11 Comments

Parenting our parents is not a scenario that we as adult children want to face, but in the end, the aging process can force us to. It’s wise to be prepared as much as possible, just in case.

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It is hard to visualize what this role reversal will be like until it happens. It is a LOT harder than it sounds. My own mother, when I moved her in with me, was grateful and happy, and it STILL was a challenge. How much more difficult would it have been had she been less sweet and agreeable! A great subject, Janice.

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Hi Sharron, That's a good point . . .there are so many dynamics involved that we can't even consider which can play a role - feelings, past history, privacy, and issues like that come to mind..

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can never be prepared enough

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Such a difficult subject, Janice. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I feel like some of the heartache could be softened by having conversations earlier rather than later. Talk with your kids while you still have choices and discuss your wishes and the wishes of the adult children. Planning for various scenarios. For example, an aging parent may say that they never want to leave their home, yet that may not be realistic. It's an opportunity to talk about 'what if's'.

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I think you are right regarding the heartache. It is a tough situation all the way around.

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We’re in the thick of it now. My mother-in-law is 97 and lives in an assisted living facility, which eases some (but not all) of the stress of her aging. My mother is 92, widowed in August. She is still living at home, with my brother and his wife picking up the tasks that she can’t do (drive, grocery shop, cook, clean). I travel every other week to stay with her and it’s HARD. Thanks for sharing those resources; I’ll pass them along to family members.

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Hi Teri, There just are no easy answers on this one - and having bother mothers in similar positions - I can't imagine. I am at the other end of the picture - the parent. I have a plan, and my children know of it. But who knows. . . for sure.

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Sorry to hear this, Teri. It sounds like you are all doing the best that you can.

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This sharing, this airing of our thoughts and experiences is so valuable. Knowing how others feel and the challenges they face -knowing we are not alone, really helps. Thanks Janice to providing the connection. Hang in there dear ladies. When things got really tough, my mantra was "I am earning my place in heaven, I am earning my place in heaven." I don't even believe in heaven, but it helped...

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I wish you well. It is really tough caring for one... two wmight have brought me to my knees. Remember to breathe, and take care if yourself during this time. It's important.

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