Experience tells me that aging well is not as easy as it sounds, and I was wondering what challenges you think could arise and how you plan to handle them.
As I entered my 70s (now 75) what surprised me was the what felt like the acceleration of physical problems--mostly minor bone, joint, and tendon issues. None of which were necessarily new, but in the past they wouldn't all come at once (it feels like with a single infection or injury there is a cascade of other places causing problems. I have an underlying "syndrome" which has caused me to be on prednisone and thyroid replacement for over 30 years, and I suspect that this plus age in the cause of this change. But what it means is a degree of emotional fatigue. In past. problem would erupt, I would deal with it (often requiring I cut back on walking which is crucial to my health), then slowly get back to "normal," and it might be years before that problem would pop again (like plantar fasciitis) Now, I barely deal with one thing, when the next problem pops up. So I have been working on accepting that this is the new normal, and have gratitude that none of it is life threatening, and that I am able to catch days and some times weeks, when there is no acute source of pain. If I continue to see this is part of normal daily maintenance (of my house, my body, and my emotional well-being) then I seem able to let go of my frustration that I am having to spend more time on that maintenance on a daily basis. That plus making sure my days always have time for with laughter, nature, reading, and service to others, are how I am dealing with aging.
Hi, your point is well taken regarding physical problems, and also, if I hurt myself, healing takes longer. I mistakenly thought that if I continued exercising and eating nutritiously, I would maintain mobility, balance, and have fewer aches and pains, which I did until I was about 85. However, the last year and a half have been significantly more challenging. I appreciate your approach to accepting the new normal and being grateful that it's not life-threatening.
@MARYLOUISALOCKE I love how you added "making sure my days always have time with laughter, nature, reading, and service to others." I think we have to be intentional - maybe more so than in earlier years when we were busy with careers, family and other activities.
One big challenge is the depression caused by the actions of some of the humans that surround us. I do all the things, yoga, meditation, healthy diet, nature, exercise, music, and social time with my lovely family. But I now have added two things because I am exhausted - no social media for a while and Zoloft. So far so good. I am 73. Also reading a good book - "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande.
Julie, Yes, depression caused by the actions of others around us seems to be a big one these days. Like you, I do all the things they say to do, and yet an underlying depression remains. I'm not much of a social media person to begin with, but I've stopped watching the news as much. Thanks for the book suggestion, I will check it out.
I agree and struggle with this exact thing as well. I struggle with close family who make their lives so complicated and stressful when they don’t need to. It wears on me.
Thank you for the question Janice. I'm 72 soon and my problems are mostly to do with my mind and then my emotions. Anxious, fear-based, having negative thoughts about the future and worrying about loved ones. I try a lot things: reframing problems, meditation (a newbie) , walking, being in nature, distractions: reading, sewing, doing art, going to cultural things, being grateful, not listening to the news. A certain part of me thinks that how I am is just my very hard-wired response to the world and my life's journey, and I to need acceptance of this, without thinking I can fix it, just trying to tell myself 'this too shall pass' and being grateful for each day to begin again.
Hi Lee, I can certainly relate to the problems you mention. You have presented many good ideas. For me, not listening to the news, being grateful, and engaging in art have been helpful.
I will soon be 80, my husband is 86. We are still in pretty good health. When one of us dies, the other will have exactly half as much money to live on, that is my biggest fear. We try to balance enjoying the rest of our lives with being careful and saving money for the next phase, whichever of us remains. I want to leave your home as an asset for our GS to pay for college and in order to do that we have to live here and stay out of assisted living. So far so good.
Hi Noel, it sounds as if you have a good plan in mind. Assisted living can be very expensive, so you are wise to stay out of it. That is my plan as well; it would be cheaper to live in my apartment and have full-time help than to opt for assisted living.
I’m 61 Noel and single. I keep my home for these reasons, too. I don’t want to downsize or sell and I don’t want my equity to pay for assisted living. So I do my very best to care for myself mentally and physically and keep working (I enjoy my work) and paying my little bills.
We downsized when we moved here in 2007 but even back then a smaller house cost us MORE $$. This house will be 100% "ours" in four more months! Before UT, we lived in the PNW but we moved here for family support. Then our son died in 2012, so much for family support but we were glad to be here and help take care of our baby grandson who is now almost 15! I keep active, last summer bought an e-trike and ride about 20 miles a day. Very fun!
