What It Means to Grow Older
Pondering Age, Purpose, and Possibilities
Our identity - our sense of self - constantly changes throughout life, even as we approach retirement and beyond. A disturbing question that may arise is, Now that the children are grown or I’m no longer working, who am I?
One factor that can play a role is age identity, which refers to the subjective, inner experience of age and aging, but differs from our chronological age. It’s a combination of biological, social, and cultural factors that influence our understanding and perceptions.
Retirement is often described as a time of peace and fulfillment, but age identity can make it a source of stress. However, if we are struggling to understand ourselves as we age, we’re not alone, and the good news is that it’s possible to come to terms with it, so they say.
Research suggests that having a positive age identity is associated with improved mental and physical well-being, as well as increased longevity. In contrast, negative age identity can lead to a negative self-perception of aging and link to poor mental and physical health.
Experts suggest that we cultivate self-awareness, embrace new experiences, engage with diverse age groups, challenge ageism, prioritize our well-being, and seek professional support if needed, as we form and develop who we are. Influences, experiences, and choices collectively shape a unique sense of self, encompassing our beliefs, values, habits, and overall personality.
It’s a two-way relationship - actions and thoughts influence our identity, and our identity, in turn, drives our behavior in response to various external factors throughout our lives.
Reflecting on personal values and interests, finding new hobbies, connecting with people of different ages, and addressing negative stereotypes can help foster a positive and evolving sense of self at any stage in life.
Identity Crisis in Older Adults
Without a doubt, aging brings visible changes — graying hair, slower steps, and shifting routines — but some of the most profound transformations occur within. For many, the later stages of life can trigger an identity crisis of sorts, a deep questioning of who we are now and what still gives our life meaning.
As careers end, children move away, and physical abilities shift, the roles that once defined us — parent, professional, caregiver, partner — change. Without those familiar markers, it’s natural to feel uncertain or even lost.
This has been somewhat of an issue for me for the last five years since my husband’s death; I’m certainly not the person I was. So, who am I now?
Rediscovering a Sense of Self
While unsettling, this crisis can be seen as an opportunity — a moment to redefine ourselves on our own terms. Aging invites reflection: what truly matters, what values endure, and what dreams still call us?
Ways to rebuild identity and confidence as we age include the following.
Reconnect with Purpose: Volunteer, mentor, or explore creative outlets that make you feel useful and fulfilled.
My new purpose became to share what I’ve learned with others through this newsletter.
Update Our Self-Story: We’re not losing our identity; we’re developing it. Let our story include both wisdom and change.
Which is what I’m doing now. My 87th birthday was this week. What do I want the rest of my life story to look like?
Stay Socially Engaged: Friendships, community groups, or intergenerational activities strengthen a sense of belonging.
I have the unique experience of regularly interacting with three younger generations—children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.
I discuss problems and share ideas with my adult children, text and get together with my grandsons, and play with my great-granddaughters.
Practice Self-Compassion: Growth doesn’t stop with age, though. So, we want to treat ourselves with patience and curiosity.
This requires significant improvement on my part.
Focus on Inner Qualities: Kindness, courage, humor, resilience never fade with time.
My ability to see humor in situations also needs work.
Today, my identity includes being a widow, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, writer, and psychologist. I think of aging not as a decline but as a stage of growth, where the concluding years of my lifetime are transformed into wisdom and guidance for others.
It was a relief to learn that an identity crisis for older adults isn’t necessarily a sign of weakness, but a natural response to transformation. When embraced with openness, it becomes a gateway to self-discovery, freedom, and renewal. Aging doesn’t erase identity; it deepens it.
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Janice Walton is a psychologist who has written over 300 articles for Substack during the past five years.
Aging brings visible changes — graying hair, slower steps, and shifting routines — but some of the most profound transformations occur within. For many, the later stages of life can trigger an identity crisis of sorts, a deep questioning of who we are now and what still gives our life meaning.
Reading this just now has made me stop and pause to think - always a good thing. I’m almost 69, I hope I still have a decade or two in me, but we never know and part of my story right now is starting to pare down what I have so my son isn’t left with a massive undertaking to sort out my “collections”. I’d like them to go to people that appreciate them now, when I can enjoy them enjoying them, if that makes any sense?