A Very Short Visit

Lessons Learned

Photo by Dominik Lange on Unsplash

An assisted living facility four blocks from my daughter's home opened recently. The same company that owns it owns the memory care facility where Dan was four years ago. In theory, it would be the perfect place to go if I needed that level of service. It’s new, close to family, and I’m familiar with their policies.

They had a wine walk last Friday - an introduction to the place and a fundraiser for the Alzheimer’s Association. The walk was a chance to visit, get a sense of the place, and perhaps put my name on a waiting list for the future.

My daughter said she’d go with me; I made reservations. As I was getting ready to go - memories came rushing back from visiting other facilities and experiences when Dan was in memory care.

Still, I was going. We arrived at the appointed time and found a parking spot. We saw the walk; a few people were already there. I was going.

She asked, “Are you sure you want to do this,” I said YES! She found a parking spot, but I'd seen enough before she could open the car door, and we left. I sent the facility a check for the reservations we didn’t keep.

Without a doubt, such facilities are necessary. When Dan was in memory care, the staff didn’t always meet my expectations, but they cared for and kept him safe when I could no longer. It’s also possible my expectations were out of touch with reality.

However, that five-minute visit brought a formidable rush of painful memories, feelings, and fears. Last Friday, I wasn’t ready or prepared to consider it as an option - even for the future.

I’m 85 years old and plan to be independent as long as possible. Yes, I need some help and am fortunate to have it. Maybe I will feel differently or have a greater need in a few years.

There were three positive lessons from the visit, though:

1. My commitment to self-care and aging well is stronger than ever - because, as lovely as the facility is, it may not be for me. But, then again, I can’t say - never - life changes.

2. I must research, visit several sites, and ask more questions before committing to something if I choose an assisted living facility. Maybe I would feel differently somewhere else.

3. If I have a choice, I want to spend the rest of my life somewhere that feels right. It matters.

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