As life changes, roles, losses, and limitations quietly redefine how we see ourselves, when that happens, we must claim - or reclaim - our self-worth by choosing to honor our experiences, strengths, and mistakes.
My bete-noir has long been the “not good enough” - a loser fallacy - a belief system that my inner critic reveled in sustaining. Not long ago, I was immobilized with a broken leg and stayed with warm and generous friends while I sought a more permanent arrangement. After I transferred to a respite care facility I made a list - out of curiosity - of the many steps and more than a few blind alleys I navigated to come up with a solution to my predicament. It then struck me that no “loser” would have accomplished what I did for self care. I told my son about the experiment and his reply was that I should make a similar list for my adult life - that this accomplishment thing was news only to me. This(and timely therapy) have been life altering. Thanks for your insights.
Hi Jane - "not good enough" has been mine as well for years. You have a very wise son. It was actually my son who brought me to a similar understanding when he talked about the skills and attributes I'd developed over the years - that I still had them, and I just had to apply them to my life now.
"Many people tie self-worth to productivity, roles, or usefulness." When I lost my mom, I remember I looked in the mirror for along time, wondering "What am I now?" I was lost until I realized the question should be WHO am I now. I was no longer a student, a teacher, a wife, a mother of small children, a care giver... I tied all my self-perception to my work roles. Then , as you say I began to realize that I was not my work. I was me. Valuable me. It took a while to just BE. Thank you, Janice
Hi Sharron - I was taught as a child that I had to earn love; it has been a challenging message to undo. The idea that the me I am is valuable as is - is freeing.
Thank you for sharing your learnings, Janice - these six practices are clear and actionable.
"As life changes, roles, losses, and limitations quietly redefine how we see ourselves, when that happens, we must claim - or reclaim - our self-worth by choosing to honor our experiences, strengths, and mistakes."
I agree! Journaling has helped me articulate these changes. I'll save your ideas there too. Thanks
Janice- I would love to connect with you at some point. I have a podcast about aging and would love to talk about the possibility of you joining us for a conversation about being oldish 😊 (Podcast- Oldish: Conversations on Aging in the 21st Century)
Hi Janet, I love that term - 'oldish' - I suppose in my case, really oldish. I'd be willing to consider participating in a podcast, particularly if I knew in detail what we'd be discussing and questions you might ask. The last time I did one, I felt blindsided.
As life changes, roles, losses, and limitations quietly redefine how we see ourselves, when that happens, we must claim - or reclaim - our self-worth by choosing to honor our experiences, strengths, and mistakes.
Worthwhile points here! Sometimes we forget to recognize ourselves as valuable.
Hi Catherine, how very true.
My bete-noir has long been the “not good enough” - a loser fallacy - a belief system that my inner critic reveled in sustaining. Not long ago, I was immobilized with a broken leg and stayed with warm and generous friends while I sought a more permanent arrangement. After I transferred to a respite care facility I made a list - out of curiosity - of the many steps and more than a few blind alleys I navigated to come up with a solution to my predicament. It then struck me that no “loser” would have accomplished what I did for self care. I told my son about the experiment and his reply was that I should make a similar list for my adult life - that this accomplishment thing was news only to me. This(and timely therapy) have been life altering. Thanks for your insights.
Hi Jane - "not good enough" has been mine as well for years. You have a very wise son. It was actually my son who brought me to a similar understanding when he talked about the skills and attributes I'd developed over the years - that I still had them, and I just had to apply them to my life now.
"Many people tie self-worth to productivity, roles, or usefulness." When I lost my mom, I remember I looked in the mirror for along time, wondering "What am I now?" I was lost until I realized the question should be WHO am I now. I was no longer a student, a teacher, a wife, a mother of small children, a care giver... I tied all my self-perception to my work roles. Then , as you say I began to realize that I was not my work. I was me. Valuable me. It took a while to just BE. Thank you, Janice
Hi Sharron - I was taught as a child that I had to earn love; it has been a challenging message to undo. The idea that the me I am is valuable as is - is freeing.
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Such great advice, Janice! More and more research points to mindset as a key factor (maybe the most important) in creating a vital later life -
Hi Erika, very true - and focusing on quality of life in addition to length.
Exactly!
Thank you for sharing your learnings, Janice - these six practices are clear and actionable.
"As life changes, roles, losses, and limitations quietly redefine how we see ourselves, when that happens, we must claim - or reclaim - our self-worth by choosing to honor our experiences, strengths, and mistakes."
I agree! Journaling has helped me articulate these changes. I'll save your ideas there too. Thanks
Hi Victoria, Journaling and writing the newsletter have been the catalyst for my changes as well.
Janice- I would love to connect with you at some point. I have a podcast about aging and would love to talk about the possibility of you joining us for a conversation about being oldish 😊 (Podcast- Oldish: Conversations on Aging in the 21st Century)
Hi Janet, I love that term - 'oldish' - I suppose in my case, really oldish. I'd be willing to consider participating in a podcast, particularly if I knew in detail what we'd be discussing and questions you might ask. The last time I did one, I felt blindsided.
Thank you Janice! Such helpful thoughts and strategies for redirecting our thoughts about ourselves as we age. 😊
Hi Janet, I am finding it to be a higher priority than I initially thought.