My particular barrier is allowing myself to slow down, not take as many spontaneous risks, and focus on the positive. Your comment was right on- I also overthink—ugh!
I wish I had good answers to this important question, Janice, but I don't. I DO enjoy hearing what others have to say about what works for them and their difficulties. I think one of my main challenges is being consistent, making a sound plan and then keeping to it. I waver in and out of being conscientious.
Hi Janice ~ I wish I could stop thinking about death. I was in the ICU with a friend a couple weeks ago when her husband was deciding to take her off life support. I have lost so many friends recently because we're all aging. I'm not afraid of dying -- but the where, when, how are in my thoughts at least once a day. I'd like to move on from the reality that life for me & my husband is certainly going to end in the next 10- 15 years sometime-- and just live those years to the fullest. I would age better I think. Thanks for letting me be honest about how I've been feeling. XOXO
Hi Jan, I think that's the goal of aging well - living these years to the fullest with the knowledge that our life will come to an end. I "worry" about it more than I did because I have so many things I want to do yet. I have made decisions and implemented specific plans for the future in that regard, which helps me from ruminating on them as frequently.
I’m soon to be 83 and have 3 Autoimmune conditions that are difficult but manageable. I agree with your list and follow those suggestions myself. I’m still working in our fitness studio and mentoring women around longevity. I also write on Substack and my publication is called the Quirky Crone Chronicles. It helps me remain resilient and even sane😉
Janice, Tara, and Tricia, I am please to learn you agree with my strategy for living well before the curtain fall on our last act. I invite all of you to become subb
Getting old does have its issues. Inn the process of sending note to Janice, Tricia and Tara, I hit the send key before sending the message. You are all invited to be subscribers to my Pathfinder Substack newsletter. I would like to stay in touch.
Yes! These are excellent and what I practice at 61. I’d like to add to this, and the post, spirituality. I have decreased my time with people (well, I really ‘pruned’ relationships and activities that weren’t serving me well any longer) and increased my spiritual practices: regular mass; sitting in quiet, candle-lit cathedral and meditating; sound bathing to Tibetan bells and native American flutes; deep prayer and finding miracles and connections everywhere.
I spend alot of time outdoors, year round and regardless of weather, hiking and walking and tending to yards and gardens. Can’t match those experiences.
Hi Tricia, Pruning relationships and activities that aren't serving us well is important, I've found, as is spirituality. I love the idea of "finding miracles and connections everywhere."
My husband & I are humming along, looking forward to our trip to France this Fall, where we rent a house and a car for 6 weeks, wandering the countryside.
I think having things to look forward to is important. We started planning this 20 months ago.
Because we have each other in our late 70’s, we can manage things. On my own, it would be a different story for sure - not easy.
I think health is a concern as we age. Arthritis and minor nuisances each day, as well as a hip replacement in my future.
I think it’s really important to appreciate small things, to feel gratitude. Having a positive attitude and having Faith provide a foundation.
Family and friends, personal interests, goals, something to look forward to each day support us.
My biggest barrier in aging well is not with myself but with others, especially my family and some of my friends. I'm a living example of healthy aging but they ignore or diminish the importance of restricting, limiting, or moderately consuming less UPF, fast foods, and not exercising.
They will often comment that I look good but won't consider doing what I do because it's too much work and they like what they are eating/drinking.
I'm never sick or have any health or pain issues while they have periodic colds, aches and pains.
So, it's more about frustration with others that don't seriously take health as important as I see it.
Hi Bill, you make a good point. It does take effort to focus on health and well-being, and many folks are not willing to do so. Bravo to you for being so healthy.
My challenges involve some continued memory issues involving the two people I am closest to. One has diagnosed initial alzheimers, the other is in denial even though many family members have issues. How do I maintain patience and continue with my interests?
Hi Peggy, What I didn't do when my husband had dementia and denied it was to take care of myself first. I needed to have a plan and a team that could help me manage the frustrations and distractions that inevitably occurred. I would do it differently today.
