This line made me really feel for you, Janice "but I'd seen enough before she could open the car door, and we left." I understand completely. I myself need to begin researching and visiting local facilities, but I am just dragging my feet. My mom was in a care home for only the last three days of her life. It was the very best facility this county has too offer, and I would rather die than live there...
I struggle as I try to lay out plans to care for myself as I age--in a way that won't derail my children's lives like mine was derailed as my mother faded. I moved her 4 times, including the move to rehab following her stroke. Two of the moves were perfect--to good places that were right for her at the time. Two were painfully wrong, made during emergency moments.
The question remains: how to guide my children to take care of themselves even if I should need care?
Hi Meg, I think it's those emergency moves that can be problematic. We had to find a place for Dan during the pandemic - and I wasn't able to be as selective as I wanted.
You bring ask an important question - and one that I'd like to address in the future - how do I encourage my children to take care of themselves as they take care of me.
You made the right choice! Be proud of yourself. Get the hell away from those people. They will take advantage of anyone they can. At one point in time my dad called those places “They freeway to Forest Lawn.
If the funds are available for you to live in one of those warehouse’s, you have the funds to be cared for at home. I have made it clear that if at anytime my son thought it was a good idea to stick me in a place like that, he would never ever hear from me again.
I have taken care of all types of people. Really sick people. People that don’t know who they are. Unless someone is violent or needs some type of medical equipment that can’t be used at home, never go to one of those dormitories from hell. I have worked with people who have agreed to go as long as I was sent with them. I have seen behind the BS they sell. It is the most money making racket there is.
If you look online for jobs in healthcare, you will see no experience necessary. In order to run these places, you need one RN on each shift during daylight hours. One LVN on each shift. Then one to twelve ratio for HELPERS w/ no experience. State law.
I arrived at one of the “best” in the morning. My lady had fallen and was soiled with dried blood. She had fallen. Patients are to be checked every two hours. What are the chances of dried blood on a nightgown and slippers in 2 hours. None.
If and when you chose to no longer drive or don’t feel steady on your feet for a good walk, you find someone to be a backup for you. Find someone who is 55-60. She can be your extra support. Explain that you are offering a two week period to see how you mesh. If this one isn’t the right one find another and not through an agency that takes your money. People are out there. You just have to look. English as a first language is helpful if you have any hearing problems. I could find you 2-3 right away if you thought you wanted to warm up to the idea. People who care.
Susan, Thank you so much for your informative post! That is my first option, if and when I need that level of care - in-home support. I honestly felt like the assisted living home - as nice as it was - would be a death sentence for me.
Thank you for sharing your personal journey. It helps to hear how others navigate getting older. I found #3 so important for well-being if possible, who knows.
Hi Kathy, It's interesting because I thought this facility would be the ideal solution - in that it was close to family, it was new, and I was familiar with it. I was wrong - it has to feel right, as well.
Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. The more we know the better we are to make an informed choice. We chose to live in a community with all 3 levels - independent, self-contained houses/villas; an assisted living facilty with a resident physician, and final care including memory care. It's here when we need it. They also offer a la carte assisted services as needed in your home. Will we end up here? Who knows as we're somewhat peripatetic. I have lived in 27 different places since getting married the first time and leaving home at age 21. Like many older parents, we don't want our kids (7 in all) to have to worry about caring for us in our later years when we may not be able to manage.
Hi Gary, That really is the ideal way to do it - the three in one facility. My Mom moved to a retirement community in Arizona - she started out in an independent living apartment, but when her health deteriorated she was moved to assisted living where she died.
Our initial search started when we lived in AZ, so many retirees there so lots of facilities and choices. Our first glance was at La Posada in Green Valley, about 15 miles north of where we lived in Tubac. Then, because we had visited Mexico 12-15 times over 25+ years and liked it, S did some research and found where we are now, less costly for sure.
An assisted living facility four blocks from my daughter's home opened recently. At my request, we went. I learned three lessons from our short visit.
This line made me really feel for you, Janice "but I'd seen enough before she could open the car door, and we left." I understand completely. I myself need to begin researching and visiting local facilities, but I am just dragging my feet. My mom was in a care home for only the last three days of her life. It was the very best facility this county has too offer, and I would rather die than live there...
