Ditching the Anger
It Gets in the Way
Amid the good in my life, frustration and irritability recently raised their ugly heads again. I am angry with life, the world, and me.
I have little control over what happens in life or the world. I am on my own. My body is aging despite my efforts. Wars, mass murders, and hate crimes occur too frequently. Sure, I can protest and do my part, but making real change is questionable. However, I can do something about the frustration - the anger at me - and it’s time.
It bubbles up when I can’t do something I “should be” able to do or when I repeatedly make the same mistakes. It’s been on overdrive the last few weeks.
I read that anger is a secondary emotion.
Typically, we first experience a primary emotion like fear, loss, or sadness. Because these emotions create feelings of vulnerability and loss of control, they make us uncomfortable. One way to deal with these feelings is by subconsciously shifting into anger.
That could be - a fear of taking responsibility for my life and an inability to control things as I want.
I’ve journaled, exercised, and taken time-outs, but nothing resolves the frustration that boils up too often.
I even developed a list of life hacks to help me function more effectively as a single person and alleviate some of the anger. And they helped to a degree. Hacks like
Doing things as I think of them
Keeping a to-do list and a schedule
Completing things I don’t want to do first and rewarding myself - like stretching before having breakfast and doing my household chores before writing.
Setting things out ahead of time as reminders and motivators
Identifying little pleasures for myself, like having flowers in the house
But I had an “aha moment” the other day.
I was causing many of the things I was angry about, and I could fix them. I could lower my frustration by taking responsibility, paying attention, and making minor adjustments.
A Simple Example
Think about tossing a paper ball into a wastebasket from a few feet away. Over and over, you shoot and miss, shoot and miss. Then you decide this isn’t going to happen again. So, you watch what you’re doing and notice that if you aimed a little to the left, you would hit the basket every time and make the adjustment - one less frustration.
It’s true, I’m a single older - some would say much older - woman. That means I have new things to learn to keep up with the times and technology, my body isn’t what it was, the world isn’t what I wish it were, and I don’t have control over many things.
So, if I fix what I can and work with what I have rather than continually being mad and taking it out on myself - I can focus on solutions and lessen the frustration. It’s worth a try.
This YouTube video discusses the Phantom Hacker Scam targetting Senior Citizens. I thought you might find it interesting.
And Just for fun!
Yesterday's Storm - The pictures and poem touched my soul.
If you want to contribute to my work, consider donating to the Alzheimer’s Association. This link takes you to their website. The choice is yours.
Experts say, "Typically, we first experience a primary emotion like fear, loss, or sadness. Because these emotions create feelings of vulnerability and loss of control, they make us uncomfortable. One way to deal with these feelings is by subconsciously shifting into anger." But it may be time to move beyond it, too.
Your approach isn't age-specific, I think.
We all need to learn how to cope with anger and frustration at any age. Thank you for the suggestions.