68yrs and living solo for about 12yrs. I go through bouts of self care, keeping up home maintenance and part time work. Life doesnt wait for me and sometimes, I just want to be a couch potato.
Something is changing and seeing a therapist. I reach out to friends to connect and cope.
Being alone can be lovely and equally difficult. But connection continues as the balm needed for mental, physical and emotional wellbeing
One significant thing I've learnt over the last eight months is that having a 2-hour comprehensive health check with tests is the best way to maintain my health while caregiving. I spent a few months flip-flopping about seeking support for some symptoms. I had a couple of doctor appointments (see my recent article). Still, the comprehensive health check alleviated many of my worries, and I know it has motivated me to make more concerted efforts about my movement and diet moving forward.
The second thing for me is connecting with friends/people in general. I'm quite cerebral, so being able to soundboard and talk things out helps diffuse the tension. I'm a talker so I prefer connecting live, but I've thankful for online forums for carers and Substack connections! xo
Hi Victoria, the health checks sound like a great idea. and a very important aspect of self-care. As you are well aware, caregiving is extremely demanding on both the mind and body. You mentioned movement, and that has been a big change for me. About six months ago, I discovered QiGong- the ancient Chinese practice that combines gentle movements, breathing techniques, and focused intention to cultivate and harmonize the body's vital energy. It is gentle, and at the same time, I am moving parts of my body that hadn't been exercised for years, nor would I have thought to do so.
Yes, my aunt practices Tai Chi another slow, gentle but good muscle and energy workout. I have an image in my mind of you practising QiGong with a group of friends in nature. xo
Experience tells me that aging well is not as easy as it sounds, and I was wondering what challenges you think could arise and how you plan to handle them.
As I entered my 70s (now 75) what surprised me was the what felt like the acceleration of physical problems--mostly minor bone, joint, and tendon issues. None of which were necessarily new, but in the past they wouldn't all come at once (it feels like with a single infection or injury there is a cascade of other places causing problems. I have an underlying "syndrome" which has caused me to be on prednisone and thyroid replacement for over 30 years, and I suspect that this plus age in the cause of this change. But what it means is a degree of emotional fatigue. In past. problem would erupt, I would deal with it (often requiring I cut back on walking which is crucial to my health), then slowly get back to "normal," and it might be years before that problem would pop again (like plantar fasciitis) Now, I barely deal with one thing, when the next problem pops up. So I have been working on accepting that this is the new normal, and have gratitude that none of it is life threatening, and that I am able to catch days and some times weeks, when there is no acute source of pain. If I continue to see this is part of normal daily maintenance (of my house, my body, and my emotional well-being) then I seem able to let go of my frustration that I am having to spend more time on that maintenance on a daily basis. That plus making sure my days always have time for with laughter, nature, reading, and service to others, are how I am dealing with aging.
Hi, your point is well taken regarding physical problems, and also, if I hurt myself, healing takes longer. I mistakenly thought that if I continued exercising and eating nutritiously, I would maintain mobility, balance, and have fewer aches and pains, which I did until I was about 85. However, the last year and a half have been significantly more challenging. I appreciate your approach to accepting the new normal and being grateful that it's not life-threatening.
@MARYLOUISALOCKE I love how you added "making sure my days always have time with laughter, nature, reading, and service to others." I think we have to be intentional - maybe more so than in earlier years when we were busy with careers, family and other activities.
I really appreciate your use of the term "new normal." I like to use the terms "radical acceptance" and "resilience" as well.
Thank you for sharing. I am in a very similar situation. Will reply further at a later time.
One big challenge is the depression caused by the actions of some of the humans that surround us. I do all the things, yoga, meditation, healthy diet, nature, exercise, music, and social time with my lovely family. But I now have added two things because I am exhausted - no social media for a while and Zoloft. So far so good. I am 73. Also reading a good book - "Being Mortal" by Atul Gawande.
Julie, Yes, depression caused by the actions of others around us seems to be a big one these days. Like you, I do all the things they say to do, and yet an underlying depression remains. I'm not much of a social media person to begin with, but I've stopped watching the news as much. Thanks for the book suggestion, I will check it out.
That book is good, but it is pretty depressing. Very well written and I hope he offers some inspiration soon.
