Good morning . I think I’ve just found some folks I’d like to connect with. I just subscribed to your newsletter Janice. I am 78. Much of what you wrote really resonates with me. Thank you. Just about two months ago, I was going thru a tough time trying to care for my husband, hitting a couple of roadblocks, becoming very angry about the whole situation- when a thought came to me: “ wait, you’re older now, wiser, you don’t have to react the same way you did 40 years ago. You have choices”. I really liked that. It helped me deal with things better. Linda
As an 84 year old just published author of Authentic Aging, also on Amazon, I find many truths in what you’re describing. Luckily, I never felt the need or desire to rage. Never. Does that mean that I’m a “sit on the sidelines?” Hell! No. Last year I took both a cruise across the Atlantic; then a south Mediterranean cruise; flew to Chicago for a two week visit with my grands; then to Oxford for a two week class on Shakespeare. Solo!
I’ll be going to NYC to see three “hot” plays later this year; then fly to Chicago for some extended time with my grands. I’m grateful that my health is relatively good; I’m grateful that my mental faculties are still sharp; and I’m grateful that both my daughter and her family invite me into their lives!
Also 87, also psychotherapist, also wrote a book (actually 2) last year that are on Amazon: "From There to Here: An Alphabet Memoir," and "From Here to Beyond." One of Melinda Blau's "old ladies." Also Widow, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. Also writing on Substack for the past several years (my publication is "From There to Here" and I write on Medium as well. We still have a lot to offer, but the one thing I'm aware of, and that is that we (of our generation) can injure ourselves by trying to do (physically) what we used to do. I've had two falls which thank God didn't kill me, break a hip or even a. bone! But I had a wound on my tibia that didn't heal for 4 1/2 months and required a few days in the hospital for IV antibiotics. My mantra: "don't fall!" I am still seeing clients part time (virtually), writing, and getting through my day which takes a lot longer than it used to. I think "sageing" is a good idea for those of us who still have all our marbles, a lot of experience, curiosity and much to offer. And of course, there are those less fortunate who are aging is less favorable circumstances. So don't pay attention to John's remark about "clueless:" Fortunate doesn't equal "clueless." You are anything but "clueless." I too have witnessed the ravages of poverty, poor health and isolation, and not only among the elderly. It doesn't mean that's where you are or that you're unaware that the less fortunate exist.
Hi Patricia, you have voiced my sentiments exactly. Most of my counseling career was spent working in low-income, poverty-stricken neighborhoods, so I've witnessed firsthand the downside of life, which I suppose shapes my desire to give back by sharing what I have learned with others.
I am 68 and I understand both the struggle for seniors, especially at this time in the U.S. We cannot deny what is happening now, and actually what has been happening to seniors for many years.
When I was 11, my grandmother came to live with us after my grandfather died. There was no question that would be the case. My mother was an only child. I never even heard of nursing homes.
Reading Dr. Walton's piece, I would love to see people in nursing homes would have this kind of encouragement.
I have gotten into AI imaging because my fingers don't work anymore like they used to when I would draw. I love to write, my keyboard helps me because holding the pen or pencil, my hands go numb.
I know someone who uses a microphone on the computer because he can't feel the keyboard of neuropathy.
Little things mean a lot. Helping now where we can is important.
No doubt our country is in trouble, we need to start somewhere.
Hi Marge, my husband was in a seemingly lovely memory care facility for five months before he died. I saw how that went. Were I to run my own home, it would be a very different story,
.
I know what you mean about the fingers. I've recently switched from acrylic painting to colored pencils because my brushwork was too shaky. I didn't know of AI imaging, something to keep in mind.
I tend to agree, more than ever, seniors need to advocate for themselves.
Very sorry for your loss. I believe caregivers work very hard. I have a friend who takes care of them at their homes. She worked in a nursing home and there is no comparison to the care she can give in their homes.
I have another friend who just lost her mother in a nursing home who had dementia. She was immobile at the end, yet died of a head injury.
A serious look and changes need to be made, I don’t see that happening.
I found that change is part of living. When I think of my own marriage — not as long as yours, but fifty years — I've always said that I've been married six or seven times, but to the same woman. What I mean by that is it has constantly required me to reinvent myself, to change and modify, to accommodate the fact that everyone around me is changing, and I am changing too.
I find that true in everything — my career, my relationships, and yes, some of my physical activities—each of them has changed as I have. This never stops, and it’s not always easy, but it is important and valuable — and honestly, the only way I can advance and grow through life.