Oh Sharron, That is the way I felt - like it was a death sentence and I ran as fast as I could run to get away..
These decisions are so hard, and I feel with you!
I struggle as I try to lay out plans to care for myself as I age--in a way that won't derail my children's lives like mine was derailed as my mother faded. I moved her 4 times, including the move to rehab following her stroke. Two of the moves were perfect--to good places that were right for her at the time. Two were painfully wrong, made during emergency moments.
The question remains: how to guide my children to take care of themselves even if I should need care?
Thanks for writing!
Hi Meg, I think it's those emergency moves that can be problematic. We had to find a place for Dan during the pandemic - and I wasn't able to be as selective as I wanted.
You bring ask an important question - and one that I'd like to address in the future - how do I encourage my children to take care of themselves as they take care of me.
We know deep down when something is right or not, yet. Well done for recognizing that.
HI Prue, Yes I think we do. I am learning to listen to it more often.
You made the right choice! Be proud of yourself. Get the hell away from those people. They will take advantage of anyone they can. At one point in time my dad called those places “They freeway to Forest Lawn.
If the funds are available for you to live in one of those warehouse’s, you have the funds to be cared for at home. I have made it clear that if at anytime my son thought it was a good idea to stick me in a place like that, he would never ever hear from me again.
I have taken care of all types of people. Really sick people. People that don’t know who they are. Unless someone is violent or needs some type of medical equipment that can’t be used at home, never go to one of those dormitories from hell. I have worked with people who have agreed to go as long as I was sent with them. I have seen behind the BS they sell. It is the most money making racket there is.
If you look online for jobs in healthcare, you will see no experience necessary. In order to run these places, you need one RN on each shift during daylight hours. One LVN on each shift. Then one to twelve ratio for HELPERS w/ no experience. State law.
I arrived at one of the “best” in the morning. My lady had fallen and was soiled with dried blood. She had fallen. Patients are to be checked every two hours. What are the chances of dried blood on a nightgown and slippers in 2 hours. None.
If and when you chose to no longer drive or don’t feel steady on your feet for a good walk, you find someone to be a backup for you. Find someone who is 55-60. She can be your extra support. Explain that you are offering a two week period to see how you mesh. If this one isn’t the right one find another and not through an agency that takes your money. People are out there. You just have to look. English as a first language is helpful if you have any hearing problems. I could find you 2-3 right away if you thought you wanted to warm up to the idea. People who care.
Susan, Thank you so much for your informative post! That is my first option, if and when I need that level of care - in-home support. I honestly felt like the assisted living home - as nice as it was - would be a death sentence for me.
Thank you for sharing your personal journey. It helps to hear how others navigate getting older. I found #3 so important for well-being if possible, who knows.
Hi Kathy, It's interesting because I thought this facility would be the ideal solution - in that it was close to family, it was new, and I was familiar with it. I was wrong - it has to feel right, as well.
Thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. The more we know the better we are to make an informed choice. We chose to live in a community with all 3 levels - independent, self-contained houses/villas; an assisted living facilty with a resident physician, and final care including memory care. It's here when we need it. They also offer a la carte assisted services as needed in your home. Will we end up here? Who knows as we're somewhat peripatetic. I have lived in 27 different places since getting married the first time and leaving home at age 21. Like many older parents, we don't want our kids (7 in all) to have to worry about caring for us in our later years when we may not be able to manage.
Hi Gary, That really is the ideal way to do it - the three in one facility. My Mom moved to a retirement community in Arizona - she started out in an independent living apartment, but when her health deteriorated she was moved to assisted living where she died.
Our initial search started when we lived in AZ, so many retirees there so lots of facilities and choices. Our first glance was at La Posada in Green Valley, about 15 miles north of where we lived in Tubac. Then, because we had visited Mexico 12-15 times over 25+ years and liked it, S did some research and found where we are now, less costly for sure.
https://rancholoslabradores.com/index.php?vw=1022&vh=616&v0=&v1=118&v1b=0&v2=eng&v3=0&v4=despliega&v5=despliega&v6=despliega&v10=0&v13=&v14=&v25=551&v26=0
Interesting to me that they call it a "Wellness Community."
That's a good name - Wellness Community.