybe we can handle some situations, but not all of them.
I think the first step is to say to yourself, "Is it true" that 'it's my job and I can handle it'.? If we are honest with ourselves, the answer may be 'No'.
That removes the guilt and shame that we place on ourselves when confronted with these situations. Once we decide that it's not true, then we can find solutions to manage the situation.
Hi Heather, You make a very good point. I certainly bought into that myth the entire time. I should be handle to manage and not share our situation with others - although it was apparent.
Hi Janice. Are you familiar with Byron Katie? She wrote "The Work", which is all about questioning beliefs that we have been told are true, but may not be. Her book helped me examine a lot of beliefs that had been ingrained in me over time. Very refreshing. 💚
PS - I love everything you are posting. You are making a difference for others.
Yikes, that's some hard-hitting research made all the more difficult because most caregivers want to be in that role or don't have many other viable options. The list you give is amazing, thank you. You have no idea how much this helps people Janice.
It's true, some folks are really stuck in a role they may not have chosen. I sure was and if they can even accomplish some of them, they may be in a better place.
I appreciate your posts. I am caregiver for my mother who lives with me. She is on a slow decline and sometimes it’s hard for me to see just where we are. The thing I’m having the most trouble with is getting help. I do not have family members who can or will give me the help I need and I’m resistant to inviting a stranger into my home, especially to leave my mother with someone while I go somewhere else. I keep thinking it through and trying to figure out how to make that work. I’m also not getting enough exercise but that should be an easier fix. Thank you for the encouragement you provide.
Debbie, You bring up a valid concern - getting help. Could the "stranger" be a friend first until you and your mother feel comfortable with that person? Is there a church group, neighbors, or an agency where volunteers might help in someway - if you trusted them? I live in California and they have the CA Department of Aging website, https://aging.ca.gov/. Maybe your state has something like that and you would find helpful resources.
I have connected with an organization here that has been very helpful. They gave me a long list of organizations and I just need to make the next step, I guess. They also offer counseling which I may take advantage of.
Hi Cali, I'm so glad to hear that Graham is coming home. It sounds like you have time to get things, services, and help in place - and are doing just that.
The statistics you started with are absolutely frightening! Excellent read, and thank you for helping awareness. Care-giving isn't for the faint of heart.
Always so helpful, Janice. I am not in a caregiving position now, but someday I may be again --and I will be better prepared, thanks to you! You know what I would like? I would like it if you could add a little story about your life with Dan to your posts. They would be so interesting to me -- and no doubt inspiring! Just a thought.
Sharron, I love that idea. FYI, there are posts coming about my police department experiences, and what I was doing the night of the Loma Prieta earthquake. Were you in the Santa Cruz area then and what memories do you have?
I am delighted to hear we may get some more personal anecdotes! As far as the quake of '89 goes, Santa Cruz, as you know, was hard hit. That is a story I myself should think about. I was in southern Italy when I saw the headlines. Took days to reach my family by phone. A frightening time.
What are you doing to care of yourself today emotionally, spiritually, physically, psychologically and practically?
Hi Heather, Yes, I know of her work. Thanks for reminding me and for mentioning it. Those four questions can be such a helpful tool in sorting things out, as you say.
Such great information to stay able to do the caregiving that one may be called upon to do. We can learn so much from others who have 'been there' as the saying goes. When I started caring for my much-loved parents, I knew nothing about aging. Not about my own aging, or theirs. I was all wrapped up in my business which I also loved. My parents had good health well into their late 70s. They lived a few hours away, near the rest of my siblings and their families. I became aware that my parents could use some help on a visit. That lead to the next 10 years of my life learning to care for them, and care for myself at the same time. Your list covers so much that gets skipped over when one is just trying to make it through each day, often running on fumes. I believe part of what is so exhausting is that there is so much to learn. It is a crash course in getting up to speed on who your loved one is right now, the best way to engage with them and what is really going on. I learned so much from the professional caregivers who sometimes helped me. I would encourage anyone doing caregiving to at least occasionally, have outside help. These people can help in so many ways. Of course, not all caregivers are the same. It is best to ask for recommendations from family and friends as well as your local hospital. There are many books and websites that can also be enlightening. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself. Far from it, remind yourself each day of the ways you can lighten your load with a little strategy. You are carrying a heavy load for both you and your loved one.