I agree and struggle with this exact thing as well. I struggle with close family who make their lives so complicated and stressful when they don’t need to. It wears on me.
Thank you for the question Janice. I'm 72 soon and my problems are mostly to do with my mind and then my emotions. Anxious, fear-based, having negative thoughts about the future and worrying about loved ones. I try a lot things: reframing problems, meditation (a newbie) , walking, being in nature, distractions: reading, sewing, doing art, going to cultural things, being grateful, not listening to the news. A certain part of me thinks that how I am is just my very hard-wired response to the world and my life's journey, and I to need acceptance of this, without thinking I can fix it, just trying to tell myself 'this too shall pass' and being grateful for each day to begin again.
Hi Lee, I can certainly relate to the problems you mention. You have presented many good ideas. For me, not listening to the news, being grateful, and engaging in art have been helpful.
“Thus too shall pass.” I love this line. TQ.
I will soon be 80, my husband is 86. We are still in pretty good health. When one of us dies, the other will have exactly half as much money to live on, that is my biggest fear. We try to balance enjoying the rest of our lives with being careful and saving money for the next phase, whichever of us remains. I want to leave your home as an asset for our GS to pay for college and in order to do that we have to live here and stay out of assisted living. So far so good.
Hi Noel, it sounds as if you have a good plan in mind. Assisted living can be very expensive, so you are wise to stay out of it. That is my plan as well; it would be cheaper to live in my apartment and have full-time help than to opt for assisted living.
I’m 61 Noel and single. I keep my home for these reasons, too. I don’t want to downsize or sell and I don’t want my equity to pay for assisted living. So I do my very best to care for myself mentally and physically and keep working (I enjoy my work) and paying my little bills.
We downsized when we moved here in 2007 but even back then a smaller house cost us MORE $$. This house will be 100% "ours" in four more months! Before UT, we lived in the PNW but we moved here for family support. Then our son died in 2012, so much for family support but we were glad to be here and help take care of our baby grandson who is now almost 15! I keep active, last summer bought an e-trike and ride about 20 miles a day. Very fun!
My particular barrier is allowing myself to slow down, not take as many spontaneous risks, and focus on the positive. Your comment was right on- I also overthink—ugh!
Hi Jill, Focusing on the positive - such an important one.
I wish I had good answers to this important question, Janice, but I don't. I DO enjoy hearing what others have to say about what works for them and their difficulties. I think one of my main challenges is being consistent, making a sound plan and then keeping to it. I waver in and out of being conscientious.
I know how that goes - the lack of consistency issue. Each evening, I make a list of things I want to do the next day, which helps - sometimes.
🙏🏻 Thank you, Janice.
Hi Janice ~ I wish I could stop thinking about death. I was in the ICU with a friend a couple weeks ago when her husband was deciding to take her off life support. I have lost so many friends recently because we're all aging. I'm not afraid of dying -- but the where, when, how are in my thoughts at least once a day. I'd like to move on from the reality that life for me & my husband is certainly going to end in the next 10- 15 years sometime-- and just live those years to the fullest. I would age better I think. Thanks for letting me be honest about how I've been feeling. XOXO
Hi Jan, I think that's the goal of aging well - living these years to the fullest with the knowledge that our life will come to an end. I "worry" about it more than I did because I have so many things I want to do yet. I have made decisions and implemented specific plans for the future in that regard, which helps me from ruminating on them as frequently.
Hi Janice, I am 92 and, from my vantage point, there are 5 keys to aging well
1. Keep moving, both physically and intellectually
2. Learn to accept your reduced, age related limitations, and continually adapt.
3. Never complain. You are lucky to have lived to old age
4. Have some fun every day.
5. Hone your sense of humor, and be fun to be with.
I too write a Substack newsletter entitled The Pathfinder. Would you be interested in me posting some of my stories to your readers and vice versa.
,
I’m soon to be 83 and have 3 Autoimmune conditions that are difficult but manageable. I agree with your list and follow those suggestions myself. I’m still working in our fitness studio and mentoring women around longevity. I also write on Substack and my publication is called the Quirky Crone Chronicles. It helps me remain resilient and even sane😉
Janice, Tara, and Tricia, I am please to learn you agree with my strategy for living well before the curtain fall on our last act. I invite all of you to become subb
Getting old does have its issues. Inn the process of sending note to Janice, Tricia and Tara, I hit the send key before sending the message. You are all invited to be subscribers to my Pathfinder Substack newsletter. I would like to stay in touch.
