Reflecting on Lessons Learned

Insights for a Better Future

Photo by orbtal media on Unsplash

After publishing the previous article, I thought it was time to examine my ideas about life as a widow—did they work as well as I thought, or not so much? This will help me determine my next steps.

What Works

Before Dan died, I started tackling the finances and computer issues—home improvements- not so much, but we lived in an apartment. I’ve learned a lot since then.

My new purpose included spending more time with family, travel, writing, and art - they remain good choices. My family is enormously supportive and includes me in the things they do. So, I’ve been to Hawaii, Alaska, Mexico, British Columbia, and other amazing trips. The newsletter is almost four years old, and the art is coming along.

I miss Dan enormously, but don’t mind living alone. The apartment is quiet, the cats keep me company, and it’s my safe place now.

Maybe I complain and worry, but what needs to be done gets done.

What Hasn’t Worked So Well

I thought that following the dimensions of wellness would allow me to continue at the same pace as four years ago—not really. Despite my best efforts, the body is aging.

One example is pickleball. It was fun but too hard on my knees, so I’m looking for other interesting exercises.

Another idea that hasn’t worked so far is the cooking hobby. I even bought a crockpot and air fryer—they help—but my heart isn't in it after planning and making thousands of meals over the years. No worries, though. There is always DoorDash, Amazon Fresh, restaurants in the area, and Trader Joe’s.

I never anticipated the fear that crept in—the fear of going out by myself, running errands, walking to the park, sitting by the pond, and making decisions. It has lessened over time, and maybe there are valid reasons—my eyes aren’t as good, I might miss something or make a mistake—but still.

I expected to get comfortable with this new life sooner. However, emotions rise regularly: anger at having to take care of everything, loneliness and sadness for the losses, and doubts about my choices.

PLANS FOR AGE 86 AND BEYOND

Based on that information, I decided on four goals and will explore them more next week.

Additional acceptance. I can’t do what I used to; I’m sad about the losses and limitations, but at the same time, life is good. Those are facts.

Looking at what I can and want to do and finding ways to do it. If pickleball isn’t good for my knees, what can I do? If I don’t drive, what are my options?

Learning More. I want to know how artificial intelligence (AI) and social media work, how scammers can take my money, how to use the Internet and the computer better, and how to stay healthy.

Challenge myself to grow. Don’t rely on outdated excuses and justifications; figure things out and stay sharp.

Over the weekend, Karen Smith published a similar article, "What Worked, What Didn’t, and What Now." She challenges readers to ask themselves those three questions repeatedly. That seems like a great approach.

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