I wish you the best, and I appreciate what you are sharing. It resonated with me.
Hi James, Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a great way of thinking about being married six or seven times to the same person as you grow and change. It's very true, now I think about it.
I find this kind of well-intentioned but clueless approach to aging rather naive. “Aging” is not “sage-ing” for many elders. It certainly is not the case for many, many more elders than this writer appears to have experience of. An elder’s final years, in this American societal catastrophe of late-stage capitalism, are very deeply affected by the presence or absence of sufficient financial, healthcare, and familial resources. In my own professional career (I, too, am a PhD) in social work, I saw and dealt first-hand with the ravages of poverty, poor health, and isolation among elders (among their myriad other psychosocial problems). Spend time in your local department of geriatric social services. You might have a more realistic understanding of aging in America.
Hi John, Your point is well taken. Sage-ing is certainly not a possibility for many elders. I'm fortunate enough to consider it, and maybe something I've learned in my 87 years of life can help others - that's a purpose that keeps me going.
Dr. Doherty ~ I don't think Dr. Walton is clueless. I think she's writing for a certain audience like me who isn't ravaged by poverty, poor health and isolation. Obviously, by the number of her subscribers, there are a lot of us. As a retired teacher living on a pension, I find her approach to aging very realistic and helpful. I wish I could actually spend time with her, but this newsletter will have to do. Thanks, Janice. xoxo
Not clueless, John, but just one person’s life experiences and lessons. We all have to formulate our own ways and experiences in our OWN unique ways. It doesn’t take higher education either to know these things…..the biggest thing I am finding, is getting my PhD in the Art of Letting Go….. and New Discoveries in living with the dawn of a New Era. Take care…..
Realistic? Naive? Perhaps you should take this a bit further and explain what you think the purpose of life is. Yes, there is much negative reality we face and reason to worry about the fate of others. But if our chips have been on happiness and fulfillment all our years there is nothing wrong with finally cashing them in. Part of that is hopefully using our wisdom, skills and worldly gifts towards helping others who are struggling more. But it is not about denying ourselves the pleasures life offers by “shoulding” others like they may have had enough of by now. Yes, Janice is well intentioned in sharing what she has discovered from this process of aging. It means she does not see it as an end to growth, just a more nuanced approach that is necessitated by change. It is simply a spiritual path. And a gift. This much is certain: She will not be headed to her final destiny having not gained much more wisdom and grace than what she entered it with. And isn’t that the essence of the meaning of life?
Hi Jim, Well said! I have been fortunate in life; I know the suffering others experience, having worked in low-income communities most of my career. My goal is to give back by sharing what I've learned along the way.
I may be the oldest volunteer at our city shelter but do every bit of the physical stuff that most volunteers do not! If I did not know the cats(kitten season now) were waiting for me I would have an unfillable place in my heart! I fostered for over a year and had 14 plus cats and kittens come through my life and tiny condo! I adopted in March and miss fostering although I love my Priscilla cat! Wish I had more room to continue the fostering but doubt that will happen. With the Memorial Day weekend, the CATS! and dogs will be lacking in volunteer touch and I worry about them in this amount of time. I cannot wait to get there on Tuesday so there are things to do but as of late, I’ve had several challenges in past year, one of which I was afraid was going to prevent me from ever being on my feet very much, but I overcame that and I just pray that I can keep going for a while longer with my love… the cat lady ( little dogs) at my beloved place!
Hi Beverly, you and my daughter share similar stories. She fostered kitties for a while, maybe 8, but the last one captured her heart, and she adopted Daisy. It is cat season, and she is considering fostering for a while longer.
What aspects of who we were are we still holding on to—and do they or can they still fit who we are now?
Janice, I want to add you to my old lady brigade!
I love that we can “ relax into changes”, adjust and redefine who we are. Thank you for your honest post.
Me, too! Sage-ing sounds very wise!
Good morning . I think I’ve just found some folks I’d like to connect with. I just subscribed to your newsletter Janice. I am 78. Much of what you wrote really resonates with me. Thank you. Just about two months ago, I was going thru a tough time trying to care for my husband, hitting a couple of roadblocks, becoming very angry about the whole situation- when a thought came to me: “ wait, you’re older now, wiser, you don’t have to react the same way you did 40 years ago. You have choices”. I really liked that. It helped me deal with things better. Linda
Hi Linda, That's the whole idea, I think. Using what we learned along the way and apply it to our situations now.
