Rebuilding Confidence in Our Aging Bodies
When We Can No Longer Do What We Used To
One loss I’ve been experiencing more the past year has been confidence in my body. It’s time to face facts: the body I live in really doesn’t do what it used to. Activities that were easy and automatic require more thought, effort, and adjustment today, a fact which tends to impact me emotionally as well.
Experts say rebuilding confidence in an aging body involves shifting our focus from limitations to capabilities through consistent, gentle physical activity like walking, tai chi, and strength training, cultivating a positive mindset, and embracing self-care.
They also discuss our need for emotional resilience - adapting to physical decline by maintaining social connections, staying active, and fostering a positive, purposeful mindset.
What I’m finding:
Shifting focus is all well and good. However, doing so doesn’t relieve the frustration and discouragement that arises when I get tired more quickly, make mistakes I never use to make, and no longer confidently walk as far I did - new worries come to mind: can my knees manage, will I see the curbs clearly, or is my stomach going to be okay.
Practicing self-compassion is also a good idea, but not always easy. Intellectually, I understand the reason and need to do so, but resentment and impatience tend to show up as well.
Adapting routines to prioritize what's best for functioning and joy makes sense, but I enjoyed the life I had, and really didn’t want it to change.
Experts note that key strategies include cultivating gratitude, engaging in cognitive stimulation, managing stress through mindfulness, seeking support to maintain a high quality of life despite the challenges, and setting small, achievable goals.
What I’m finding:
I’m grateful and know how really fortunate I am. I read and write daily, have plenty of support, and manage to achieve small and large goals. That works - to a degree.
At the same time, I’m exploring additional ways to provide quality of life at this age - particularly in terms of managing stress.
A major contributor to my loss of confidence has to do with technology - my fingers have a tough time typing on my iPhone, and after having eye surgery for a detached retina my eyes play games in terms of double vision and not seeing quite as clearly.
I’ve adjusted and do what I can, but both facts add to self-doubt. There is also a lack of knowledge about devices and technology in general, which suggests making a greater effort to learn how to use them effectively.
Experts recommend that, to regain confidence, we must remind ourselves of our capabilities, address the obstacles that keep us from feeling confident, and work around them.
What I’m finding:
I want to focus more on ways to appreciate what I’m doing rather than being so angry at what I can’t do. I may not be able to walk as far or climb hills, but I’m a much better writer and I’m learning more about technology every day.
Dressing nicely every morning even when I’m not going anywhere allows me to feel better about myself.
I want to be at peace with who I am today, which may include changing my expectations of what is now honestly manageable.
It’s possible that my tight shoulders and upset stomach are signs of stress that wewren’t fully processed mentally or emotionally.
It’s easy to focus on the physical signs of aging - joint stiffness and easily bruised skin are hard to overlook, conversely it may be just as easy to ignore that a loss of mobility or changes in physical appearance affect how we feel.
Research says that most older adults enjoy high levels of affective well-being and emotional stability into their 70s and 80s.
What I’m Finding:
This has not been true for me. The last ten years have been filled with stress and worry with four years of caregiving, another four years of building a new life after my husband died, and now the added stress of an aging body and changing times.
The toll on my emotional well-being is something I work with daily. However, memories, feelings, and doubts pop up regularly, which in turn can affect my physical health.
Question for the comments:
What small shift would help you have more confidence in your body right now?
My answer and goal would be to acknowledge the normal changes in my body as I get older and adjust accordingly, while treating myself with the same kindness, care, and understanding I’d show a good friend who was experiencing them.
Dr. Janice Walton is a psychologist, widow, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and writer. She has written articles for Substack for the past five years and recently published a book, The Insider’s Guide to Aging Well Through the Eyes of an 87-year-old.
The Insider’s Guide to Aging Well brings together many of the ideas and themes we’ve discussed. It’s not separate from the Aging Well Newsletter, which is my primary focus, but an extension of it—a way to collect the articles in one place for those of you who may find that format more useful.
This link takes you to the book on Amazon. All proceeds will be donated to the Alzheimer’s Association in my husband’s name.
What small shift would help you have more confidence in your body right now?
I'm 68. I know I feel better when I do yoga...but I keep postponing it. My shift would be to consciously make time for it.