Owning The Journey

Embracing Responsibility For My Life

Photo by Aleksandar Kanizaj on Unsplash

I lived with my parents until I was 19 and my husband, Dan, for the next 62 years. Someone else took the lead, and I let them. It made for a very comfortable life—until it didn’t, and in retrospect, it wasn’t the wisest of decisions.

I was always responsible in the classic sense of the word: reliable, dependable, and trustworthy. I understood the importance of meeting my obligations and fulfilling my promises.

However, “responsible” took on a very different meaning when Dan had dementia and after he died. I was in charge and had to make the tough decisions. I was ill-prepared to take on the role, bu learned.

The word has taken on an even deeper meaning lately. I now see how it applies to aging well. The choices I made when I was younger and the choices I make now affect me and my health in the future. Not exercising or stretching today and tomorrow will probably lead to less mobility and more health problems when I’m 90.

While prescription drugs, doctor visits, and hospital stays are necessary and life-saving, I want to live without them as much as possible for as long as possible - which means keeping myself physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. I’m the one accountable.

I’m also responsible for the thoughts, habits, and beliefs that guide me. I recently realized how old and outdated some of them were. I no longer need to follow the rules my parents taught me 80 years ago - like children should be seen and not heard. Times have changed; we must deal with devices, social media, and misinformation. My life is different; I’m a single woman needing to figure things out for myself. Some of my long-held assumptions were wrong; I thought certain things would remain the same forever - they didn’t and won’t.

Those realizations led to a review, a letting go of choices and habits that no longer serve me and identifying ones that do. I need to be more aware and listen to myself rather than rely on others to make my decisions for me.

That’s become the foundation of my aging plan: to identify what’s true and works, what I can realistically do at this age, and what I want to do in 10 years. Then, to make choices accordingly, knowing that my body will continue to age and that modifications may be required.

I’m very clear that I want to care for myself, be mobile, write my newsletter, paint, and play with my great-grandchildren for as long as possible. I’m responsible for my choices - they will help or hinder achieving those intentions.

If I were to advise that younger me, I would say, “Take the time and effort to think for yourself. Asking for other people’s opinions is okay, but make sure they match your values and knowledge.”

Do you think about what you want to do when you’re 90, and are you taking steps today to support whatever that is?

I’d love it if you could share the Aging Well Newsletter with others. I want to share the lessons I’ve learned through the years of life and caregiving with as many people as possible. More than anything, I want to continue expanding our community of readers.

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Janice Walton is a psychologist, widow, mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, and writer. Her book Aging Well: 30 Lessons for Making the Most of Your Later Years is available on Amazon, and she has written articles for Substack for four years.