Hi Sandy, Your post says it all. I agree outside help is so important and it is also important to identify who or what the caregiver can count on. Maybe, the support could be in running errands for the caregiver, or doing some of the household chores.
The whole idea of 'it's my job and I can handle it', is untrue and unfair. Maybe we can handle some situations, but not all of them.
I think the first step is to say to yourself, "Is it true" that 'it's my job and I can handle it'.? If we are honest with ourselves, the answer may be 'No'.
That removes the guilt and shame that we place on ourselves when confronted with these situations. Once we decide that it's not true, then we can find solutions to manage the situation.
Hi Heather, You make a very good point. I certainly bought into that myth the entire time. I should be handle to manage and not share our situation with others - although it was apparent.
Hi Janice. Are you familiar with Byron Katie? She wrote "The Work", which is all about questioning beliefs that we have been told are true, but may not be. Her book helped me examine a lot of beliefs that had been ingrained in me over time. Very refreshing. 💚
PS - I love everything you are posting. You are making a difference for others.
Yikes, that's some hard-hitting research made all the more difficult because most caregivers want to be in that role or don't have many other viable options. The list you give is amazing, thank you. You have no idea how much this helps people Janice.
It's true, some folks are really stuck in a role they may not have chosen. I sure was and if they can even accomplish some of them, they may be in a better place.
Your post really says it all! I know it will help others in their caregiving.
I appreciate your posts. I am caregiver for my mother who lives with me. She is on a slow decline and sometimes it’s hard for me to see just where we are. The thing I’m having the most trouble with is getting help. I do not have family members who can or will give me the help I need and I’m resistant to inviting a stranger into my home, especially to leave my mother with someone while I go somewhere else. I keep thinking it through and trying to figure out how to make that work. I’m also not getting enough exercise but that should be an easier fix. Thank you for the encouragement you provide.
Debbie, You bring up a valid concern - getting help. Could the "stranger" be a friend first until you and your mother feel comfortable with that person? Is there a church group, neighbors, or an agency where volunteers might help in someway - if you trusted them? I live in California and they have the CA Department of Aging website, https://aging.ca.gov/. Maybe your state has something like that and you would find helpful resources.
I have connected with an organization here that has been very helpful. They gave me a long list of organizations and I just need to make the next step, I guess. They also offer counseling which I may take advantage of.
Debbie, What a great start. My hope is that you find the resources and support you need to help you best.
Brilliant tips Janice. Thank you. In a few months Graham will be home from hospital and I will be a care-giver. I'm preparing now!
Hi Cali, I'm so glad to hear that Graham is coming home. It sounds like you have time to get things, services, and help in place - and are doing just that.
The statistics you started with are absolutely frightening! Excellent read, and thank you for helping awareness. Care-giving isn't for the faint of heart.
Hi Patti, Aren't they? I totally agree, care-giving takes a lot more than it seems on the surface and most people don't realize it.
Understatement... until you experience it, does the magnitude of responsibility becomes real.
Hi Patti , So very true.
Always so helpful, Janice. I am not in a caregiving position now, but someday I may be again --and I will be better prepared, thanks to you! You know what I would like? I would like it if you could add a little story about your life with Dan to your posts. They would be so interesting to me -- and no doubt inspiring! Just a thought.
Sharron, I love that idea. FYI, there are posts coming about my police department experiences, and what I was doing the night of the Loma Prieta earthquake. Were you in the Santa Cruz area then and what memories do you have?
I am delighted to hear we may get some more personal anecdotes! As far as the quake of '89 goes, Santa Cruz, as you know, was hard hit. That is a story I myself should think about. I was in southern Italy when I saw the headlines. Took days to reach my family by phone. A frightening time.
It was that.