As an 84 year old just published author of Authentic Aging, also on Amazon, I find many truths in what you’re describing. Luckily, I never felt the need or desire to rage. Never. Does that mean that I’m a “sit on the sidelines?” Hell! No. Last year I took both a cruise across the Atlantic; then a south Mediterranean cruise; flew to Chicago for a two week visit with my grands; then to Oxford for a two week class on Shakespeare. Solo!
I’ll be going to NYC to see three “hot” plays later this year; then fly to Chicago for some extended time with my grands. I’m grateful that my health is relatively good; I’m grateful that my mental faculties are still sharp; and I’m grateful that both my daughter and her family invite me into their lives!
Bravo to you, Eileen. It sounds wonderful.
Also 87, also psychotherapist, also wrote a book (actually 2) last year that are on Amazon: "From There to Here: An Alphabet Memoir," and "From Here to Beyond." One of Melinda Blau's "old ladies." Also Widow, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. Also writing on Substack for the past several years (my publication is "From There to Here" and I write on Medium as well. We still have a lot to offer, but the one thing I'm aware of, and that is that we (of our generation) can injure ourselves by trying to do (physically) what we used to do. I've had two falls which thank God didn't kill me, break a hip or even a. bone! But I had a wound on my tibia that didn't heal for 4 1/2 months and required a few days in the hospital for IV antibiotics. My mantra: "don't fall!" I am still seeing clients part time (virtually), writing, and getting through my day which takes a lot longer than it used to. I think "sageing" is a good idea for those of us who still have all our marbles, a lot of experience, curiosity and much to offer. And of course, there are those less fortunate who are aging is less favorable circumstances. So don't pay attention to John's remark about "clueless:" Fortunate doesn't equal "clueless." You are anything but "clueless." I too have witnessed the ravages of poverty, poor health and isolation, and not only among the elderly. It doesn't mean that's where you are or that you're unaware that the less fortunate exist.
Hi Patricia, you have voiced my sentiments exactly. Most of my counseling career was spent working in low-income, poverty-stricken neighborhoods, so I've witnessed firsthand the downside of life, which I suppose shapes my desire to give back by sharing what I have learned with others.
I am 68 and I understand both the struggle for seniors, especially at this time in the U.S. We cannot deny what is happening now, and actually what has been happening to seniors for many years.
When I was 11, my grandmother came to live with us after my grandfather died. There was no question that would be the case. My mother was an only child. I never even heard of nursing homes.
Reading Dr. Walton's piece, I would love to see people in nursing homes would have this kind of encouragement.
I have gotten into AI imaging because my fingers don't work anymore like they used to when I would draw. I love to write, my keyboard helps me because holding the pen or pencil, my hands go numb.
I know someone who uses a microphone on the computer because he can't feel the keyboard of neuropathy.
Little things mean a lot. Helping now where we can is important.
No doubt our country is in trouble, we need to start somewhere.
Hi Marge, my husband was in a seemingly lovely memory care facility for five months before he died. I saw how that went. Were I to run my own home, it would be a very different story,
.
I know what you mean about the fingers. I've recently switched from acrylic painting to colored pencils because my brushwork was too shaky. I didn't know of AI imaging, something to keep in mind.
I tend to agree, more than ever, seniors need to advocate for themselves.
Very sorry for your loss. I believe caregivers work very hard. I have a friend who takes care of them at their homes. She worked in a nursing home and there is no comparison to the care she can give in their homes.
I have another friend who just lost her mother in a nursing home who had dementia. She was immobile at the end, yet died of a head injury.
A serious look and changes need to be made, I don’t see that happening.
Hi Marge, Nor do I, unfortunately.
Janice, thank you for sharing this.
I found that change is part of living. When I think of my own marriage — not as long as yours, but fifty years — I've always said that I've been married six or seven times, but to the same woman. What I mean by that is it has constantly required me to reinvent myself, to change and modify, to accommodate the fact that everyone around me is changing, and I am changing too.
I find that true in everything — my career, my relationships, and yes, some of my physical activities—each of them has changed as I have. This never stops, and it’s not always easy, but it is important and valuable — and honestly, the only way I can advance and grow through life.
I wish you the best, and I appreciate what you are sharing. It resonated with me.
Hi James, Thank you so much for sharing your story. What a great way of thinking about being married six or seven times to the same person as you grow and change. It's very true, now I think about it.