Hi Ronald, you seem to have an excellent plan in place.
Yes! These are excellent and what I practice at 61. I’d like to add to this, and the post, spirituality. I have decreased my time with people (well, I really ‘pruned’ relationships and activities that weren’t serving me well any longer) and increased my spiritual practices: regular mass; sitting in quiet, candle-lit cathedral and meditating; sound bathing to Tibetan bells and native American flutes; deep prayer and finding miracles and connections everywhere.
I spend alot of time outdoors, year round and regardless of weather, hiking and walking and tending to yards and gardens. Can’t match those experiences.
Hi Tricia, Pruning relationships and activities that aren't serving us well is important, I've found, as is spirituality. I love the idea of "finding miracles and connections everywhere."
My husband & I are humming along, looking forward to our trip to France this Fall, where we rent a house and a car for 6 weeks, wandering the countryside.
I think having things to look forward to is important. We started planning this 20 months ago.
Because we have each other in our late 70’s, we can manage things. On my own, it would be a different story for sure - not easy.
I think health is a concern as we age. Arthritis and minor nuisances each day, as well as a hip replacement in my future.
I think it’s really important to appreciate small things, to feel gratitude. Having a positive attitude and having Faith provide a foundation.
Family and friends, personal interests, goals, something to look forward to each day support us.
Hi Catherine, the trip to France sounds wonderful. So true about appreciating small things and feeling gratitude, they are so important.
My biggest barrier in aging well is not with myself but with others, especially my family and some of my friends. I'm a living example of healthy aging but they ignore or diminish the importance of restricting, limiting, or moderately consuming less UPF, fast foods, and not exercising.
They will often comment that I look good but won't consider doing what I do because it's too much work and they like what they are eating/drinking.
I'm never sick or have any health or pain issues while they have periodic colds, aches and pains.
So, it's more about frustration with others that don't seriously take health as important as I see it.
Hi Bill, you make a good point. It does take effort to focus on health and well-being, and many folks are not willing to do so. Bravo to you for being so healthy.
My challenges involve some continued memory issues involving the two people I am closest to. One has diagnosed initial alzheimers, the other is in denial even though many family members have issues. How do I maintain patience and continue with my interests?
Hi Peggy, What I didn't do when my husband had dementia and denied it was to take care of myself first. I needed to have a plan and a team that could help me manage the frustrations and distractions that inevitably occurred. I would do it differently today.
68yrs and living solo for about 12yrs. I go through bouts of self care, keeping up home maintenance and part time work. Life doesnt wait for me and sometimes, I just want to be a couch potato.
Something is changing and seeing a therapist. I reach out to friends to connect and cope.
Being alone can be lovely and equally difficult. But connection continues as the balm needed for mental, physical and emotional wellbeing
One significant thing I've learnt over the last eight months is that having a 2-hour comprehensive health check with tests is the best way to maintain my health while caregiving. I spent a few months flip-flopping about seeking support for some symptoms. I had a couple of doctor appointments (see my recent article). Still, the comprehensive health check alleviated many of my worries, and I know it has motivated me to make more concerted efforts about my movement and diet moving forward.
The second thing for me is connecting with friends/people in general. I'm quite cerebral, so being able to soundboard and talk things out helps diffuse the tension. I'm a talker so I prefer connecting live, but I've thankful for online forums for carers and Substack connections! xo
Hi Victoria, the health checks sound like a great idea. and a very important aspect of self-care. As you are well aware, caregiving is extremely demanding on both the mind and body. You mentioned movement, and that has been a big change for me. About six months ago, I discovered QiGong- the ancient Chinese practice that combines gentle movements, breathing techniques, and focused intention to cultivate and harmonize the body's vital energy. It is gentle, and at the same time, I am moving parts of my body that hadn't been exercised for years, nor would I have thought to do so.
Yes, my aunt practices Tai Chi another slow, gentle but good muscle and energy workout. I have an image in my mind of you practising QiGong with a group of friends in nature. xo