I lived the sandwich for over 15 years while my parents aged and my older son battled major depression and I was in a high pressure job. You just manage somehow.
Hi Jo, That is the truth of it - you just manage somehow. 15 years is a very long time to handle all of that - what an amazing effort. I wonder if you have any suggestions for others who may be in that situation.
I have a friend whose husband is in the early stages of Alzheimers - he's angry, argumentative, abusive. And he never was before. She feels like she is losing her mind along with her husband. I have been sharing your articles with her. I have urged her to subscribe. I hope she finds solace and help.
Wow! I've never heard the term "sandwich generation," but recently heard of similar scenarios. It's interesting, or unfortunate, that it's common enough to coin a term like that. Thanks for sharing Janice. As always, insightful.
I suspect we need to look to other cultures to understand care and its ramifications. It's a natural part of life for other cultures and there doesn't seem to be any angst - it's just the norm. I recently watched Blue Zone - Living to 100 and part of the reassurance for the elderly in Japan, Sardinia and Cyprus was that the elderly were a valued part of the community and everyone helped.
In places elsewhere where modernity and splintered society is the norm, the old and young get left behind in the slipstream.
We care for our grandchild once a week and I cared for Mum every day when she was alive. It was the norm and Mum was very realistic and let me have my life. Mum had swiftly advancing Macular Degeneration but craved independence. Even so, I took her to all her doctor's appointments, we also organised a fortnightly cleaner and a visiting nurse and the occasional gardener but Mum insisted she cook her own meals which she did very well until the day a stroke took her away at 90.
I never begrudged what I did for Mum as she tried her damndest to stay lively and up to the mark. The same as I don't begrudge care of our five year old grandson because he's the next generation after my children and if we can instil love and care into him at an early age, it's a good thing to learn.
Hi Prue, My son-in-law is Chinese and he is very willing to take care of me - which is an amazing and appreciated concept. He includes me on trips, and has told me "I will take care of you." Like your Mom I crave independence, I have a monthly house cleaner, am centrally located, and can have food delivered, but surgery for a detached retina and cataracts convinced me that I shouldn't be driving. My daughter has taken that on for me. So, I see myself as very fortunate.
Exactly. Fortunate. I think the Asian culture in particularly has a beautiful view of caring for elders. I wished it pervaded western society more deeply.
Sandwich Generation Caregiving occurs more often as parents live longer and kids live at home longer. So it is wise to be prepared.
I lived the sandwich for over 15 years while my parents aged and my older son battled major depression and I was in a high pressure job. You just manage somehow.
Hi Jo, That is the truth of it - you just manage somehow. 15 years is a very long time to handle all of that - what an amazing effort. I wonder if you have any suggestions for others who may be in that situation.
Thank you Janice. I'm no longer in caregiving mode for a parent but this would be super helpful for those who are.
Great article as always Janice. I manged to miss this part of caregiver. And I'm grateful. ❤️
Me too!!!
This us heart warming ❤️
I have a friend whose husband is in the early stages of Alzheimers - he's angry, argumentative, abusive. And he never was before. She feels like she is losing her mind along with her husband. I have been sharing your articles with her. I have urged her to subscribe. I hope she finds solace and help.
Hi Sharron, Thank you! I can certainly relate to the feelings your friend is having.
Wow! I've never heard the term "sandwich generation," but recently heard of similar scenarios. It's interesting, or unfortunate, that it's common enough to coin a term like that. Thanks for sharing Janice. As always, insightful.
Hi Kevin, I hadn't really heard of it either. It sounds very challenging.
I suspect we need to look to other cultures to understand care and its ramifications. It's a natural part of life for other cultures and there doesn't seem to be any angst - it's just the norm. I recently watched Blue Zone - Living to 100 and part of the reassurance for the elderly in Japan, Sardinia and Cyprus was that the elderly were a valued part of the community and everyone helped.
In places elsewhere where modernity and splintered society is the norm, the old and young get left behind in the slipstream.
We care for our grandchild once a week and I cared for Mum every day when she was alive. It was the norm and Mum was very realistic and let me have my life. Mum had swiftly advancing Macular Degeneration but craved independence. Even so, I took her to all her doctor's appointments, we also organised a fortnightly cleaner and a visiting nurse and the occasional gardener but Mum insisted she cook her own meals which she did very well until the day a stroke took her away at 90.
I never begrudged what I did for Mum as she tried her damndest to stay lively and up to the mark. The same as I don't begrudge care of our five year old grandson because he's the next generation after my children and if we can instil love and care into him at an early age, it's a good thing to learn.
Hi Prue, My son-in-law is Chinese and he is very willing to take care of me - which is an amazing and appreciated concept. He includes me on trips, and has told me "I will take care of you." Like your Mom I crave independence, I have a monthly house cleaner, am centrally located, and can have food delivered, but surgery for a detached retina and cataracts convinced me that I shouldn't be driving. My daughter has taken that on for me. So, I see myself as very fortunate.
Exactly. Fortunate. I think the Asian culture in particularly has a beautiful view of caring for elders. I wished it pervaded western society more deeply.
That does seem to be the case. And I have been blessed to be included in it.
I hadn't really thought about the sandwich caregiver. What a challenging situation. Thanks for sharing these resources, Janice.
Hi Heather, I don't think it used to be an issue, but with parents living longer, and children staying in the home longer it has become more of one.
So well written, with sensitivity and realness. My sister is going through this with her husband and much of what you describe I see with her.
It's a tough position to be in, that's for sure.