I find this kind of well-intentioned but clueless approach to aging rather naive. “Aging” is not “sage-ing” for many elders. It certainly is not the case for many, many more elders than this writer appears to have experience of. An elder’s final years, in this American societal catastrophe of late-stage capitalism, are very deeply affected by the presence or absence of sufficient financial, healthcare, and familial resources. In my own professional career (I, too, am a PhD) in social work, I saw and dealt first-hand with the ravages of poverty, poor health, and isolation among elders (among their myriad other psychosocial problems). Spend time in your local department of geriatric social services. You might have a more realistic understanding of aging in America.
Hi John, Your point is well taken. Sage-ing is certainly not a possibility for many elders. I'm fortunate enough to consider it, and maybe something I've learned in my 87 years of life can help others - that's a purpose that keeps me going.
Dr. Doherty ~ I don't think Dr. Walton is clueless. I think she's writing for a certain audience like me who isn't ravaged by poverty, poor health and isolation. Obviously, by the number of her subscribers, there are a lot of us. As a retired teacher living on a pension, I find her approach to aging very realistic and helpful. I wish I could actually spend time with her, but this newsletter will have to do. Thanks, Janice. xoxo
Well said Jan.
xoxo
Not clueless, John, but just one person’s life experiences and lessons. We all have to formulate our own ways and experiences in our OWN unique ways. It doesn’t take higher education either to know these things…..the biggest thing I am finding, is getting my PhD in the Art of Letting Go….. and New Discoveries in living with the dawn of a New Era. Take care…..
“Who finally” asked the Student, “truly knows what ‘the essence of the meaning of life’ is?”
The Philosopher said, “It is only the one who lives that particular life, who knows what it is - for them”.
The Student bowed and walked slowly away and determined to live his one precious life.
Realistic? Naive? Perhaps you should take this a bit further and explain what you think the purpose of life is. Yes, there is much negative reality we face and reason to worry about the fate of others. But if our chips have been on happiness and fulfillment all our years there is nothing wrong with finally cashing them in. Part of that is hopefully using our wisdom, skills and worldly gifts towards helping others who are struggling more. But it is not about denying ourselves the pleasures life offers by “shoulding” others like they may have had enough of by now. Yes, Janice is well intentioned in sharing what she has discovered from this process of aging. It means she does not see it as an end to growth, just a more nuanced approach that is necessitated by change. It is simply a spiritual path. And a gift. This much is certain: She will not be headed to her final destiny having not gained much more wisdom and grace than what she entered it with. And isn’t that the essence of the meaning of life?
Hi Jim, Well said! I have been fortunate in life; I know the suffering others experience, having worked in low-income communities most of my career. My goal is to give back by sharing what I've learned along the way.
Just what I needed to read in order to start this new day with purpose and energy and clarity of what needs doing! Thank you!
Hi, I find that having this purpose is the catalyst that keeps me going.
Enjoyed reading your article. Thank you for the perspectives you provided. And thank you for the term “ saging.” I like it much more than aging.
Hi Kathryn, I, too, like the term "sage-ing" rather than "aging"-it lends meaning to this part of my life.
Thank you for sharing the lessons you’ve learned here and creating an on-line community as we all continue to live fully.
Hi, and that is my goal to continue to live as fully as possible rather than fritter away these final years of my life.
Wonderful thoughts and advice. 👏🥰🙏🏻💐
Thank you, CK.
I may be the oldest volunteer at our city shelter but do every bit of the physical stuff that most volunteers do not! If I did not know the cats(kitten season now) were waiting for me I would have an unfillable place in my heart! I fostered for over a year and had 14 plus cats and kittens come through my life and tiny condo! I adopted in March and miss fostering although I love my Priscilla cat! Wish I had more room to continue the fostering but doubt that will happen. With the Memorial Day weekend, the CATS! and dogs will be lacking in volunteer touch and I worry about them in this amount of time. I cannot wait to get there on Tuesday so there are things to do but as of late, I’ve had several challenges in past year, one of which I was afraid was going to prevent me from ever being on my feet very much, but I overcame that and I just pray that I can keep going for a while longer with my love… the cat lady ( little dogs) at my beloved place!
Hi Beverly, you and my daughter share similar stories. She fostered kitties for a while, maybe 8, but the last one captured her heart, and she adopted Daisy. It is cat season, and she is considering fostering for a while longer.
I like the term "sage-ing". I think I'll use it from now on!
Hi Lena, The first time I heard - I knew it was for me.